Post # 1
Hello, I’m kinda stuck in a dilema and I’m hoping someone will be able to give me some advice to what I should do.
In Feb. of this year, my now fiance purposed to me with a custom ring he made himself. Now, the ring he gave me is not something I would normally choose myself….actually it wouldn’t be something I would wear at all! It had green diamonds (yuck!) and a sapphire all in the shape of a heart. The band it sits on is very wavy and so no band would fit onto this ring unless it too was custom made to fit into this band.
I’m touched my Fiance would make me a custom ring that HE actually created….but at the same time, I don’t like it. I can’t see myself wearing this for the rest of my life. I have tried explaining this to my Fiance, but he gets very depressive about it and its hard for me to get my feelings across without me feeling like I’m a bad person for wanting another ring.
Has anyone else had to deal with an engagement ring they didn’t like? What did you do?
Post # 3
Have you tried wearing it for awhile? My FI also designed my ring and when I first got it I thought there are some things on there that I would have done differently and would change if I got the chance. A month or two later I realized I love my ring and don’t want to change a thing. The same thing happened with my wedding band.
I would say wear it for awhile and try not to stress or thing about it. Come back to it later when emotions have settled.
Post # 4
Is there any part of the ring you like? Maybe you can take the stones that you do like and design a new setting for it? I would explain to him that while the ring is beautiful, it doesn’t quite suit you and none of the wedding bands you love fit with this ring.
Explain it to him this way…what if you had gotten his dream sports car in bright pink? What a waste of a super expensive purchase that could easily be tweaked into something he would love and cherish, if only he had been consulted about his color preference.
Post # 5
Well, that kid of sucks. I mean, it’s a tough situation to be in if you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you’re also really against wearing the ring… It looks like your wedding is in June? A lot people only wear their enagagment rings until the wedding; then you could stop wearing it and only wear your wedding band. It still means you’d have to wear the ring for the next few months, but it’s not a "lifetime" type of thing. Maybe your could even suggest to your fiance that you pick out your wedding bands together, so that you have more voice in the decision.
I would have a hard time not accepting a ring that my Fi obviously put so much time and thought into. If this were me, I would just suck it up and pretend to like it. Or put it away after the wedding and only wear my wedding band without saying anything to my Fi.
If you don’t feel comfortable with that, though, I think you should sit down with your fiance and let him know how you feel. This will be a tricky subject, because by denying the ring he might think you are denying the thought, creativity, and love that he put into the design. I also think it might be a good idea to not ask for a new ring right away. If he spent a lot of money on it, he might not be able to change the ring out for something you like for a few years.
Post # 6
I agree with Mrs. Spring. I had never heard of wearing just a wedding band until I saw it mentioned here. It certainly is a great option if you don’t love the engagement ring. I vote for buying a wedding ring that you absolutely love and wearing that on its own. Perhaps you can wear your engagement ring on your right hand for a while and slowly phase it out after a few months.
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2009 - Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception
oh yikes.. this is a tough one. Have you spoken to your fiance about the ring? Perhaps you could show him a picture of a wedding band you really like and mention that it may not look very good with the current engagement ring. Perhaps then he’ll figure out that your styles differ? I would talk to him..
Post # 8
I think it’s pretty common to wear your E’ring on you’re right hand after the wedding and wear your wedding ring on your left hand. So, if I were you I would pick out the wedding ring of my dreams… something great. Tell him that your E ring doesn’t fit next to the wedding band because of the "wavyness" so you are wearing it on your right hand. Then slowly phase it out… only wearing it on special occasions and when you go out.. etc.
Later you can ask for the ring of you dreams as an anniversary band if you want something more elaborate than a wedding band can provide for you. Maybe it can be your 1 year or 5 year anniversary gift. And you can always start wearing that with your wedding band or switch it back and forth as your right hand ring with the original E’ring.
Ps.. I’m very curious about this ring.. any way you could post a pic??
Post # 9
I think the idea of using the engagement ring after the wedding on your right hand is a fabulous one–find something you really, really like for your wedding band. It doesn’t have to be tons of diamonds or anything, just something you like, and maybe even something you and your FI pick out together.
It’s becoming so normal to wear the e-ring on the other hand after the wedding (my sister does it!), that I don’t think anyone would think it was odd. And it might be a way to salvage what your FI thought was special about the ring, while still getting something you think is beautiful, too.
Post # 10
aw thats a little sad, Im a sentimental person at heart, I would us eit and think of the sentimental ; some brides to be do not have that kind of thoughtful fiance, its sweet
Post # 11
I think it’s sweet that your FI made the ring for you. However, I’m one of those peopel that if I didn’t like it at all, I’d definitely have it changed. Tell him you want to re-use the stones. Have the sapphires and green diamonds set into a really pretty pendant to wear on your wedding day!!! It’s something blue, right? It just depends on how much you don’t like it. Do you hate it hate it? Or "well, it’s not something I’d want, but i’ll deal". I’ve had jewelry given to me by my FI that i hate (earrings, etc) and, well, I let him know. You don’t want to be married to someone and be living a lie in that he thinks you loves omething you don’t.
I see it this way. My FI hates boat shoes. If i bought him boat shoes and he didn’t like it, i wouldn’t make him wear them. I’d return them and buy him new tennis shoes. Well, you wear a ring a lot more than your shoes…and if you dislike it THAT much…well, you’re not happy. I’m sure he wants you to be happy too.
I’m not overly sentimental about stuff, I’m very practical, so it really depends on how sentimental the two of you are!
Post # 12
I agree with UrbanLeo – maybe you can just wear it on your right hand and pick a wedding ring that is more your style. I would absolutely go with the analogy that emilieee mentioned – that’s really true and will probably make your FI see your point rather than hurt him. It is always possible to modify jewelry, so I would take your time and plan some changes to your e-ring that can be done later. Focus on the parts you do love and go from there – or if the ring’s giving you mental block, get ideas from other rings you love and see where you can incorporate the elements that draw you to them. Good luck and please post a pic if you can!
Post # 13
I think you should try to say something. It will be so hard, but on the other hand, he should know. Since you are getting married in about 2 months, I would assume you’ve been engaged for a while and had some time to think about it, and if you still feel this way, I don’t think you will magically decide to like it! I know lots of people put their engagement rings away after the wedding, but I know my fiancee would be upset if I did that and wonder why.
Just think of a way you can say it without hurting his feelings. There are a couple posts floating around this section about that topic.
Post # 14
I didn’t like mine to much and when we went to look for the bands we feel in love with the one I got. Problem (not for me) was that it didn’t go at all with my e-ring. Of course he agreed and we bought a new mounting for my diamond. It is very hard and I never came out and told him that I disliked it I just made a point that the wedding band was more important and that it would be wonderful if I could wear them both but, they had to flow. I don’t know if this helps or not just thought I would throw it out there for you. Good luck!
Post # 15