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The first rule is to stay within your budget -- the second is to have the closest you can get to your dream wedding without going over the budget.
My compromises:
If you'd like to see how it all turned out go to: http://singhiphotos.shutterfly.com/wedding
Oh yeah, one more thing -- bought the wedding cake in China town for $120 -- the total was $170 because we paid an extra $50.00 for delivery and set-up.
The best compromise I made was to buy a used ML gown on craigslist for only $700 - it was perfect! The worst compromise I made was to have a friend's father (who is a clergyman) officiate for free - he was terrible. Both decisions were driven mainly by money (and convenience in the second case), but I probably spent too little time and was not critical enough in making the second decision. I didn't think I cared about the ceremony that much until I decided to write it myself. A compromise I wish I had made was to spend less time and money on the flowers - no one really cares that much about the flowers.
I think it's really hard to say what's important to you while you're in the midst of it all. It all seems so important (not to mention everyone is telling how important this or that is), and you don't have the luxury of foresight to know what you will cherish most about your day or what little or big thing will annoy you. I think the best you can do is make compromises that are based on your priorities, which should take into account your present and future and the consideration of loved ones (if that is a priority to you).
Good luck!
You forgot to mention compromises with your parents/his!
I agree that the most important factor is not to go overbudget or into debt over your wedding. Regardless of how wonderful the day is, if you are paying off your wedding for the next 10 years you will most likely regret it.
I compromised with my parents by getting married in a Catholic Church and have compromised with my FI by agreeing to no videographer (he thinks they are expensive and does not want awkward dance moves captured on tape!). I compromised with myself by selecting a stationed and buffet meal rather than a full plated dinner. We still get plated appetizer and salad/soup but are saving 5K. It is helping us stay within budget so that we can have our wedding at our dream location. I am also going to try to limit my dress to 1000. I want to look great but know that I would rather but budget money towards an open bar so that my guests do not have to worry about their drinks.
Those are my compromises so far, and I am sure there will be many more to come!
At this point, my biggest compromise is trying to figure out how to make our desire to not make guests pay for alcohol with our need to stay within budget. We'll probably end up going with a white bar or do just beer & wine. I'll let you know how it goes.
Other compromises:
-Photographer digital only (after a rather long email to the photographer telling her how much I loved her work, but unfortunately couldn't afford her packages, and she graciously worked within our budget)
-No videographer (not really a compromise since neither of us wanted one)
-Making our own invitations & do-it-yourself favors, programs, etc
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Family issues: I didn't really want kids at the wedding, but there was no way I could tell the nieces and nephews they couldn't come. And if they were coming, I wasn't comfortable telling my good friends that their kids weren't good enough, so I sucked it up and had kids at the wedding. In the end it was fine. I still would have preferred a kid-free wedding, but they hardly ruined my good time. And there were some incredibly sweet moments mixed in that wouldn't have happened without the kids.
Food issues: I hated all of the appetizers that DH loved--we just couldn't agree. Finally, I just let him have what he liked because it made him happy and I figured I would hardly starve, even if I didn't eat any appetizers. And I was right. I didn't eat a single appetizer, but, again, it hardly ruined my good time and DH was really happy about the food.
Budget issues: I got married at a hotel in the wine country, instead of at a winery because I just couldn't afford the rental fees for the wineries. I still would have preferred the winery experience, but I compromised by finding a hotel I really liked and was really beautiful. It might not have been my dream venue, but I was more than satisfied.
My general philosophy was (and remains)--a wedding is not worth fighting over, with your FI or with your family. Be reasonable and be open to other possibilities. Find an alternative you can live with. And once you decide on a compromise--let it go. It's not worth fretting or stewing over. GL!
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I compromised by purchasing a dress that is flattering (though not what I wanted) at about 1/5 of the price of my dream dress, choosing a lovely venue with a view of the parking lot rather than one with a gorgeous view of the Hudson River and surrounding hills for a savings of about $2000, opting to not have a videographer to allow for a more expensive and better photographer, and by selecting a theme that allowed for non-floral centerpieces.
