Post # 1
So I have been engaged for a few months and a very common comment I keep hearing is “Marriage changes things!” I ask “well, what changes?” and there response is “I don’t know things just change.” I understand that people change and grow over the years but my FH and I have been together for 4 years now and have been living together for 2. Our lives and already pretty inter twinned. We have been together in bad times already times were neither one of us had money and no food beyond ramen and even then we made it and are still happy, so my question is what exactly changes? I can’t imagine things changing so much that you get unhappy if you are already happy just being around each other.
Have things changed for you married people?
I am also adding a poll.
Post # 3
I don’t think marriage changed things for us. I think just growing up changed things. We were actually talking about this yesterday – we are getting ready to move into a new house and were talking about the other places each of us had lived and got to reminiscing about the apartment he was in when we met and started dating and I had said something along the lines of “those were the days”. I love our life now, its just more, laid back? which I enjoy…like we go to bed at 10:30 or 11 instead of staying up till all hours doing who knows what or just talking. We have friends over on the weekends for games and drinks instead of going to bars like we used to. Things have changed but I think its just growing. Marriage didn’t change us. If anything Marriage made things stronger and better!
Post # 4
@totheislnds: Well that doesn’t sound bad. I just hate getting that cliff ending answer that I keep getting. I LOVE my FH with every ounce of my heart and can’t imagine being with anyone else. We are already like that bed at 10:30 and hanging out with other couple friends for games and dinner. Lol basicly the wedding is just a party to celebrate, what we already share, with our friends and family!
Post # 5
We weren’t living together before we got married, and I still don’t think things have changed drastically! For us, it’s just the same relationship, only in closer quarters. I’m guessing for you, it’ll be the same relationship, only with more paperwork :).
Post # 6
@jo.lee: Lol…There is ALWAYS more paper work!!!!
Post # 7
For us, being married is pretty much exactly like being engaged. Aside from taxes, insurance, and being legally bound, of course. But within our relationship, as far as how we feel and interact, nothing has changed. I think it’s because we lived together for over 2 years before getting married. I can see where moving in together when you get married could be overwhelming and really change your relationship (hopefully for the better!).
Post # 8
I’m not married, but I think that sometimes people let themselves go when they get married. They figure that the relationship is safe so they stop doing those little things that made them attractive (not just physically) to each other in the beginning. Gaining weight, stopping shaving legs, burping, not going on dates… those sorts of things. I think doing some of this is natural – even in a long term relationship vs. marriage – but it’s also preventable. It’s good to be comfy w. each other, but it’s important to work on the relationship as well. Easier said than done.
Post # 9
I think it depends on the couple.
My ex husband and I were GREAT at dating and being engaged….we were together for 3 years before we got married. Then EVERYTHING changed….2 years into it he got really depressed and had an affair…said he was not “good at being married”..
My DH and I had fun dating and being engaged (almost 2 years) but we are alot happier married…so change can be good!
Post # 10
By the time our wedding comes we will have been together 8 years, living together for 2.5. I think we will be pretty much the same.
Edit: Not a change between us, but I’m pretty sure the instant the rings are on our fingers all of his aunts will be pushing for babies.
Post # 11
We didn’t live together before we got married and nothing really has changed. You have nothing to worry about.
Post # 12
the biggest difference for me was the feeling of commitment to one another. although we were commited before the wedding, of course, it FEELS more concrete now. I mean, we stood up in front of over 100 of our closest friends and family, and vowed our love to one another!
even more than before I feel secure in our relationship and that if we hit rough patches, we’ll work it out. In my 20’s I was always “one foot out the door” in my relationships. now, I’m older, married, and want to make this marriage work. sometimes I’m overwhelmed with emotion when I think that this is it- the love of my life! likely, one of us will be widowed. it’s intense. but I cannot think of a better way to spend my life, with my beloved, until we are old. 🙂
Post # 13
Um, we added him to my bank account, he wears a ring, we call each other husband and wife when doing introductions…..and that’s it. It’s fantastic. But it’s not really ‘different.’
Post # 14
I have heard the same! I have been with my fiance for 8 years, and we have been living together for 2 years now. These 2 years have been CHALLENGING! I honestly think that when people refer to marriage changing things, they are referring to this period of adjustment where you are merging your lives and ideas together and going through growing pains. I think this is what the last 2 years were for me and my man… we merged financially, I relocated, had to reestablish my social life, merging ideas of life etc. Now that we have gone through those adjustments, I think after we get married not much will really change for us.
I have talked to my married friends about this too, and everone seems to say the same!
Post # 15
Lol I’m still waiting to see if anything changes… nothing so far.
Post # 16
I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but everything changes. I think it changes because your attitude, outlook or perspective change. Suddenly, you start looking at things differently, and when your perspective changes, then that affects everything.
I guess it’s a feeling inside. Everything is the same, but yet it’s different.