Post # 1
Have any Bees had the compromises talk on the wedding or marriage before the engagment ring is on? My friends think it’s weird that we have when we aren’t technically engaged yet. For instance I have agreed to take his last name even though I wanted to hyphenate and he has agreed to get baptised so our marriage will be considered a ‘sacrement’ since I’m Catholic Christian and he is nondenomonational. I also get to pick the first dance song and wedding colors while he is getting a say in BP attire and choosing the cake. As far as marriage goes it’s been agreed that he is in charge of finances and cooking while I have to learn to cook eventually and think about the idea of being a stay at home wife.
Nothing so far has bothered us much. I really didn’t want to change my name but becoming Mrs. Bug instead of Mrs. Bunny-Bug is starting to grow on me.
So what types of compromises have you and your SO made so far? Do any of them bother you or seem fair? Is it weird to even discuss it?
Post # 3
@BunnyBug: I’m glad you asked this question because I’m kind of curious too.
My SO and I only agreed that our honemoon can be in Hawaii and we can can have a church wedding. I’ve been dying to go to Hawaii while he doesn’t care much, and he wants to have a church ceremony because his family is Catholic traditionally, and that’s how they’ve all done it.
It does bother me a bit because he doesn’t care where to honeymoon, but I do care about the ceremony. So it feels like I have to compromise with something more important. I know church weddings can be beautiful, but I’m just not religious so it almost feels wrong to do it there. It also bothers me because he only wants it to appease his family members (mainly his mother). They would probably freak out if we didn’t do it there and he would rather do it than argue with them.
It’s not a done deal yet, but it’s the one compromise we’ve sort of made so far.
Post # 4
My SO and I have talked about our wedding and made compromises even though we aren’t engaged. For example, he’s Scottish and when I first learned that he’d be wearing a kilt I was not pleased, but of course I agreed because it’s important to him. To be honest, the idea has grown on me and I think he’ll look awesome 🙂 He compromised by promising to wear underwear… his family is crazy and I don’t need pics of a naked under-there!! I agreed to walk down the isle to bagpipes. He agreed to have the wedding on the beach where I wanted. We both compromised on the size of the wedding… I wanted small, he wanted big, so we’ve agreed on medium.
I don’t think it’s weird to have these types of conversations. I think it’s only natural that these sorts of things come up over time, especially if you’ve been together for a long time.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I am changing my name for him, though I didn’t really want to. (To be totally and embarrassingly honest, it has to do more with beauracracy than being a feminist. ha ha. I have dual citizenship and the idea of doing all the paperwork involved to change my name just makes me want to… have a beer.)
I am …allowing FI to have a bagppiper at the wedding, since that’s just about the only thing he wants. And I don’t mind it too much. Although now he wants this blues band, too. So I might have to ask him to choose one.
This is my first wedding, and it’s my FI’s third, so he is basically letting me have whatever I want. 😀
Post # 6
We are doing it totally backwards. We’ve nearly planned the wedding, we live together, we’ve talked child rearing, etc. And I don’t have a ring (though he has what I call the ‘sparkle fund’ and his investment manager knows when he’ll be proposing – they had to set up the withdrawl for the $ from the account.)
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@BunnyBug: SO i have talk about what we would like our wedding to look like…we both feel like it would be perfect getting married then of next summer. We both also have been dying to go to Paris for the longest…so most likely we will go there for our honeymoon! We have also picked out the church and the person that will marry. Our wedding will take place at our church where we first met and our pastor of 10+ years will marry us. We both agree that we would want everyone that have been there for us to be there…have no idea how will do this since our budget is not so big and we live in NYC. One thing we have agreed upon lol is our wedding party! i dont want any he does. So we will see how it goes lol
Post # 8
@BunnyBug: we’re engaged now but we basically talked every thing out before we got engaged. Not wedding details but kids, house, names, time frames, etc. heck, we even talked retirement briefly. We’ve talked career, income, savings, disneyworld with future kids.
Seriously, lay it ALL out on the table with plenty of time to spare.