Post # 76
We’ve never traveled anywhere together so I’ve never had a need to see his passport. All I know is I can’t make any impulsive decisions right now. But I definitely know I can’t marry him. Whether or not we can start over and rebuild trust I don’t know. I cannot overlook this HUGE lie but I still love him. When you love someone so much it’s not as simple as just walking out the door. If it was then there was no love to begin with
Post # 77
Christina Burmistrova : Please seek counseling. This person has isolated you and no doubt is with you in part precisely because you are the type of person who doesn’t look too closely or hold him to normal standards. The truth is you loved who you thought he was. He’s not really that person.
You have a job, a car, and no responsibilities to anyone but yourself. Getting out really is that easy. Getting over it may take a little more time, but will be an investment in a better future.
And one lie? No, these are multiple and massive. He outright lied about owning the house for God’s sake. And every single day he let you think he was ten years younger.
Again, the crazy story about his father makes no sense. It wouldn’t have prevented him from telling you the truth and it’s a crock of BS anyway since anyone could just look it all up online. Who is he trying to con?
How are you even considering moving forward? You are young with your whole life in front of you. Don’t throw it away.
Post # 78
Christina Burmistrova : This is not the first lie you’ve heard from him! What about him lying about owning the house? Not telling his family you’re engaged?
Post # 79
I’ve packed a bag and I’m leaving now to go to my parents house for a few days. He hasn’t given me any space at all to think. I don’t know what will happen but I can’t stay in that house with someone I don’t trust. If my work fires me I’ll figure something else out. My sanity and well being comes first right now and I can’t focus on work and try to deal with all of this.
Post # 80
Christina Burmistrova : Good! I’m glad you’re going to your parents. Hopefully there you will be able to think with a clear head and get your thoughts straight. I’d suggest going absolutely no contact with him during this time as well. Don’t answer his calls or texts. Best of luck to you!
Post # 81
Christina Burmistrova :
This situation seems horrible.
Post # 82
I am glad that you are taking some time to yourself. This happened to me, only I made the mistake of marrying that man. He lied about his age, he said he was 5 years older than me, but he was 13 years my senior. He lied about so, so many more things and they were revealed over time. He lied about having a license (drove on a suspended one and ended up getting arrested for that). He lied about how many kids he had; he said he had one and it was actually three. He said he was paying child support (was not). He revealed he had been a drug dealer and went to jail for that in the past. I thought he was being very honest, except he left out that he was secretly doing drugs himself. Please, please, please do not ever marry this man. I promise you, my love quickly turned to hate when I discovered all of the lies. I have a feeling that your FI has been married before, too. Another reason he would have hid the marriage license. I dunno what state you are in, but it was a question on my marriage license request. By the time you figure out there are worse secrets, you could be trapped in a miserable marriage. I hope you believe you deserve better. 7 yrs is a long time, but you can find someone who honest to marry sooner than you think. Best of luck to you either way…
Post # 83
Christina Burmistrova :
What I can’t fathom is how the lie was kept up. I mean 7 years and he never once slipped up by saying he remembered some event he couldn’t have, or talked about school or college etc in a way that gave it away or said when he got his first mobile phone/car/apartment/credit card etc. And, it appears, neither his mother or his sister ever said anything either . How is this possible – even if he had prepped them to lie, surely somewhere someone would have said something.
And you never once saw a form filled in or photographs of a 10 year old year old him when he was not supposed to be born yet, or of graduation from college when was supposedly 10 ??? Either you are enormously passive and unobservant or he and his whole family are amazingly good deception merchants. Or both .
OP , this is all SO odd. I just looked at the slew of posts you made 2 months ago, which range from normal seeming questions about what band looks best with your engagement ring and what did we think of the the lace sleeves on a wedding dress, to the bombshell post of his mother and sister with whom you live not knowing you were even engaged let alone had a wedding date set and were busily choosing a wedding dress and rehearsal dinner etc.
All this despite the fact that you appear to have a quite beautiful and noticeable engagment ring
And now your FI is 10 years older than he said he was …..it’s as if some seriously strange family fantasy is going on, involving you all.
Post # 84
My family is just as screwed up as his is, maybe more so. Despite the lies, I know he loves me. He willingly sat in front of both of my parents and told them the truth. I’ve done some of my own snooping in the last week and I feel confident that I know everything. No, I’m not going to marry him. I made that clear. But neither am I willing to just throw away our relationship. I told him I’d give it until the end of this year. We will work on rebuilding trust and re-evaluate where we stand then. It may work out. It may not. But I am not willing to walk away unless I know I tried. People may judge me for that and that’s their right.
Post # 85
Christina Burmistrova : sweetie, please take time with your parents and then please see a therapist.
Post # 86
I’ve been spending the last several days with my family. They agree that I shouldn’t make any impulsive decisions. I have a therapist I’ve been seeing for many years. I’ve also made it clear that if I choose to move forward with the relationship and find out anything else it’s over. No discussion, no reconciliation. He needs to take time to really think about that. Now is the time for complete honesty bc there won’t be a next time.
Post # 87
Christina Burmistrova : don’t sell yourself short, just because you have a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you have to settle for more dysfunction. You have been very naive up to this point, and I can relate as I was in a similar situation once when I was young and naive. I had to learn to keep my eyes and ears open and to question question question. You’ve ignored red flag after red flag. Someone who loved you wouldn’t have deceived you for seven years. You deserve more than this. I don’t know if you could find a single woman on weddingbee who would advise you to give it another shot with this man, but if you insist on going back to him make sure you keep your eyes open this time. Don’t accept or assume an innocent explanation for things that seem a little off. Don’t let things go if you don’t get the answers you are looking for. I dated a pathological liar and your guy has all the markings of one.
Post # 88
I’m not letting him off the hook so easy. I understand how others can judge so easily. I suppose it’s my mistake for seeking input from complete strangers.
Post # 89
Better than finding out when signing the register on your wedding day/receiving the marriage certificate…
I just want want to reiterate everything the other bees have said here. You’re a fool if you decide to stay with him. To me this would be unforgivable.
Post # 90
Christina Burmistrova : what’s the point in saying it will definitely be over ‘next’ time?? Every bee in here knows there’s going to be a next time. I suspect you do deep down too.
You’re only putting off the inevitable; delaying the pain – not getting over it.
This whole situation sounds like the plot of some ridiculous novel – can’t you take a step back and see how it reads?
Don’t you know there are millions of men out there – don’t sell yourself short with this sad specimen.
It is possible to recover from the pain of a broken relationship I promise!