(Closed) What Did You Do/Read to Help You Prepare for Marriage?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have You Read Any Articles or Books to Help You Prepare for Marriage?
    PFFFT Books?! I'm a goldmine of marriage information. BOOKS SCHMOOKS. : (8 votes)
    22 %
    Yes! I have a few books/articles that I frequently go back to because they are so insightful! : (12 votes)
    32 %
    I would read more articles/books on communication/emotiona intelligence if I knew where to start! : (4 votes)
    11 %
    Polls improved my marriage by 150%. It's science. : (13 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada β™₯ EDD- April 2016

    I read The Female Brain back in highschool when I first started dating my Fiance and I think it really helped me understand the chemical aspects of our relationship and helped me prepare for the changes that would come. I think that I would have been confused/overwhelmed with all our relationship changes if I hadn’t read it (:


    I also read The Five Love Languages right before we got engaged and I found it really useful, as have many other bees.


    Also by Gary Chapman, I read the book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married right after we got engaged.


    I found it really interesting and it gave me new perspectives, although lots of the stuff wasn’t really a surprise to me since my Fiance have been together (and living together) for a while. I like that Chapman’s books have exercises to do as a couple.

    I also talk to my mom regularly about marriage and relationship stuff. I’m glad I have her to talk to since I’m the first one of my friends to be engaged and most of my friends haven’t really been in long-term or respectful/functioning relationships.

    Post # 6
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I also really enjoyed The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

    We also read 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright which I found really useful.


    I actually recommend reading this one even if you are engaged or married. There are good thought provoking questions in it that get you both on the same page. After reading it, I found that the issues that came up in pre-marital counseling we had pretty much covered in 101 Questions.

    Post # 8
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    We had some pre-marital counselling with our pastor. He had us read a book called “The First 5 Years” (I wouldn’t reccommend it if you’re not Christian, it’s definitely a look at marriage from a Biblical point of view, but I personally found it quite useful).

    Post # 10
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I really wanted to read some material before getting engaged/married too. I’m an athiest, so I wanted something secular, which was really hard to find! You’d think the non-religious would want to start off their marriage on the right foot too. lol

    I’ve been going through 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married (http://www.amazon.com/1001-Questions-Ask-Before-Married/dp/0071438033) with my SO, and I find it quite good (although he thinks it is a bit tedious at times). There are a ton of sections to go through, and some only apply to certain people – there is one section about marrying someone in the military, and others about marrying a celebrity, a noncitizen, etc. Overall I think it provides an awesome tool for discussion. Much of it my SO and I already know about each other, but it’s nonetheless good.

    And don’t laugh, but I have also been reading this: http://www.amazon.com/Men-are-Mars-Women-Venus/dp/006123205X/. Some of it is a bit generalized, but overall it’s a good message about how men and women communicate differently and how to work with one another on it. While nothing in the book is incredibly new to me, it still acts as a reminder that my SO and I go about things in different ways, and that is totally okay!

    ETA: Like PPs, I also really like The Five Love Languages. I’ve only read snippets. I really need to buy the whole book!

    Post # 11
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would highly recommend “1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.” I’m not gonna lie, though – we got in a few arguments because of how we much we disagreed on certain topics, but we got through them.


    Post # 13
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wasn’t a big fan of the 1XXX.. questions to ask your spouse.  I mean if you have the big things covered (jobs, kids, money, where to live, skeletons in your closet), then you don’t really have to know every single detail about your soon to be spouse right now!  (like what was your first kiss like and stuff – mainly what I’m talking about).

    I really like the John Gottman books.  He’s a statistician and somehow I just believe/understand numbers and facts more being the engineer that I am.

    Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by John Gottman and Nan Silver

    Some other books too: Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages by Robin L. Smith (very misleading title!  good book!)5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by Terri Orbuch (great book as long as the guy you married is an all around good guy of course)

    Post # 14
    3501 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2002

    i cant say enough about the five love languages and the seven principles to making your marriage work. Darling Husband and i read both of those before we were engaged, and we still talk about how awesome they were. they were both really fun to read and share too. we made date nights out of the seven principles book, there are a lot of fun quizzes and scenarios! they helped us learn so much that we completely knew how to handle or attack a problem before it came. 

    Post # 15
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee

    I saw your post and just took the 5 Love Languages quiz online. It was so accurate, and based on that and the recommendations here, I’m going to get the book too.

    Thanks OP, for the post, and others for the great suggestions!

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