What did you have "in place" before starting trying for a baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Both my DH and I are 27 and have full time, permanent careers . I’m a teacher and he’s a manager at an accounting company. We own a home, and although I don’t know if it’s our forever home, it could be since it’s big enough (4 bedrooms, very spacey). We have student debt, and our mortage but I’m not about to put my life on hold for that. We have been married just over a year (celebrated our one year August 4th), but we have been together for 11 years. We don’t have significant savings as we just bought the house… so that took all of our savings unfortunately. 

 

 

 

My opinion is that you can’t put life on hold forever. If DH and I waited to be 100% out of debt and to have significant savings we might be able to have kids by the time we were 40. That’s not what I want. Mind you, I do also have the opinion that you should have a steady income and a nice enough roof over your head. You should feel comfortably enough financially that you can care for another human being. 

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We own a house (not our forever home, but good for the next 6 years or so), have a dog, have good solid careers, still have lots of debt but all student loans and mortgage (which we know we can pay off), and just feel ready.  I was 26 when we got married and I’ll be 29 when we have our first baby, which was long enough for me, and I didn’t want to wait much longer.  I think it’s important to have a stable life (partner, career/finances), but I don’t think you need to have everything wrapped up in a bow.

Post # 5
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bri1o:  We were married, owned our home and were living off just his income and banking mine when we decided to try for a baby. 

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Great marriage, own our forever home, only debt is the mortgage, 6 month emergency fund, very healthy retirement funds, very health investment funds, 2 successful careers. But this will be #2 for us. For child #1 I was 18 and had nothing. I’ve learned a lot about building stability and success in the intervening years.

Post # 7
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Some people have a check list of things they want in place before they TTC, we didn’t, we just waited until we were ready.

We have been married 1 year, owned a home for 2, have stable jobs and incomes. And we have savings but not a ton. We’re in our 30s. I certainly don’t have “20k saved up for baby” like some people seem to think is important.

Post # 8
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bri1o:  Hubby and I have only been dating for 1 year and 8 months. Got engaged after 8 months, married since june 2013.

For me, this was the only thing that made me wish we woulda waited. But Hubby didnt want to wait longer because for him kids is what makes life worth living. He always said he wished he would have met me earlier so we could have had kids already at age 24 lol He is now 28 and Im 27. 

Anyway, Im now in my 10th week of pregnancy and we thought it would take a while to get pregnant, for several reasons. But it worked after 3 months of trying. So I have to say I was very much shocked. for. weeks. I actually just started feeling all the way positive about my pregnancy about 2 weeks ago.And the funny thing is, 6 months ago I had super crazy baby fever!!! And still I was shocked when it happened after officially trying lol

My hubby is an athlete, so we already own 5 apartments (1-2 Bedrooms each, so nothing crazy, but we rented them out and one day will probably live from it when his career is over) in two countries (his home country and mine where we met while he lived there). But we dont own our “final” house yet, because we will still be moving a lot due to his job. Also Im hoping we will end up in my home country one day, even though I agreed to live in his home country for good. As long as his career is going strong, we wont know for sure where we will end up.

We are financially stable. Im currently not working because I dont speak the language of the country Im currently living in and also I wouldnt get a work permission.

But I have to say that Im lucky Im currently not working, because of my pregnancy. I have so much respect for pregnant women that still go to work everyday. I just feel super miserable sometimes and barely get out of bed.

I always told my hubby (even on our first date lol) that I would want to be in a financial stable situation before I get pregnant, so I wouldnt have to work while pregnant and a few years after. I wouldnt want to miss out on my kids growing up. I have lived in the states for a while and always felt sorry that Mommies have to go back to work 3 months after giving birth, unless the hubby earns enough for the family.

Again, I have soooo much respect for pregnant women that are still going to work everyday!!! But Im glad I am able to stay home. At least for the first trimester.

People always tell me there is no perfect time to start a family. In my opinion, being financially secure as much as that is possible, would make things a lot easier, because it takes away a lot of pressure. Of course nobody has to be rich to start a family, but I would want to be secure, meaning having food on the table without struggling and being able to pay rent and such things.

 

Post # 10
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bri1o:  I mean, do you want to have savings? Yes, a place to live that fits you and your baby? Yes, comfortable incomes, a stable and happy marriage etc? yes. But there are no hard and fast rules. Yes raising a child costs a fortune, but over 18 years time. It doesn’t HAVE to either. And let’s be honest, babies need diapers, love, and milk. If you are breastfeeding, even cheaper. So have a good savings in place and make sure you’re in a comfortable position but I think people take things way too seriously and put way too much pressure to make things perfect.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bri1o:  DH and I wanted to be married at least a year, but of course we wanted to feel emotionally ready as well. We both have full time jobs and are financially responsible for everything. We also have absolutely no debt (with the exception of a house payment and pickup payment). We have a savings that we are confident could support all of us and the dog in case an emergency should arise.

We wanted to get a house and own a dog before we TTC. We got the house in March and the dog in June. We successfully got pregnant in July 🙂

We honestly did what we wanted to. We just knew we would have a hard time raising a baby in a small apt (that had both heat and cooling issues). The dog could have waited, but it was nice to get him beforehand because he has taught us a lot about how “kids” act, lol and to be patient.

 

Post # 13
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bri1o:  Thank you 🙂 When I had this hardcore baby fever we were living in Doha, Qatar. Far away from home. His club gave us this beautiful 5 bedroom Loft in the middle of the city with sea view and everything was perfect.  Buuuuut I guess I thought a kid would make it more interesting, since we had no friends there, besides his teammates. So I was mostly hanging out with boys. Your friend is probably going thru similar things 🙂

But now Im really happy about the pregnancy and wouldnt change a thing 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Absolutely nothing! I was barely 18 years old and was not even employed at the time. But everything worked out.

Post # 15
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We didn’t have a list of things we needed to have before having a baby; we decided that once we were both 30 we would start. We both have stable jobs and incomes so we felt there was no need to wait longer.

A couple of months before TTC, we decided it’d be a good idea to become homeowners before having kids so we’d have more space and also be used to having a mortgage and home expenses. We thought it’d be more difficult to adjust to the expenses of owning a home after having kids. It should be our forever home, or at least for a long time home. New construction home, 5 bedrooms and a walkout basement …As soon as we bought the house; all of our friends knew we were ready for kids lol.

We don’t have significant savings now since we used most to buy the house, but we will have a good savings fund by the time we have a baby.

We have been married for over 2 years

We don’t have student loans, but we do make payments on his car, mine is paid off.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH had an amazing job, and we had enough in savings for the downpayment on a house and six months of living expenses!

We TTC starting on our wedding night!

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