Post # 1
I moved in with FI’s family about a month and a half ago. It’s been stressful to say the least. His mother is always in our business and wants to know what we’re doing at all times. She treats FI like he’s 12 years old. For example if we don’t eat dinner at home she wants to know where we went and what we ate. She waits for him to walk away and then interegates me.
Saturday night I was doing laundry when no one was home. I wasn’t able to finish and left a load on the floor in the corner of our room. Sunday I was out of the house most of the day. When I came home she tells me she washed “the pile of clothes”. I thought I had left clothes in the laundry room and apologized for leaving a mess but she says no “THE pile of clothes”. This went on for like 5 minutes before I realized she went into our room and took my pile of clothes! She said she thought they were FI’s. Now FI weighs 100lbs more than me and wears 40inch pants. There is NO WAY to confuse our clothes!! Plus most of the load she washed I hang dry so she shrunk them. I am beyond pissed.
I know I am living in her house under her rules but there has to be boundries and there are NONE. This is the straw that is going to break the camel’s back. I don’t know what to do or say without completely breaking down.
Post # 3
How much longer are you going to be living with FI’s parents? Is this a temporary situation until you get married…?
I think you and FI need to sit down together with your FMIL and discuss boundaries. Yes, you’re living “under her roof” but you are grown adults and she shouldn’t be coming in your room and taking laundry and such. My mom didn’t even do that when I was a teenager.
Just sit down with FI and go over what you need to discuss with FMIL. Make a list so that you stay on track when you talk to her. Then sit down TOGETHER with her and discuss.
Good luck :o)
Post # 4
What does the FI say about the situation?
I would talk to him and see what he thinks and hopefully you can sit down with the in-laws and make your room off limits to them! You will clean it, you will do your own laundry etc.
Post # 5
i dont want to hurt your feelings, but her house, her rules. of course she treats you guys like little kids, you still live with your mom.
she seems very nosey and overbearing so i definitely understand your frustration. when is your timeline to move? it you only plan to be there for 2 or 3 more months, think positive and try to develop some hobbies to keep you out of the house. if you plan to stay more like a year or 2, maybe get a part time job so you can make the move more quickly.
Post # 6
We plan to stay for another 2-3 months. We’re in the process of looking for a house now.
As for FI, he does not understand at all. She’s babied him his whole life so he sees nothing wrong with it. It’s so frustrating! On top of all of this my job is extremely stressful. Also moving in with him added an another hour to my commute making my total daily commute 3.5 hours. I have no where I can relax and get away from everything. I am so going to lose it!
Post # 7
No matter what, she should stay out of your room. What you do in there is YOUR business. I’d be livid if she touched my clothes, too! I can’t put anything in the dryer or they all shrink and don’t fit. Then, a pair of pants is compeltely ruined b/c i’m too tall to pull them off or restretch them.
I think you guys need to talk about boundaries. A grown woman shouldn’t be coming in to YOUR guys’ room to do your laundry. I mean, what if you had something “ahem” adult laying around?
If you can’t handle living with her, try the new “Rules” for a couple of months. Set a timeline with your FI–if it doesn’t pan out within 2 months you must move out, etc, and do your darndest to try to get on your own feet. Parents don’t treat their kids like adults if they live at home ultimately.
Post # 8
Wow 3.5 hours of driving A DAY?! You guys need to find a home, stat. GOod luck
Post # 9
Yeah, when talking to her, just reiterate that this is a temporary situation and hopefully you all can agree on a way to live together more comfortably and agreeably until you find your house.
Post # 10
She shouldn’t have gone in your room… what was she looking for exactly when she went in there? Hmm. Your FI should talk to her about not going in your bedroom– especially when you aren’t there. You need some sort of privacy. If he won’t talk to her & you aren’t comfortable, would it be possible to put a lock on your door or would that just cause upset??
Post # 11
You definitely need to talk to her about the laundry business. That would be a huge breaking point for me too. BE NICE about it, though – no matter HOW much it kills you. Tell her thank you for her thoughtfulness in taking care of the laundry, but you’d prefer to do your own laundry (you can even mention how you have special care items that need to be handled differently so they don’t shrink!!)
About the inquisition – that’s just the mother in her. As ANNOYING as it is, answer he questions – or just offer up the information so you don’t have to get all the questions, and keep repeating to yourself that it’s just temporary. I don’t think this is a violation of boundaries – even though I know it feels that way.
In the meantime, see if there is ANYTHING you can do about moving out – even renting a small studio, anything!!
Post # 12
Oh hun, I know exactly what you are going through! Right down to the washing and shrinking of clothes. I had to live with my fiance’s family when I first moved to where he lives and it was not good. I love his family but it was not a good thing to be living with them. In addition to the clothes issue, they are a very ‘open’ family. For example, my fiances brother walked in on me getting dressed one day. And his parents don’t have a bedroom door – so let’s just say I saw a LOT of them.
My fiance and I’s relationship was very strained while we were living there. I was not a happy person, there were many tears shed. Even though my fiance didn’t fully understand, he did tell his mom to steer clear of my clothes. She was only trying to help (which I’m sure your MIL is doing too) but it was killing me. I don’t let anyone touch my clothes. Do you think your fiance could talk to her?
Even if the family isn’t all up in your business, it is HARD living with someone elses parents. I wish you the best and hope you find a house SOON!
Post # 13
I agree with the statement that it’s her house and her rules, but she should let your living space have some privacy.
Just say to yourself “think of the $$ I’m saving” when you get really frustrated! That is a good thing you know.
Post # 14
I have a friend in the same situation, they are living with his parents until their house is built. She says its very frustrating to lose your sense of space and privacy like that and it causes a lot of arguments with her husband. However, she said that they talked with his parents and decided that “their room” while living with his parents would be their own personal space and neither his mother or father could enter it.
Maybe you could discuss something like that and at least give yourself something that is “yours” for now and enable you to have some privacy.
Post # 15
I completely understand where you are comign from. My FMIL is exactaly the same way with my FI. We recently bought a house and she is constantly comig over and making “comments” about everything we do/don’t do. She is completely overbearing. I’m sure that if we lived in their house I would be spending as much time as possible at work. hang in there!
Post # 16
Thanks everyone for your insight. I’m taking a couple of days to digest my emotions and cool off before I have a talk with her.