Post # 1
My mom and I have never had a good relationship.
I bought dress one after looking through tons of them, only to found out later that my mom offered to buy my dress. (Insert dress insecurity here). We went dress shopping together and I found the dress I’d been imagining all along. It’s stunning.
The other week, however, my mom and I got into yet another heated fight about the wedding. A lot of hurtful things were said to me, simply because I didn’t want to give in to some crazy childish fit she was having. It’s been nearly two weeks and we aren’t on talking terms. I feel like she constantly fights with me, never apologizes, and then comes around and tries to offer me fun things to do that involve money…like money buys our relationship back. I’ve really just gotten to the point that I don’t want to even bother anymore. I just feel like this wedding is tearing apart what little relationship we had going for us.
So here i my dilemma. When we went to buy dress two she said she could only put 30% down, so a lot is still left that she owes. I need to schedule an appointment SOON for either dress to get it altered in time. Since we aren’t talking I don’t think I have any right (and I don’t feel like it will help anything as everything for her, seems like a bargaining chip) to just text/call her up and ask when she wants to go in and get my dress altered. (She still needs to get the rest of her MOB dress paid for which is on the same order as my dress.)
So, here is the question: Which dress do I alter? Where do I go from here? Do I ask her when she wants to go get our dresses altered? Or do I get the first dress altered, and not bother with the second one since I’m just sick of this?
I want a relationship with my mom, I really do. But a normal one, and I fear she’ll never accept me for who I am until she changes. I’m sick of all this drama. And fear being a bitch either way.
Post # 3
I would suggest that in the name of harmony before the wedding you just suck it up and make contact with your mom. She is never going to change, so you will have to take her as she is.
I would just phone her and tell her that the two of you need to make an appt for a dress fitting and you are calling to see when she is available. If she blows up at you and won’t go or gives you any indication that she will not be paying for the dress, then you will know where you stand.
She may just be too proud to call you and waiting for you to make contact.
Post # 4
I agree with julies1949: try to contact her once about the dress and if she doesn’t react well, go with dress one.
Good luck! I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time!
Post # 5
I agree with PP. It is clear that you love the 2nd dress more that your mom put the payment on. I would just call her up and try to make amends so you can try to be on better terms with your mom before your wedding AND wear the dress of your dreams!
Post # 6
Thank you ladies. I think the only thing I’m worried about is that the fight we had was about adding more guests to the list, and I’m afraid that asking about alterations indicates I’ll give her the assumption that I’m giving in.
Post # 7
I work in the same building and we carpool together. I have been having this same battle for months. My mom had to have things a certain way and since she was paying for htem that is the way it is. Whenever I tell her no she throws it in my face that she does not have to give me the money and to hell with this wedding anyway. So I feel your pain!
Post # 8
@StormyRose:see my Fiance and I are paying for our whole wedding ourselves. My mom was going to help out with centerpieces and invitations but I’m so mad that I don’t even want to have her help anymore.
Post # 9
@SleepingWithNuns: That is how ours was in the beginning. Then since she decided to help us it grew and grew. Now she is having problems coming up with the money and it is my fault. Because she wanted fancy linens and real china and everythign to “look nice”. I was happy with plastic tablecloths and plates…lol.