For me, choosing what makes me happy means not going over my budget, prioritizing what is important to my FI and me, and making selections that I will be able to live with in twenty years.
here are the things that i compromised on:
- flowers - i went with the cheapest florist i could find and she ended up executing my vision PERFECTLY! so don't assume that affordable vendors will compromise on quality. i also thought about replacing BM bouquets with corsages but ended up going with bouquets since she was so affordable. i really didn't care about flowers - i just wanted them to be pink and pretty but i really didn't care much beyond that. no one else cares about the flowers, unless they are really super ugly or dead.
- DOC - our wedding was small so i ended up having my best friend act as the DOC for the reception. between her and the catering manager at the venue, everything was executed perfectly. while i regret making her "work" during our wedding, we only had 40 people and there wasn't too much for her to do so she was still able to have fun. i've got pictures to prove it! which brings me to my next point...
- photography - again, i took a gamble on this one and went with a fairly new photographer who gave us a really good deal. i couldn't find anyone on any wedding boards who had ever used him before so this was kind of a gamble but it really worked out for us, as his pictures were amazing! DH's brother is a fairly good amateur photog so i knew he would get some really nice pictures for us, so even though i was a little worried about our photog, i was confident with our backup.
- favors - we really wanted to go for unique and creative personalized favors but in the end, we just ran out of time and creativity and just went with little boxes of prepackaged candy. oh well! can't win them all. i'm sure if we didn't have favors, no one have cared or noticed.
- dress - i would rather put money into the parts of the wedding that everyone can enjoy, versus a dress that only i will enjoy. i really don't believe that a bride is any less beautiful because her dress is not made by a high end designer! there are plenty of designer dresses that aren't that nice and plenty of budget dresses that are beautiful. for every wedding i go to, i always think the bride is beautiful because of how happy and radiant she looks, not because her dress is $6000.
Let's see I can't say I compromised on a lot which probably wasn't the smartest since we were married less than 8 weeks ago and both my husband and I lost our jobs but I'll break it down for you:
venue and entertainment - these were the most important to us so we did not skimp here and I really think both of these things made the wedding. People still compliment us on the food, service and the how they didn't stop dancing.
photographer - In our area I went within the mid range. My regret here is that he was hired for 10 hours and left right after the cake because we started so early in the day with a church ceremony and pictures before that. If I could go back I would have had him stay until the end
videographer - We did not want this from day one and friends who were already married talked us into it and it was by far the best decision. Our budge was small here and I do wish we spent a little less on photographer and stepped up the videographer a bit.
flowers - I was lucky to have someone pay for this so I went about midrange on this as well. Its all a personal preference.
invitations and paper goods - I say this is something that you can totally trim down on. They all get thrown away and though I loved mine and spent more than I originally wanted to I wouldn't have changed it. Since the invitations were more, I did menus, programs, place cards and anything else paper myself. I also printed the invitation envelopes myself.
hair and makeup - this is something that I thought was totally worth it! You don't want to worry about that the day of and having people come to me that I had a trial with made this part painless.
attire - my parents bought my dress so I was very lucky. I ended up buying fuschia shoes so I could wear them again. This is all a preference and if I could have found my dress cheaper I would have been just as happy!
ceremony musicians - we added a violin and harp player. It was definitely not necessary but I can still hear them playing in my head as it was so beautiful.
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It's all about priorities. For us, our No. 1 priority was our guests having a good, fun time. When we viewed every decision through that filter, it made it easier to decide where to spend our money. So these things were important to us: open bar, good food, good DJ (though we saved $ by not having a band), cool venue
Not important: specialty table linens/chairs/chair sashes, invitation and paper products, centerpieces, lighting, flowers, videographer, expensive dress
Even for the things that weren't as important, we did still have many of them, but we did save money in these ways:
Photographer: We got the best photographer we could afford for 10 hours but that only included the digital files. We didn't order a fancy flush-mount album (thinking we can just do Blurb or order a $1k album later on, if we want to).
