- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
My best friend since kindergarten is one of my bridesmaids. We have grown into very different people as adults, but I still really cherish the memories of growing up with her and adore her family. She means a lot to me. But she’s driving me NUTS right now and I don’t know what to do. I may be being oversensitive, but it seems like she’s trying to guilt me about the cost of attending my wedding.
The wedding is one hour from our hometown, in the town where I live now. She moved to New York City to follow her dream of becoming a writer. Upon getting settled, she suddenly realized that life in New York isn’t always Sex in the City. Last month, on payday, she had $1 in her bank account after paying rent, because she works at Starbucks 30 hours a week for minimum wage and her rent is like $1,100. In fact, she’s been there for like 4 months, and twice she’s had to put her rent on her credit card.
I am buying all of the bridesmaid dresses and paying for their hair, their accommodations/lodging, and their meals for all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so besides shoes, her only responsibility is really to just get herself here. When she told me she was moving to NYC I told her not to worry about attending the bridal shower or anything pre-wedding.
In the last three days, we’ve had these conversations:
1. She asked me to change the date of my bridal shower (which isn’t even set in stone, and since it’s being thrown by someone else OBVIOUSLY I don’t have a lot of control) because the flights are $60 cheaper the weekend before. I told her to contact my MOH and discuss.
2. She told me that her parents told her she can’t afford to fly home twice (for the bridal shower/bachelorette as well as the wedding) and she said, “Don’t they know that telling me I can’t save 3k by August just makes me all the more determined to do it?”
To which I said “3K?! You told me the flights were both under $500! That’s an awful big goal for someone who had $1 in her bank account this last month and I don’t want you to starve!! If you can’t make it, it’s more than okay!!”
She said, “Well, yeah, it’s 3k because the flights, plus I want to rent a car instead of just have you come pick me up so I can drive to (town four hours away) to see my friends there, plus I’ll need money for the bars in (my town, the far away town, and another closer town), plus I’ll be missing out on $1,000 from having to give up shifts at work so really it’s almost like $3500. And yeah haha I only had $1 in my checking account but I had almost $200 in my savings account.”
(Is she being as delusional as I think she’s being?!) I said that I thought her mom said something about helping with the flights and asked if that’s come up again, and she said she already owes her parents 8k because they paid her deposit, first and last month’s rent, and bought her furniture for her apartment in NYC.
3. Yesterday she asked what I was doing so I said I was going to lunch later with FI and my dad to plan some wedding stuff and she said “Maybe you can talk about my flights being part of your wedding expenses ;)”
I know (hope) the smiley face meant she was teasing but omg, I feel like she’s TRYING to make me feel bad when I’ve said over and over again she doesn’t need to attend anything she can’t afford!!! I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what she wants from me.