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My FI and I just got into the biggest fight... Almost called off the engagement : ( So I'm wondering... what do you and your man fight about the most?
It is between sex (he wants it much more often than I do and I get upset about that) and listening. I get frustrated easier than he does and he does his best not to fight. I usually get upset first.
I can't tell you the last time FI and I have really fought. We bicker pretty much constantly but thats not actual fighting and we're always kidding. It's rare when we don't see eye to eye on something.
ETA: Just remembered, the last time was well over a year ago when he didn't stick up for me after his brother put me down in my own home (something I do NOT tolerate). I just locked myself in our bedroom until his brother left and then let him have it. He didn't really say much since he knew he was wrong. Still pisses me off to this day.
not very often, but a recurring issue is money. he wasn't raised with good saving habits and struggles with controlling his spending. he has gotten a lot better, but its definitely still a challenge for us to work through.
We just fight when we are stressed out or really tired. It is never about a big issue, we work through those- but if we are tired or stressed we might fight about something random that "feels" (at the time) like a larger issue.
Politics and sex, but only when he is drunk. He is being an ass right now because I would not argue politics with him and I wouldn't have sex with him at 4 in the morning because it was my first day of my cycle and he was drunk (I was sober). He is still moping as I type this. Sometimes, everyone is ill behaved and it just takes a few days to figure that out.
We don't fight alot but when we do it's about his son as I sometimes disagree with the way things are done or perhaps an issue has been handled.
Like a lot of other people we bicker good naturedly everyday, we're both stubborn people who enjoy disagreeing about little things and butting heads. We agree on all big things and our stressors/triggers are all external. Right now we're shacked up with my mom and sister so little privacy = annoyance, etc. When you remove other people's issues from our life things are pretty darn good :)
Like everyone else--splitting housework. Though not as "serious" we get frustrated at each other over dinner. It goes something like this:
FI: What do you want for dinner?
ME: I don't care. You pick.
FI: I don't care either. Just pick anything you want.
ME: ugh, fine okay. Italian
FI: Well, anything but Italian. I'm not in the mood for that?
ME: Dammit! You said you didn't care, but you do, so YOU pick
FI: Well, I DONT care. except about Italian. I don't want Italian, so just pick something EXCEPT Italian
:)
Money and household chores, for me.
Good question, I was wondering this same question a few weeks ago.
I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually gotten angry at him over something, but as far as I can remember, we've never honestly had a serious, real "fight." Whenever an issue has come up, we talk about it (or I pout and avoid him until he makes me tell him what's wrong and I cry about it and then start talking, haha) and come up with a solution. I know that sounds so PC and not like the real world or like most relationships, but we just really don't fight. This isn't to say that there's anything wrong with couples who do fight occasionally, of course.
Household Chores. As I type this, he is in our spare bedroom moping around because I yelled at him for not doing the chores he said he'd do..and on top of that he woke me up at 5am...on a Sunday...errrrrrrrr.
We have what we call "I miss you" fights. We don't live together and 90% of our fights involve miscommunication about when we're make plans together and when we're seeing other people. Its really hard to coordinate time together and we get stressed when we go days without seeing each other at all.
Stupid bickering similar to Okole Maluna. It seems petty afterwards but at the time it can get really heated.
TRAVELING! Which sounds stupid, I know, but all our family lives in Georgia and because of his job we live in Florida. Most weekends he wants to go back to Georgia for some family function or other or just to go, and a lot of times I don't mind, but sometimes I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME! It's a 7 hour drive each way and it just gets so tiring (and expensive) making that drive all the time. Also, we don't fight about money usually, but since he has almost no interest in wedding planning, I really don't think he understands that we can't just be spending money as freely as we usually do. I know we need to have X dollars by August 20th, and in theory, he claims he does, but then he's like, "Let's take a ski vacation! I want an iPhone now that Verizon has it! I want to retile the house!" and it's like dude, you realize we're signing CONTRACTS right? Where people have to get paid? It's not a problem if you don't have an iPhone, but it's a PROBLEM if you spend all our money and when it's time to pay up we're like, "Tee hee, sorry! But look at my iPhone, Verizon has them now!"
Communication-mostly in terms of listening to what I am saying and then participating in a discussion. His background has taught him that when someone is talking you shut up, listen and go with the flow. Great about the listening, but would really like his opinion at times! It gets annoying to make all the decisions!
This is going to sound really weird...but we fight when DH feels like he can't give me everything I want at that moment. For example: recently I've had baby fever like crazy. DH and I are saving for a house and have planned to wait until we are settled in the house before TTC. That way, hopefully, I can stay at home with the children until they go to school. Anyway, DH and I got into a fight because I being kinda whiny about wanting a baby and he wants to give me what I want but can't right now and it frustrates him. He's like this about everything and it's sweet...but incredibly frustrating.
