- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
You do NOT need to invite them. Remember this is your wedding :) Those women seem like wonderful and generous women and have shown their care and excitement for your wedding by coming to celebrate with you at your shower... it gave them an opportunity to join in the celebration ... but no... you are not obligated in any way to invite them.
This is the one and probably only time in your life when you get to make all the decisions :) Take advantage while you still can!!
Hmmm, this is tough. How many people did they invite, is it possible to invite them to the wedding too? I would definitely start communicating with your family members about who is and is not invited to the wedding. Are they helping to fund the wedding?
Okay, first of all that is MESSED UP! I would be really frustrated too! That totally seems like something my mom would do haha...she's much more laid back than I am (I can see it now..."who cares? so they won't come to the wedding! whatever!")
It is incredibly inappropriate that they invited people without okay-ing it with you first, but to question your choice in not inviting them is just unreal! Normally, I would say that you are obligated to invite anyone who attends a shower. But in this case, I think you can make an exception. The hostesses made a mistake this time, but YOU are the hostess at your wedding. And the good news is, it's right around the corner so you can always use that as your excuse :)
Several women are invited to my wedding shower that are not invited to the wedding and I honestly never saw this as an issue. They are ladies I know or work with (but not friend friends), but they wanted to come to the shower, so they are.
I agree with Brianalaura. How many ladies are we talking about? I would say if it is that many and you can fit it in the budget then go ahead and save yourself from any future headaches and invite them. also print copies of the invite list off for your parents and go over it with them.
@Brianalaura - These family members are not funding the wedding, and they DEFINITELY already knew who was invited and who wasn't. I asked them a long time ago to give me a list of everyone they wanted invited, and these extra women weren't on it. So they didn't get an invite, though I would have been more than happy to invite them had my family asked me to. I even sent all of them the final copy of the guest list in case they wanted to make any additional changes. I think the real issue is that they weren't aware of the rule that only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. And it seems weird, I guess, to invite someone to a shower, the only purpose of which is so they can give you a present, and then not also invite them to share in your wedding. So now I don't know what to do!
@jentus1813 - They are WONDERFUL women, and I was very grateful to them today!
@juliaelizabeth3 - That sounds like my mom! "Etiquette? What etiquette? Who cares?" And then..."Well, why WEREN'T they invited??" Oi....just shoot me. ;)
GAH! That's crazy! Well, you could chalk it up to the generational gap. I know my mom said that when she got married ('73), there were a bunch of ladies invited to her shower and not to the wedding. It was ladies like wulfin said - co-workers and so on. Do you think they would freak out if they weren't invited?
@Brianalaura - That's a good point, I hadn't really thought about the generational thing...I just assumed women who were older than me would be BIGGER sticklers for etiquette, but I suppose that requires that the etiquette rules be the same! I'm not sure if they'd freak out or not...one of them is a little spacey, and probably won't notice ;). The others are a family, who's been friends with my aunt for a long time, so not super close to me...but I'm pretty sure they'd notice, and possibly comment...I think this might be how they got themselves invited to the shower. I'm not sure I want to reward that behavior with an invite, but if I am supposed to, I guess I can suck it up. :)
One of my fmil's friends offered to throw us a shower. This guest is not invited to the weddign and fmil knows that, but accepted the offer anyways and then told me I had to had this friend to our list! Then a few weeks later she told me I had to had fsil's boyfriend to the list (they are 18, been dating about a year, still in HS). UGH I hate when people do this & they know you have a limited number of guests that can come!
Definitely a generational gap. This happened to my poor FSIL, and I am rather afraid it will happen to me. FMIL wanted absolutely all of her work friends and other friends there. My mom did the same thing at my graduation party (there were more of her friends there than my own!) - I think they want to show you off, but obviously most of us aren't having 350 people weddings, and can't invite every single one of our parents' and FILs' friends.
It's an etiquette faux pas, but one that you might have to live with. I don't know what to do about it because every time I say that I feel badly that they won't be invited to the wedding, the response is, "oh, they don't care! they just want to see you and wish you well."
@emilymunchnikoff - Oh WOW! That's terrible!! I totally get the limited number of guests thing, though--I panic every time I think about what will happen if all the people I INVITED decide to show up! Sigh.
@lilyfaith - You're probably right, I probably just have to let it go and live with the faux pas. And I've definitely heard that sentence uttered a time or seven today!!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 93 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| ndreighton | 55 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 52 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 36 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| violet25 | 16 |
| stardustintheeyes | 12 |
| BetterSherm | 11 |
| mainejen | 8 |
| rebwana | 7 |
| mags2233 | 6 |
| MsPoodles | 6 |
| strawbs | 6 |
| les105 | 5 |
| Beckster329 | 5 |
Ok, so I had my second (and final) bridal shower today, in my hometown. It was thrown collectively by my aunt, stepmom, and mom (a totally awkward situation that I'm sure I will discuss later). I provided them with a guest list, which included women in the vicinity who were invited to the wedding--pretty standard. Well, I guess they took some initiative and invited some people who weren't on the list I provided...and who were NOT invited to the wedding! So there were women at my shower, giving me gifts, but they didn't receive wedding invitations! I felt horrible! What do I do? Do I need to now invite them to the wedding? I don't know why they did that!! And when I pointed it out, the three of them just started questioning why those particular women weren't invited to the wedding...which is NOT THE POINT! Anyway, I'm just a little frustrated, so I'm looking for some guidance and a little reassurance. Thanks, bees!