Videographer: We wanted a record of the day so our future grandkids can see, but it wasn't important to us to have a really well-done one, so we just got a professional to film the whole night and give us an unedited tape. He wasn't great, but that wasn't a priority.
Dress: I didn't shop at expensive places so I fell in love with a $750 dress and got tons of compliments on it.
Paper products: Invitations were from WeddingPaperDivas.com, I made the programs by myself ($125 for copies at Kinko's, $50 for ribbon, countless hours of labor for me and my friends). No menus.
Flowers: I had a budget and stuck to it. We did gorgeous bouquets but I wasn't picky about the type of flower so they just got whatever was in season in my color. Centerpieces were simple and had lots of candles (not in a cheesy way!).
We had lots of little guest-comfort touches like bathroom baskets, flip-flops for the ladies, and we made sure to go around and greet every table (as you should but apparently not everyone does that). I think those things make a big difference. Don't get too hung up on the details. It's all about having a fun, relaxed time where the focus is on your and your beloved and your families and friends. Good luck!
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So far, there haven't been many, but....:
The location: We went with what was in our budget and convenient for the guests. It was important to us that they all have the opportunity to attend (cost for travel and distance was an issue for some).
The food: We are planning a simple menu. Our budget is small and food just wasn't something that we really felt we needed to focus on. I'm sure it will all be delicious, and we will have plenty, but beyond that we haven't made many decisions. In this case, I didn't see the need to feed the entire town a multiple course meal.
The reception: In addition to a simple menu, we will have limited entertainment. This isn't really an issue/compromise, though; neither of us likes to dance! Our fear is that our photographer may have limited opportunities to do her thing and get those great pictures we loved and hired her for!
The time: Due to the location, we will have the ceremony and reception earlier than I originally wanted. This way we can have pictures taken at another location before our time with the photographer is up.
Compromises...sigh. As an encore bride with an encore groom, we are paying for this ourselves and when I tell you about being a BARGAIN bride...I really mean it! I'm a special education teacher and he does golf course/landscaping for a country club. I have 5 year old twins and money is TIGHT. We were going to limit the guest list and have our reception at a local teahouse-high tea for 50 anyone?! That got nuts-limiting our guest list, trying to decide who not to invite, do we tell people that their kids are not included...all of the above-NO. Our friends all have kids, I have kids (we have kids as he considers mine to be his and therefor, ours) and all of those kids are a part of who we are as a couple and a family-so many of our "dating" memories involve cookouts, kid's bday parties, family taco nights & potlucks with everyone's kids...etc.-so I compromised on having our reception at church. In the church social hall, which I NEVER thought I would want to do. In the end, I came to see, and my fiance was glad when I realized that it isn't about WHERE, it's about WHO-and getting married surrounded by our friends, family and all of their kids in the church social hall was more important-that who was there was more important than where. (of the 144 on the guest list, 36 of them are children...10 under the age of 6 in my family alone!) It will be noisy, rambunctious and totally like our life...with kids! :)
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Whoops-sorry bees-I meant, that we are getting married in our church's chapel and the reception is in the church social hall. Chapel seats around 125 and we are having a nursery for the ceremony-reception will include everyone.
I seem to have given up on some things rather than compromised. But they weren't things that were very important to me. Some of the things I gave up were:
My compromises:
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I will have no regrets just as long as I don't go over budget, its staying w/in my budget that will make me happy, because my FI and I will still have money saved to put towards our downpayment for our first house :) and thats most important to me. I am compromising by not having the following and I still know it will look amazing!
- inexpensive flowers (I'm using carnations & DIY my bouquets, boots, & centerperices)
- using the white linens my venue provided, no table covers, chair covers, or bows.
