Post # 1
I have a close friend that is getting married for very wrong reasons.. Financial reasons for one. She is around 100k in debt and relies completely on her fiance to support her and pay off her debt. He’s also her first, and first relationship, and first love.
The above doesn’t worry me.. It worries me that he seems crazy to say the least. Whenever we hang out in a large group or at parties, he says horrid things about her. He talks openly about how she’s a mooch, an unsuccessful leech with no job, and how she doesn’t even do simple chores around the house.. In front of other couples and quite loudly. She always laughs it off, but I can’t see how a person couldn’t be hurt that your fiance calls you a “sponge” in front of everyone she knows. He completely critiques her character and alludes to the fact that he has to pay for everything because she has no job.
He isn’t abusive, I don’t think.. She has confided in me that sometimes he will scream at her like she’s some kind of child, and she will end up in tears. I believe he may have pushed her once, but I am not sure. But I don’t know what else is going on or what goes on behind closed doors. She defends him and says the relationship is perfect.
Frankly, I’m worried for her. This is her first real relationship and I believe that she only thinks that because it is the first time she has been in love and just wants to feel loved and be in a relationship.
WHat in the world do I do in this situation? Do I ignore this completely and hope for the best when they get married?
Post # 3
She’s opened the door to you by confiding some of these things. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least try to have a very candid conversation with her.
Post # 4
What you described is abusive behavior. Does she have family who can talk to her?
Post # 5
@anonbeehere: All you can do is stand by and be a good friend. Don’t hold back your opinions though, if she asks – tell her! Let her know how you are worried, but you will support her in whatever she chooses.
That being said, my best friend/cousin has a weird relationship with her husband. Sometimes he will say things to her that would probably make me cry (or at least be irritated) and she laughs them off too. That is just the way they are… I know he loves her he just doesnt really have a sensitive/romantic side and everything is a joke. Took me a while to accept that, however your situation does sound a bit different.
Maybe try calling him out on it the next time you guys are in a group setting. Maybe just ask in front of everyone after one of his comments “do you really have to say things like that?” or “that is kind of harsh, dont you think?” along those lines and gage his reaction. If he gets really defensive I would say that is a bad sign. If he says he is just playing around then maybe he just has a twisted sense of humor. It also may make your friend open her eyes to the fact that everyone notices the little digs he takes to her in public.
Unfortunately, all we can give is advice and love. If she is convinced she is happy, there is not much you can do other than be there when she realizes the truth.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Well, you said she depends on him to pay off her debt. Im confused as to why he wants to be with her if he calls her a mooch. Does she live with him? Him making fun of her in front of everyone as well as yelling possibly shovingher is not right.