(Closed) What do I do if there's no gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jennifer.vanasco:  I would send a simple “Thank you for sharing our special day with us”.

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsHart2Bee:  This, exactly.  Send the note anyway, just thank them for coming!

Post # 5
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That happened to us.  I just wrote a card saying “We really appreciate that you were able to spend our special day with us.  Thank you for coming.” or something along those lines.  If they did happen to give a gift/card, they might call you up and ask if you got it, since you didn’t mention it in your thank you card.

Post # 6
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsHart2Bee:  Yes. I plan on (trying) to make sure I know everyone who was there and sending them a thank you card regardless of gift thanking them for taking time out to share our day with us.

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Agree with pp. If you ask, you are putting both of you in a potentially awkward situation.

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

You don’t do anything. 

It is not considered polite to send a thanks for coming, as it can be seen as fishing for gifts.

You don’t thank people for coming to your event.  Your reception was the thank you.  They should be thanking you for a lovely evening. 

If they don’t hear anything they may follow up with you.

Post # 9
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree…nix the asking and just send a thank you note thanking them for coming. If they see that you didn’t thank them for a gift and they got you one, they’ll make sure that they contact you about it somehow!

Post # 10
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@andielovesj:  I’m a little confused…how does sending a thank you for coming note fish for gifts exactly? There is no mention of a gift in the thank you? This just seems silly to me.

Post # 11
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

You should definately send them a note for attending. If you don’t mention a gift and they gave one, they will be sure to call. As a general rule we gave all people a thank you who came because the took the time and made the trip.

Post # 12
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Technically your reception is thanks for coming, and you don’t need to send an official “Thank you for coming” card. In fact, if they did get a gift that you didn’t receive then NOT sending a card would give them the opportunity to ask you about it, so it could come to light.

Post # 13
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@andielovesj:  I wouldn’t see that as “gift fishing” at ALL.   I’d be WAAAAY more inclined to follow up after getting a thank you card than to just randomly call a friend and be like “sooo…we didnt get a thank you card from you! whats the deal?”   Thats infinitely more awkward!

Post # 14
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@2PeasinaPod:  Since a thank you note is not traditionally sent for coming TO and event, it can be seen as a thinly veiled attempt at following up on a gift.

Like thanks for coming out (for which I have already thanked you for coming, with a meal, and drinks) now where’s my gift.

I get that most people aren’t fishing for gifts.  But that doesn’t mean that people don’t mis understand ALL the time.

Post # 15
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@mandypop: Agreed! I’d rather send them a thank you for coming card than have those people think I’m rude for not sending a thank you at all!

Post # 16
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@andielovesj:  I agree. Do not send a thank you for coming. You’ve already thanked them for coming with food, drink, and fun. You just wait. Plus, it’s still REALLY early. I just got a gift 2 weeks ago for our March 3 wedding.

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