Post # 1
What makes a relationship a serious one? Is it the length of time you have been together? How long you’ve been exclusive? Whether or not you are physically intimate? Is it only serious after you’ve both said “I love you”?
I am asking because a cousin of mine is getting married this summer. She is now planning her invitations. She is inviting a guy she once dated. My understanding was that she and her Fiance were ok with each other inviting people they’d casually dated, but not anyone with whom either had a serious relationship (i.e., he’s not inviting his ex-fiancee).
So I asked her how she was getting away with inviting “Joe.” She told me because they only dated about six months, it wasn’t a serious relationship. Now, I remember that while they were together, they did say I love you to each other, they were physically intimate, and they did talk about their possible future together. They each met the other’s families and spent most of their free time together. I know at the time, she considered it serious. But they broke up after six months for reasons that still aren’t clear to me.
But she says her Fiance is OK with Joe coming as he is a mutual friend. And I like Joe too, so I’ll be glad to see him at the wedding. But the situation really made me think. What is a serious relationship? Was her relationship with Joe not serious simply because it only lasted six months? Would it have been a serious relationship had it lasted a year?
To me, their relationship was a serious one…just a serious relationship that didn’t last. What do you consider a serious relationship?
Post # 3
I guess I consider a relationship to be serious when you are fully engulfed in each other’s lives – you have met his/her family, friends, etc. That is a huge criteria for me because I do not bring men around those people until I am certain they are 100% committed to me 🙂 The timeline varies, but it usually takes months.
I actually ‘dated’ a guy for 3 months…we would see each other occassionally, one-on-one dates, etc, but never met ‘key’ people in each of our lives!. I would certainly never say we were serious!!
Post # 4
Someone I spent a lot of time with. I would consider a 6+ month relationship serious for me.
Post # 5
I think that definition is up to the individual person, or couple to decide.
Post # 6
For me, I have this weird thing where I date people about 2-3 months or several years (two ~4-year relationships, prior to one w/FI which will be 4 at wedding). So…for me it’s past that 3 month hump! But I agree it’s how entwined your lives become. I have the ok from Fiance to invite one ex I dated 4 years, but not one I dated in high school for 6 weeks, both friends of mine. Why? The first is truly over (and they are fraternity brothers, albeit 4 years apart so he “trusts” him not to try to “steal me”). The second, based on a complicated post dating history, Fiance worries will try to get me back.
Post # 7
Personally, I never considered myself to be in a serious relationship until I hit that one year mark and when “I love you’s” were exchanged. I cant imagine it being sooner. Then again, when I was 18, it was a serious relationship when we hit the one year mark and we were exclusive. I guess it means more when you get older.
Post # 8
I think that there is no exact criteria for whether a relationship is serious or not. Sometimes when you have found the right guy, you look back at all those other relationships and realize how “un-serious” they were, even if at the time they felt serious … So maybe this is just reflective of her feelings now towards that person, either way I dont think theres anything to worry about…. My Fiance will be having one of his exs (1 year +) at our wedding and it doesnt bother me, they are friends and I’m not about to request for him to un-friend someone for me! but Hey, that’s just my opinion
Post # 9
To me, it is when both people are on the same page: equally into it. No time requirement, just a vibe, and exchanging honest comminication that you feel the same way.
Post # 10
I think my ideas of what a serious relationship is have changed as I have changed. There are some relationships that I look back on that I thought were serious at the time, but my perspective on them has changed, and I don’t view that as that serious anymore. I definitely think that once I introduce someone to my family and friends, then it is a serious relationship because I don’t bring every person home to meet mom and dad, but I could see how that might not be a big deal to someone else.
Post # 11
In general 6 months and exclusive. But my older brother has been dating the same girl for like 2 and half years and I don’t consider them serious. They were in an “open” (nonexclusive) relationship after being exclusive while she was in Europe. I think he lost respect for her after she suggested that. They have been mostly long distance. I asked him this summer if marraige was on its way and he said no. I think they enjoy each other’s company and they’re young (25 and 24) so they aren’t looking for serious. I would be surprised if they got married. My brother is in the military so I think he doesn’t want a serious relationship because he will likely be in a war zone soon. But for the mean time their relationship works for them, and I’m not going to judge it. And in case you’re wondering he gets a plus one, but I probably won’t specify her because I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to bring someone else (a friend, he and his gf are exclusive right now).
Post # 12
In the words of Patti Stanger:
A committed, monogamous relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.
Post # 13
I think I would judge whether or not a relationship was serious or not.. or just HOW serious it was by the breakup. When you’re in it and in the moment, saying the “I love you’s”, planning a future and spending time can seem very normal ( and it is), but once that break up happens and you really have evaluate how you felt is MY own personal indication of how serious things really were.
FWIW, my Fiance will have 2 exes at our wedding. both of whom are now married and a part of our lives, and I would say at one point he was somewhat serious with at least one of them, but as able to maintain a platonic friendship. I am glad he did, because she is awesome!
Post # 14
I’d say a relationship becomes serious when the couple start sleeping together but I’m old fashioned lol
Post # 15
When you start planning your future lives together, whenever that may be.
Post # 16
When there is a serious comittment made. Sorry but talk is cheap and if no guy is willing to put actions behind the words i love you, I’m inclined to doubt. But that’s just my experience.