What do I do now?!

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow!  She is definitely over-reacting.  I am sorry if you lose her as a friend, but if so, I think she wasn’t much of a friend to begin with.  

Post # 4
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BynByn1987:  I think that you should just let it go. Though she may not have wanted this she is now having all this and sounds like she’s turning into a total bridezilla. No one is REQUIRED to be at a bridal shower. How is it your fault your husband surprised you with an anniversary trip and now you can’t make it to her shower?  I would still send the gift by the mutual friend but focus on the wonderful trip DH has for you on your 1st anniversary. I wouldn’t sent a wedding gift though or show up to the wedding if she is still not speaking to you when the time comes. Life’s too short to deal with unecessary drama.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

She’s acting like a child that didn’t get her way, not like an adult who’s ready to get married. 

ETA: you do nothing. Just like you’d give a child throwing a fit time to cool down

Post # 6
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BynByn1987:  She definitely is over-acting. Silent treatments are annoying. I also think they only work between couples and not friends. Friends are a different story. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to end the friendship, but now you want to. Why not be the first call her up?

Post # 7
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@BynByn1987:  You’re sending a gift?  Dang.  If she’s still mad at you after the shower and sees that you do care for her, you should probably end this friendship.

She might just be stressed and taking it out on you.  It’s not a good excuse, but it could be a logical explanation to her craziness.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you’ve lost her to Bridezilla-Land. But on the bright side, she’ll come out of the other side (hopefully) mortified about her behavior.

It happened to a good work friend of mine!

Post # 10
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BynByn1987:  

Aw man, I’m sorry that you are going through this. 

Hear me out, I understand her point of view —2 of my bridesmaids will be missing my shower, one is a cousin for whom I paid the honeymoon when she was married and the other is a friend for whom I just went to a destination bachelorette party in Vegas. The honeymoon one I understand. She lives in another country and I actually told her that she didnt have to come. The other, I honestly feel bummed over. She is moving this weekend (shower is in a few days) and she will also be missing my bach party bc she will be on her honeymoon so I understand, but I feel hurt… IT makes me feel sad that I really try to go out of the way for others but dont get the same

 

However, one thing that is not okay is reverting back to 7th grade / Mean Girls behavior and giving the silent treatment. With my BMs we talked abt it, I said I would definitely miss them but understood the situation. Yeah, I’m sad but I also understand, they have a life and as long as they make it to the wedding we’re okay. 

 

In retrospect, I think telling her yourself would have been better but it didnt happen so let’s move forward. I think you should ask yourself if you want to save this friendship? I would still send the gift with a thoughtful card and maybe even arange for a bottle of champagne, Then when you come back get together and talk it out? —Then again, maybe this “nice”  behavior is why people walk all over me? haha! 

Post # 11
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know this is a couple of weeks old now, but I just wanted to chime in anyway.

The thing with apologies is that they only have to be offered, not offered an accepted. By that I mean that you have done what you needed to do: you apologised for the changes in plans, and explained the circumstances. To accept your apology or not is up to her. This is now out of your hands. To continue to apologise and try to make it up to her is pointless, and only adds fuel to the fire by giving her more power.

I’m not saying walk away from her, but let her have the space she wants. Let her have as much space as she needs – don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are upset, sad, feeling guilty, whatever. Find something else to fill your time, and live your life. She’s taken this too far, and the best thing you can do is wash your hands of it.

You may find, after some “space,” that she realizes that she overreacted and she wants to work things out. Or, you may find that she continues to treat you as the bad guy. Either way, you will know where you stand with her, and can decide where she stands with you.

Brides need to figure out that their behaviour during “wedding season” (vomit) has consequences that extend beyond “I do.” Things don’t just revert to normal again once you take off the fancy dress.

Post # 12
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

She is immature and should be understanding of your conflict since you have been doing so much for her.  Sure she can be disappointed, but she shouldnt cause so much drama and be spiteful. Guess she showed her true colors.

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