I would say we fight most about our plans and personal time. I get angry at how much he is on the computer, or get frustrated when we don't go out and do things. I don't know how to categorize that, but mostly it's "you know, you can't do XYZ forever. It makes me annoyed"
Household chores for sure. I work more than FH does, and I get so pissed when I come home and have worked a 12 hour day, and he is on the couch watching football or playing video games when there are dishes in the sink and a pile of laundry to do. Grrrrr.
We never really fight. Although the last month before we got married we fought more than ever and haven't had a fight since the day before. LOL it's amazing what all the stress of the day where you plan to committ for the rest of your life can make your relationship a total mess! However, the only thing that we do actually argue about in real life (wedding planning is another universe) has to deal with jealousy. We both are very flirty without knowing it and sometimes it can cause a little insecurity, but that's still not often at all.
We don't really fight, we debate, anything and everything Whoever has the best argument and shuts the other one up "wins". Seriously the last one was who has the liability, the county/city or the homeowner if someone slips and falls on your unshoveled sidewalk.
@MissShork we have the "I miss you" fights as well. DH is deployed but we generally try to see each other via Skype everday or at least every other day. We tend to bicker and pick fights with one another if we haven't been able to communicate with each other for whatever reason. I guess its good that we fight about not getting enough of each other... :/.
I am a very agressive, outspoken type of person and he is very passive and quiet. I really hate his boss and I feel that he needs to stick up to her more and he believes the exact opposite. So mostly when we argue its just about how differently we would handle a situation. We are definetly eachothers oppoisite which most of the time works very well but then for some things its a big disagreement.
I chose other. It's usually over something completely lame. But we really get into huge fights that are complete blow ups. We both hate fighting and would rather just talked things out.
The last time we did have a huge fight was when his friend disrespected me and our relationship when J told him an old interest started e-mailing him again. J's friend told him "well, you should at least get pictures from her" or something along those lines. J says he was joking, but didn't really stand up for us or me. So, I was really pissed off at that. Thankfully this was before we were engaged or I may have made a stupid mistake out of of anger. It's something that I'm still trying to get over, but I do NOT like when other people try to interfere with my relationships. It's happened before and I'll be damned if I let it happen again.
We bicker about a lot of different things. Work, money stress, family. But it's not fighting. We do have discussions quite a lot, where I feel I need to remind him he's marrying me, and we're meant to be our own family before anyone else. He's a people pleaser and will try to just "go with the flow" so much that it actually negatively affects us both. I try to remind him that we have as much "right" to our lives, feelings, etc. as everyone else does.
I wouldn't say we 'fight' its more bicker and its always about cleaning and dinner. I have never been an organized person, EVER, and he is very organized. So we butt heads sometimes on that. Then the magical "What do you want for dinner" debate. Neither one of us like to be the decision maker so that conversation could go on for a while. And I am also an awful cook. :)
But I say if those are the only issues we have then we are golden!
@littlemissmango: Nothing wrong with that! After 6 years together, including 4 years of us living together, we have never gotten in a serious fight. We bicker about dumb stuff, like where to have dinner, etc. But we never fight.
Really the only time we "fight" is over what time we need to leave the house to be somewhere. He likes to show up 15-20 minutes early to everything. I like to be 20 or so minutes late to everything, cause I know everybody else is going to be late too and there's no point in us just sitting around waiting on them. Ha! It's not a real fight though. More like a couple snippy comments.
@Lindsay12.31.2010: Good to know I'm not alone! We've been together for 2, living together for a year and a half... hope we can go the next 4 fight-free too like you guys! :)
We really don't fight. Our only fights are pretty much when I'm PMSing (or now pregnant hormones), and we both know the reasons behind it so he appologizes even though he didn't do anything and we're fine.
Him wanting "alone time" and me feeling neglected because of it. Sometimes I'll try to start a conversation with him when he's in this mood and he'll say something that feels rude to me and that will start it. This is pretty rare though. No big fights yet! (We got the major fights out of the way before we were engaged, I think!)
I chose money, 'cause that's what we disagree on the most, but a tie for second place would be (like everyone else, apparently) household chores, and my mother(dont' ask).
@MissFlipFlops: We're the same way, too. And it's hard for me to learn to bite my tongue as it were, because he's sensitive and feels attacked when I get all loud and outspoken. But that's just how I vent, that's who I am, and it's hard to curb that when we argue-I hafta remember it won't be effective on him, and I sometimes hafta pick and prod and almost interrogate him to get stuff outta him, so you can imagine how much more fun it makes our arguments, lol.
Um... the wedding, actually.
It has by far been the most emotionally draining experience with all the family drama (from both sides)!
#1 Politics - It's not angry fighting since it's not personal, but it usually ends with me refusing to talk about it anymore and extremely frustrated. We are polar opposites about a few things...the social welfare type issues, as well as opposite parties. Luckily on the really touchy social issues (abortion, gay marriage, marijuana, etc) we are on the same page.
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