Post # 1
I will start by saying that my husband and her husband are best friends, over the coarse of time we became close friends and up to this point I did consider her one of my best friends. She has been a little overbearing with the wedding plans. Apparently in passing my husband had told them how much I was going to spend on photography. So she decides to text me right after my husband leaves their home and start going in about my budget and how that is ridiculous and blah blah. So my husband comes home and obviously I tell him and show him the text messages.
Today: As I am gone wedding planning with my mom, aunt, and family friend. My husband calls her to talk and basically say that he would appreciate if she did not immediately repeat things to me because it causes a lot of stress and makes him look as though he was complaining which he was not. She proceeds to cuss my husband out.
Not two minutes later I get a call out of nowhere. I answer and say hey girl whats up. I get an earfull of obsenities, she says she wants nothing to do with me or my family or my stupid “bleep bleeping wedding” She says that me and my husband put her in the middle of our fight and we are blaming her for stuff she didnt do, because she did not cause an argument and starts going off about this make beleive argument we had. So I kindly say “I’m sorry but I will talk to you after you calm down” and I hang up the phone.
I call my husband, we both agree that she is nuts and blowing things out of proportion. As we are talking, (well I was bawling my eyes out at that point) her husband calls mine and leaves a message cussing him out. She told him my husband had cursed her out.(NOT TRUE)
Anyhoo, my point is, she sent me a “I’m sorry but” text message talking bad about my husband but I’m kind of like you just ended our friendship. I mean I want to remove her from my “bridesmaids group” on facebook because I feel like no matter how upset she was the things she said and called me were completely outrageous. How do I approach this? How do I say, “I accept your apology but we are no longer firends” and I would hate to mess up the friendship between my husband and hers but I don’t see any other way of this playing out. My wedding is in four months and I don’t need a psycho please help! Opinions?…. and like I said before I have no intentions of continuing the friendship but I would rather avoid another confrontation, and I’m afraid that her husband will just “take her side” and drop my husband and this is supposed to be the best man….(oh and she hasn’t purchased her dress yet so its not like its a big inconvienience)
Post # 3
I would not reply at all, and let the boys sort it out.
If and when the guys make up and the guy decides he still wants to be best man, you can formally discuss how she is invited to the wedding but not a bridesmaid. For now, she has resigned from the bridal party herself so there is no need to say anything more. I can’t help feeling that any response at all will just inflame things. (If she sent a full apology a response would be appropriate, but she hasn’t).
Post # 4
@paula1248: I agree, I feel that if I say anything else she will just become more defensive and I will just be hurt more, I’ve been crying all night. Its just sad I mean she said she doesnt want anything to do with my “bleeping” litle family (we have 3 year old twins), I was just in shock, I’ve never been spoken to that way in my entire life.
Post # 5
@livingthelifemommyandwife: wait a few days, if possible and perhaps the guys will talk about their friendship separately and whether your husband still wants this guy to be his best man.
As for her, if you no longer want to maintain a friendship with her, I don’t think you have to come right out and say it, just distance yourself from her. Remove her from the bridesmaid group, and if she approaches you to ask why, then state that you no longer want her as part of your bridal party because you are no longer friends.
Im sorry you’re going through this, it kinda sounds like she was venting some frustration out on you and your husband or just likes stirring drama. Either way it’s not your lose, it’s hers.
Post # 6
Did your husband really have to call her after seeing the messages? I personally think that phone call was looking for trouble. If she is one of your bestfriends, she probably had your best interests at heart when texting you about price but just didn’t go about it the right way.
I picked option 2..
Post # 7
Good grief! Well I would let the guys get over it first. Men don’t tend to be as dramatic and stew over things like women do, so most likely they’ll be best friends again after a few days. Then I would just tell her, “I’m sorry but I think its best if you weren’t in the wedding.” She’ll probably flip out again, but oh well. From there I wouldn’t make it a point to say, “we aren’t friends anymore,” I would just not hang out with her and like a PP stated, distance yourself. That may be difficult if you typically do things as a couple with them since your FI is BFFs with the guy, but I don’t see how else you could avoid hanging out with her without messing with the guys’ relationship.
Post # 8
@sharontobemarried: That’s exactly what I was thinking.
I’m all for your man trying to stand up for you, but did he really have to call her to put her in her place? That just seems unneccesary.
Post # 9
I’d tell her you think it’s best that she not be a bridesmaid, because the wedding is causing stress in your relationship. Then I’d keep my distance from her. If you outright say “I don’t want you in my wedding, this friendship is over” then that will definitely damage your FI’s friendship with his best man.
Post # 10
I think I’m a little confused…
Your husband mentioned the budget.
This made her angry so she texted you.
Then he called her and said that she made him look bad?
I think I’m missing something everyone else got.
Why is she upset about your budget? It’s not like she’s paying.
Post # 11
I’m confused, you keep mentioning your husband but you’re planning a wedding?
Post # 12
@Vikstar: +1 I’m so confused too.
If you remove her from your wedding party (but you’re already married?), that’s going to be a serious blow to the friendship between the two men. Not saying I wouldn’t do it, but just be prepared.
Post # 13
@Chrysoberyl: I’m kind of confused too… a few PP’s are saying the husband shouldn’t have called the friend… but why is it OK for the friend to call and complain, or rant (which is sounds like she did) or even mention the budget at all? It’s none of her dang business where the OP and her FI (husband?) plan to spend their money.
I am 100% on board with the husband calling the friend. And the friend is obviously imbalanced. lol.
Post # 14
WTF is your husband/fiance doing talking to other people about your budget? What business is it of hers what you’re spending? And what the fuck is everyone’s problem?
Post # 15
@Chrysoberyl: +1, I feel like I’m definitely missing something.
Post # 16
This is a REALLY bizarre situation and I’m a little unclear on your husband’s motivation in all this. Do you know how he reacted to the phone convo he had with her? Not that any reaction on his part would justify her reaction to you, but if he got heated with her, it would at least make a little more sense to me.
In any case, I would follow a lot of the advice here. Don’t say “the friendship is over,” because that’s overly dramatic/hurtful and probably not very productive, but do wait a couple of days and then make it clear that you think it is best that she not be your bridesmaid anymore.
This is a super awkward situation for your husband and his bff, too, because his bff is not going to want to hear about what a psycho his wife is, but there’s really no way to explain the situation without sharing that info. I’m not really sure how to handle that situation, frankly.