What do I do? Everyone keeps backing out!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Stop picking a bridal party before you plan the wedding. Get a firm date and location and 10 months before the wedding pick your BP. You won’t have to deal with that whole “growing apart” issue. 

Also, make your niece a jr. BM. It’s a lot cooler to an 11-year-old than being a flower girl and it’s not as awkward as “sign girl.”

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I don’t understand why you would create a rift with you future sister, someone who you will be tied to forever (assuming there is no divorce), over her daughter being 1-year too “old” to be a flower girl. Who cares if she is 11 instead of 10? 

That is besides the point I guess. Don’t choose your bridal party so soon before the wedding. Too many things change.

Post # 6
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@marinesfiance:  At this point you have some time to decide on a wedding party since your wedding isn’t until June of next year. I would give it some time, and perhaps you will decide on some girls later. Or perhaps some groomsmen will drop out making the numbers manageable and more even.

On the issue with the flower girl I am with PP. I don’t see why a one year difference was a big deal, although I think 10 (or 11) is too old to be a flower girl. It would be better at that point, if you ever get on speaking terms with FSIL, to have her be a junior bridesmaid maybe.

Post # 8
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@marinesfiance:  Suck it up with the 11 year old and wait as long as possible to choose the new bridesmaids (if that’s what you end up doing).  If I were you, I would also thonk long and hard about why all these people are all of a sudden dropping.  You need to do your best to make time for these people if you’re asking them to do the same for you. 

Post # 9
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@marinesfiance:  Whoa calm down. It’s nice like your post was 100% clear. Obviously she overreacted, because those names should never be thrown around. And I’m not saying its bad that you chose your BMs when you were having a short engagement. What I meant, and I could have been clearer as well, is that you shouldn’t choose anyone new, or even really worry about it right now. You might have forged some new, meaningful friendships by then.

Post # 10
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@marinesfiance:  Wait… I’m confused. Is your wedding date on your profile not your correct wedding date? Because if you’re not getting married until June 2015 and have already had time to grow apart from TWO bridesmaids, you asked way too early. But then you say you had a short engagement, so I don’t understand. When are you actually getting married and when did you ask them?

ETA: Ok… I reread your update. You asked them because you planned a short engagement but had to move the date back. Got it. So… that’s the problem. You changed the date and unfortunately that means lots of things change so that’s “why”. But what to do now? I’d do nothing. Don’t even think about it until at least June of this year because that’s about when you would have started thinking about BMs had this been your original date. Things will probably settle down with your FSIL by then. Your MOH will have spent her big money on the car, etc, and will have a better understanding of her new financial situation and might be ok to be in the wedding in a year. You will possibly have new closer friends… For now just take a deep breath. This is really not something you have to worry about yet. 

Post # 13
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Why not just have one and only one bridesmaid? I’m only having one – your friends will probably appreciate not having to buy a dress and can just attend the wedding. A lot of people find it really burdensome.

You might want to tone it down a little – if the way you communicate here is how you are in real life, people might be walking on eggshells around you and not want to bend over backwards to make this work for you. You’re REALLY defensive and lashing out at people who are trying to help.

 

Post # 14
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Moraz: I was thinking the same thing. OP, I am honestly not trying to be snarky or inflammatory by saying this, but your posts on this thread are extremely defensive, reactionary, and short-tempered. I don’t know you and I’m not claiming to…only chiming in to say that this could possibly be a factor in the “growing apart” you mentioned. It’s normal to grow apart from a friend here and there, but when it happens several times in a short period, you have to start looking at the common denominator.

Post # 15
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Moraz:  Totally agree!

@marinesfiance:  OP you’re obviously stressed about the situation but if you’re going to ask for people’s opinions on here, you can’t lash out when they give them. Granted, some people can be very judgemental and at times rude in their responses but I genuinely think other bees are just trying to help.

 

Post # 16
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@marinesfiance:  No worries 🙂 Since you have sorted out the problem with your sign bearer, maybe by the time the wedding rolls around you will be on better terms with her mother. She seems like a bit of a bitch with the name calling and all, but hopefully you guys can get past this since you will be family, and I’m sure it would be a meaningful gesture for her if you did ask her to be in your bridal party. 

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