Holy cow I woke up to see so many new responses; this is wonderful.
I had so far read the main points of every post to my boyfriend and I’m curious to check out that 1001 book, just for kicks! Also he wondered why anyone would leave the lights on.. lol
I do agree with the traditional roles thing – seems to be a reoccurring theme in here that people have either personally encountered or heard from others. For us, this is something we have definitely discussed, but I know that no matter the arrangement, I might have to get onto him a bit. So far, if I explicitly ask him to do something like that it only takes one reminder. We very much agree that it depends on what time away from the house, work hours, and overall obligations we each have. For example, usually he is gone like 6 til 5:30 or so, but where he is currently stationed, the work is a bit different and he’s gone like 8 til 4. I work 7-5 with a longer commute. If this was the case when we live together, he would have more household responsibilities. Once we move back to a base, and especially if I’m not employed full time then, I would definitely have more. That’s our agreement, but it depends on each couple and not creating resentment!
The in-laws bit is also interesting! After I read him DisneyHoneyBee’s post, my own dude asked me exactly that, and I gave him my honest opinion – that I am not blindly loyal to him but that we would discuss it in private as it would depend on the topic. He approved, haha.
Holidays are also a good point! And the counseling. That is something we are currently looking into, but just for him due to some difficult experiences he is still having trouble processing.
The infertile thing is a really good point, especially if children are desired in the couple’s relationship.
It sounds like for many people, the living situation and location, as well as what is worth moving for, whose career to move for, and whose family to be close to are all (understandably) big topics. I agree! It’s nice to see other people’s perspectives – for example, for us it’s different because he’s military.
Pebbletots – This sounds pretty important if living near family. I currently see my family every weekend as we live in the same city, but my boyfriend has lived in different states since he was 18 so he sees them maybe 3 times a year – BUT, he talks to his parents several times a week at least. He is on the phone a fair bit and sometimes for a good hour or more. Knowing the current communication and time spent in other relationships is a good thing to talk about, as well as how that could/should change if a couple moves.
Also, every single weekend definitely sounds like a lot to me. That leaves very little ‘you’ time outside of work!