- beer, wine, & chapmpagne bar (thinking about adding a signature drink, but it won't cost much more, so Ill prob do it)
- DIY invitations, programs, escort cards, & cupcakes
- Serving two different pasta dishes with salad (we are saving SO much $$ doing this!)
But the things I did not compromise on were my venue (had to be outside & pretty so that I don't need to add alot of decor.) The venue I booked had to have white wooden chairs, and they did at no extra cost. I want white paper lanters & candles, so no compromise there. All in all I'm happy with my choices, and I LOVE DIY projects so I'm excited about getting started on everything!
Actual compromises:
-Location. We would have loved to have everything closer to Boston, but that was just NOT doable. We're saving a ton of money moving 2 hours from the city. Our venue isn't perfect, but it's not bad either.
-Linens. We wanted really nice bright tablecloths, but they are ridiculously expensive to rent.
-Rings. We're getting budget rings for now and upgrading on our first anniversary. We'd love long term rings, but the kind we'd like (custom, platinum, etc) are just not in the budget at the moment.
-Honeymoon. We wanted to do Europe, but we didn't want to do it without doing it well. We're going to CA, where we met, so it will be meaningful and a lot cheaper. Honestly, this will likely be better in the end.
I'm not sure we compromised on much else. A lot of our decisions were philosophical, but cost cutting as well. For example, flowers aren't environmentally responsible so we aren't having flowers. That also saves us a lot of money. I didn't care about having an expensive dress. Everything else we're missing, videographer, DJ, etc were things we didn't want, rather than because of a compromise. Everything else we're getting exactly what we want (amazing photog, great food etc). And we'll pull it off for under 15k. Woot. boutonnieres.jpg (45.2 KB, 104 downloads) 2 years old 
ahhhhh.. compromise.
We have set a 100 person limit which has meant we have had to cut ppl off the list. Trying to stick to that seems to be hardest. We did not do an open bar, as his family does not drink at all and mine does but they are all aware we can not afford to have the open bar. I did however have a bottle of wine available for my family tables during dinner, and soda and juice bar available.
Attire: That was a copromise all on its own.. I paid $300 for my dress. I didnt want to spend a lot on it as I wanted to use our $$ elsewhere. I got both of my flowergirl dresses at JC Penney for $40 each, its Easter season so all the adorable dresses are out. And my BMs paid for their own dresses. Our guys all have black suits so they will rent the matching ties and vests to coordinate, so the only tux rental in my FH and my son, who will be walking me down the aisle.
I am taking a gamble and having family friends "donate" their services: My FFIL is a bishop and will be marrying us (which I am excited for), my cousins bf is a DJ so he is covering that portion and my FH cousin is a photographer so he said he will handle that. We are DIY flowers and favors... and my FI have said they would like to pay for our rehersal dinner and flowers...
There was 2 things I wouldnt give up and that was my hair and makeup... while my FH is afariad I wont "look like me" I am excited to be the princess for the day and have it done... that is why I compromised on my gown price to afford the full kit-and-kaboodle.. And there was 1 thing my FH wouldnt give up and that was our honeymoon... he wanted to share our first week as husband and wife relaxing and spending quality time together before we had to go back to real life...
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Hi,
I am at the point in the wedding planning process where I have to make tough choices b/c of budget limits, time constraints, and just the fact that even if I had all the money in the world, there is no such things as PERFECT. As the bride, everyone says "it is your day, do what makes you happy." Sounds great, but what if I am not sure what that is anymore? Does it mean focus on what makes me happy at this very moment? Or, should I focus on what makes me happy because it is within my budget? Or, maybe it means being true to us as a couple even if it means there are some hurt feelings along the way? Or, should I focus on the things that will matter 10 years down the road when I have forgotten all of the little details that seem so important now? So, to all ladies out there please be honest when answering this question:
Did you compromise (are you comprising) on some things? If so, what? Why?