Post # 1
So our wedding is just under a month away and my only bridesmaid/maid of honor has been driving me nuts regarding what shoes she should to wear for the wedding. I suggested one color and to that she flat out told me she doesn’t want to wear that color, so I replied that if she doesn’t like my suggestion no biggie just wear what she wants because I don’t really care about her shoes. To this she informed me that she has been “going out of her way” for me, I was shocked by that remark as I feel I have been a very easy going bride. I have only requested of her to wear a dress in a certain color (which was met with a ton of attitude and took her 3 months to finally go with me and my mother to pick out). Aside from the color of the dress I invited her to the bridal shower and asked that she be there for the rehersal and the day of the wedding. This, to me, doesn’t seem like I’m being difficult. I tried to talk to her about this on the phone but was meet with tears and more attitude so I thought I would e-mail her and tell her that I’m sorry she felt hurt by my lack of interest in her shoes and that I didn’t think I was being so diffcult to work with. Her response was worse than the inital comment! She stated that she is going out of way as she has her own life and that if I took that as a negative it’s my fault as she said that to “give me something to appreciate – a friend who will go out of their way and support me!” She proceeded to tell me that I’m not allowing her to have any aspect in the wedding and that she doesn’t want to feel like she’s just showing up without presence.
We’ve been friends for almost 25 years (since 1st grade) and I never imagined that she would feel or act in such a manner. I’m at a loss of how to handle this. I don’t want to lose such a long standing friendship but I can’t handle the stress of her “hurt feelings” over SHOES when I’m in the home stretch.
Post # 3
Wow. It seems like she is really going through something. What is her life like…is she single? Married?
Have you been doing things with her outside of wedding planning? Do you call her and talk to her about her own life or has it just been wedding related stuff?
I had issues just like that with a Bridesmaid or Best Man who has fought me about every step of the way. Turns out that she is just really unhappy with her life right now and seeing another friend’s wedding planning and happiness is “making her more depressed” that she is alone. She ended up projecting that on me unintentionally even though I haven’t done anything to her. Once we had a talk and I was sympathetic and lent an ear and a shoulder to cry on, she snapped out of it.
Sometimes weddings make chicks go a little cookoo. I would maybe let her cool off a little bit and then meet up with her for lunch or coffee and ask her if she is okay. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and smooth things over for the sake of your friendship…even if the other person is in the wrong.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
Maybe she is just acting out because she is afraid of losing you or something, after the wedding. As far as the shoe comments go I have no idea whether she wants you to care about her shoes or not! Her comments a quite confusing. Maybe a face to face chat will sort it out?
On other thought, maybe she is sad that you haven’t asked her to do more? Maybe she feels slighted because you haven’t involved her in the planning. Not saying that is logical or an excuse for her to be rude, but maybe it explains her actions?
Best of luck! and remember a wedding is not worth losing a friend over. Find out what is really bothering her if you can!
Post # 5
It sounds like she has some other issues going on that might not relate at all to the wedding, but she’s using the wedding as a means to lash out. It’s not cool of her to do that, especially because it does sound like you’ve given her a lot of room to add her own style into her role as Maid/Matron of Honor. I think a sitdown talk is in order, face to face.
Post # 6
Weddings can bring out the absolute worst in people. Is she jealous of the attention being a bride is bringing you? Even totally rational people who love us can experience some ugly envy. Is it possible she’s feeling left behind by your getting married? Make sure she knows how important she is to you.
Post # 8
Thank you all for your comments – I’m going to give us both a few days to cool down and then try to talk to her again. I’m hoping that she still wants to be part of our wedding and can do this with a smile as I don’t want to tarnish a longstand friendship over what started off over shoes!
Post # 9
I would just nicely ask her what she wants to do for the wedding and just let her know you appreciate her. Nicely tell her you can’t read her mind. One day should’nt ruin a lifelong friendship.