What do I say to my bridesmaid??

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow- you are being more than generous and every comment always has a stread of truth to it. It’s not your responsibility to get her to the wedding (or even pay for her dress, make-up, hair, etc.). Plus, she’s the one wanting to tack on additional costs to rent a car and go out to bars. 

Post # 4
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

It could be that she’s embarrassed about her situation, so is trying to tease to make it seem less awkward. Also, maybe with point 1, she didn’t realize that you had no say in the matter…especially if you’ve been generous and offering to shift things around for her to make it easier.

She has a valid point about losing wages while she’s gone, and if she can’t afford to leave NYC often it makes sense that she’s planning to see a bunch of people all at once when she can. She could be laying all this out for you because she’s scared you’ll think she’s making up the money thing, or that she may not be getting you a huge present, etc etc.

As for what to say to her, I would respond to her joke/winky face with a “LOL! Yeah, can you imagine?”. I would continue to encourage her in her plans and keep reassuring her that money isn’t bad. It could be that she’s not guilting you…she’s just trying to stop herself from feeling guilty.

Post # 5
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honestly, I would avoid any talk of her finances. Any time she brings it up, try and just give a generic yeah or OK and change the subject. Keep reiterating that you are OK if she can’t afford to make it. 

You’re cool if she only makes it to the wedding? 

Post # 8
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I understand where you’re coming from.

My sister is local but so very, very broke. My bachelorette is in NYC and we’re just taking the train in and having dinner and drinks. Because it’s NYC, just this is going to be costly. I keep trying to tell her I understand if she can’t make it. I think she’s going to feel embarrassed if she can’t and that she’s missing out. She gets a little “woe is me” with the money stuff so I don’t feel like dealing with her that night if she’s feeling bad about herself. (I’ve tried to help her with her financial situation).

I almost feel like other people make a bigger deal out of the possibility of her not going than I would. When I mention that I’d be OK if she couldn’t come my one coworker was like, “but she’s your sister!” and FI is like, “why doesn’t she go and not drink?” 

Post # 9
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@208bride:  in dubio pro reo. I’d assume she really feels embarrassed and wants to make sure you’ve known about her financial situation early on so that in case something happens later and she has to cancel / cannot afford a gift / whatever, it doesn’t feel like she’s making this up. 

Next time she talks about finances, I’d tell her that while you’d be sad for her to miss out on the fun, you think it’s too much for her to come to both events and that it’s probably much less stressful for her to just focus on the wedding as this already will mean having to save enough as is. 

Post # 10
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

You could consider paying for her flight for your wedding which is where she is needed as bridesmaid and if she wants the challenge of saving up to make the bacholerette then that can be her goal.

Don’t worry about her, she will be helped by family and friends in her life until she can manage by herself. 

Get back to great thoughts about your wedding and just do what you can for her.

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