Post # 1
I have a serious case of the what-ifs and I’m a terrible liar.
I mean, not in general, but even when he asks “are you ok?” he knows the answer before I say anything.
I have the most annoying taste in jewelry, and I’m really worried that I’ll hate the ring. He told me what store he got it at and I have never liked anything from that store.
What do I do? How do I deal with this one?
Sigh, I wish I were a little less of a brat. If only the symbol for engagement could be something other than jewelry!
What did you do? Or, did you even notice the ring when he proposed?
Thanks for everything!
Post # 3
You lie. Lie like a damn rug. It’s really the only decent thing to do. I didn’t like mine at first but it grew on me. Even when my FI specifically asked me if I was ok with it I said I was because I just couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking he didn’t do good. I’ve honestly grown to love it, but still look forward to upgrading in the future. 🙂
Post # 4
You need to re-examine your feelings on the ring. Your LOVE gives you the ring out of his love. It’s just a ring.
Post # 5
You tell him the truth, nicely of course. Tell him you love that he picked it out and that you love the thought, but that you would like a different setting since you always dreamed of “x” and you know its something that you will love forever.
Post # 6
my hubby didnt have the ring when he proposed but when we went ring shopping i kept saying classic plain gold band with solitare diamond and nothing else, he kept talking about other rings and designs and i kept repeating the above
we were standing outside the store and i didnt even look at the ones he was pointing at, i just kept repeating the above until he physically held my head and turned it and said look at that, what about that one? … i looked… and i said “oh thats nice!” and thats the ring we got
so wait until you see it before you stress about if you have to lie
and then think of ways to put it down the garbage disposal or mess it up in the sink so the diamonds/stones are perfectly ok but you need to remodel the setting 🙂
Post # 7
“Or, did you even notice the ring when he proposed?”
I dont think its possible to NOT notice the ring!
I’ve had friends and family return the original rings that their now husbands picked out for them. As far as I know, their husbands weren’t upset over the fact that they didnt like the rings and wanted to exchange them. In reality, this is a ring that you will have to wear for the rest of your life and you need to atleast like it. However, I wouldnt get too worked up over it until you actually have the ring and know what it looks like. If your SO knows you well enough, he would have hopefully chosen something that you will like despite it being from a store that you’re not really a fan of.
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice, and for helping to calm me down.
I’m just nervous because he told me all about it, and then he took me to the store when he picked me up (but wouldn’t let me see it).
The nerves are probably more than just worrying about the ring. 🙂
Post # 9
I completely and utterly didn’t notice my ring when he proposed. I remember him on one knee, asking me to marry him, and me blurting out “YES!” and him putting a ring on my finger. And then, a few minutes later, it dawned on me that I should maybe look at the ring 🙂
If you end up not liking your ring, I’d be honest. But you might want to give it a couple of days before saying anything. Even if the first impression is a bad one, it could still grow on you.
Post # 10
Welll….I guess it depends on how he would take it.
I wish I had given FI ring ideas, but didn’t, so he picked out what he thought was best, and it’s a beautiful ring, just not something that I’ve always wanted.
So then I wish I had said something soon after so we could return it. I didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt him.
So then I though about getting a wrap/enhancer so “cover up” what I do not like, but then I’m spending all the money on that when probably I could reset it for the same amount…(FI says he does not ever want to “upgrade” or reset).
So…I am going to pick out a wedding ring that I love, and not try to work it around the e-ring. And then save up my money. And then perhaps tell FI that my jewelry tastes have changed or that I think something else would look even better and somehow use this diamond in the new ring, but definitely do something different. I don’t mind paying for it, because FI has already put his money into it. I hope that he will understand, I really do.
And that was long. Sorry!
Post # 11
Haha, love the last comments about even noticing the ring. Actually, I remember getting so overwhelmed in emotion (ie. crying my eyes out) that I didn’t even see the ring (I mean I saw the ring, but I didn’t SEE the ring, you know what I mean?) until after he slipped in on my finger and I calmed down.
Truthfully, if FI and I had picked out a ring together, it would not be the ring I have on my finger. BUT what is important to me is that he thought about what I would like and he picked something to please me and to give me as a sign of his commitment. For that, I love this ring.
That being said, I think that there are a few options down the street. Once you have the ring and start planning, yadayada, you may find some opportunities to reset the ring. For example, if you are going to shop for a wedding band, you can pick one that you like, and then if it doesn’t go with the Ering, to gently suggest having the diamond reset in a new band.
I have thought about this for my own ring. I do think it’s a lovely ring, so I will probably wear this setting for a few years and down the road when/if we upgrade the diamond, I’ll be able to get a setting that I get to pick out.
Post # 12
I avoided this problem by telling him exactly what I like as soon as we started talking about getting engaged. 🙂
Post # 13
Miss Manners recommends waiting for some time to pass, then telling him that’s it’s uncomfortable and you’d like to have it reset. Seems like a brilliant plan to me!
Post # 14
I didn’t notice he even had a ring honestly. And I don’t think I even looked at it until he told me that it was a stand in ring until he had more money and we could pick out a different ring. I loved it though because he had picked it out. I told him what I wanted before though and he acknowledged that the ring he gave me that night wasn’t at all what he had wanted to get me but he didn’t want to be empty handed and it was all he could afford for the time being (and still beautiful!). I honestly don’t think you’ll notice right away though if you don’t like it.
Post # 15
It’s no use getting worked up over something that hasn’t happened yet. For all your know he might have picked a simple solitaire setting with the intention of you picking out a setting that is closer to your taste after he proposes. But if he doesn’t do that and gives you a more elaborate setting I say just lie through your teeth about it to spare his feelings! The proposal is such an emotional thing, you don’t want to compromise that memory by what the ring looks like. Wait a few weeks or even months, and if it doesn’t grow on you then talk to him about changing the setting. You know him well so you should know if asking would hurt his feelings. Some guys don’t care either way.
I did notice my ring right away. FI and I went ring shopping months before he proposed and I gave him ideas about what I wanted because I know that I am very picky about the things that I wear and this would be the most permanent fashion piece I will ever own. So he took my ideas and came up with something similar to what I wanted. Actually at first I wanted a square cushion cut, but ended up getting a rectangular cushion cut,, and I love it even more than what I originally picked out. So when he proposed I noticed my ring because it was a bit different than what I imagined, but it was a nice surprise.
Post # 16
Are you against shopping together? Even if you just went once, and pointed out a few for him to pick from so it’s still a surprise, it might help.