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Wow that's definetly a big discovery. I think you just need to be honest with him about the fact that you found it (especially since he has never had problems before it's not like you are going to make him nervous).
Ditto @MissAsB - you need to talk to him. I'm thinking part of him wanted you to find it, but is maybe ashamed. Talk to him!
Oh you poor thing. But please try not to be embarrassed. You guys are going to run into big topics like this, and now that you are married, the TMI zone is kind of gone.
Clearly, he has mixed feelings, seeing as it was somewhat hidden. Maybe he's embarrassed? Maybe he's afraid the problem may return someday? Either way, you care about him and he cares about you, so talk to him about it gently, lovingly and without judgement. Good luck dear!
I second @gemstone 100%
Don't feel upset...he is probably just unsure of how he feels and how you will react. Be the support and strength for him as you listen and help work it out as a couple.
Good luck :)
It does sound like him to store something and then forget all about it... I don't know, should I talk first or let him talk when he sees... I didn't really know where to put these in the filing system so kinda let them on his desk...
Please talk to him. Give him a chance to explain himself, show that you care enough to initiate the conversation and that you're genuinely open to conversation about the touchy subjects, and that you'll be supportive through difficult issues.
Yes, I agree with lily. Show him that you care by breaching a difficult issue. This shouldn't be a "him" thing...it should be something that you both address and understand so that you can be open about even the tough stuff. You can do it. And he will love you that much more for knowing that you accept and love him for him.
i agree with the other posters. just talk to hime about it. i know it may be embarrasing but its the best thing to do in this situation. good luck!
Woah, I would most definitely be embarrassed if something like that was brought up in conversation! Especially since it hasn't been an issue for you guys, I would be very careful about bringing it up.
If he wants to talk about it, he can always bring it up himself... I can't think of any guy who would welcome his sexual partner bringing the topic up! But ymmv... that's just my personal sense.
Now if there *were* ED issues, then definitely - communication is key. But since it sounds like there aren't... I'd let him bring it up if he wants!
Hmmm, interesting counter-opinion, mrbee! It's nice hearing the other side!
I think the problem, now, is that she has found it. She knows. It's the whole "you can never un-learn something once you've learned it" thing. It's going to be weighing on her mind, which may, in turn, affect their relationship. So by virtue of that, I still tend to think that you should try to talk about it.
If I had to choose between having something weigh on my mind, and potentially embarrassing my partner... I would personally choose the former. I have no idea how the psychology of ED works, but I wouldn't want to risk it.
Anyway, don't take my opinion: ask any guys you know how they'd want things handled if:
1) They possibly had some ED issues in the past with an ex.
2) They left some literature in a drawer.
3) And they then started seeing a new lover with whom there were no ED issues.
4) That new partner found that ED literature in a drawer.
Not in a million years would I want the old ED issues brought up, especially if it wasn't a problem now.
But that's just my take - maybe I am in a minority. But I hear girls joke about men's sexual abilities/potency all the time, and I can guarantee you... guys don't generally find that stuff funny. It's like recently, my wife and her friend were joking about baby circumcision. I wasn't laughing - I was too busy wincing in sympathy! :-)
I'd definitely be curious if any bees out there asked their SOs and FIs how they'd want things handled in the scenario above... and reported back!
Thanks for the insight mrbee. I think we have the same intentions — neither of us wants this discovery to come between the OP and her husband, no matter how it's handled. :)
Thanks everyone!
Mrbee, it's fabulous to have man advice...
Maybe I'll create a "personal" folder and stick his things in there.. He has to go through the drawer tomorrow anyway to throw away the old stuff (I organize, but never throw away his things), so he'll know I know and can talk if he wants..
Does this makes sense?
Yes, amazingdiscoveries, it does make sense. I think it's great that your respect your husband so much. As you said before, he knew you'd be going through both his stuff and your own, so I would hope that he is okay that you found it.
Yah if I were him, I'd be glad that you were discreet about it and if I wanted to bring it up... I'd find the right time.
But I'd also throw a bunch of other stuff in the drawer, so there's some plausibility to the idea that maybe you didn't look too closely at it. :-) And also maybe label the folder "Other" rather than "Personal"!
Will do! ;)
Thanks!! I can go back to my regular poster name now!
I'd be very careful bringing this up, whether you think its his or not! ED is not usually caused by a lack of desire. It's caused by health problems, medication, weight issues and many other factors. If he has been using these aides in secret he's obviously embarrassed by it!
Just keep an open dialogue & be supportive... the last thing you want is for him to feel judged! A mans sexual ego is fragile! Kid gloves are definitely required here.
I probably wouldn't say anything at all. I'd just keep it in mind, make sure not to make any jokes about that problem, and maybe throw in some extra compliments to build his self esteem about his... "man functions." I mean, there are things I would prefer that he not know and that he pretend NOT to know if he does find out... places I, ahem, de-hair with wax, tweezing, etc... things like that...
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Regular poster, just too personal to post under my usual name..
Ok so I'm organizing the house all day; re doing the filing cabinet and all... what do I find in my DH's drawers (BTW NOT snooping, he knows I'm cleaning and mixing our stuff together)... aphrodisiac products, a guide on erectile dysfunctions, guides, CDs, prescriptions all for the same subject matter... Now I've been with this man for a while and he never ever had these kinds of problems nor did he tell me he had had issues in the past... He did tell me about difficulties with an old girlfriend but it seemed to be more her lack of desire that was the problem...
Now, since he will know I found this... what do I tell him, it's so embarrassing!