- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
One of my bridesmaids, who is one of my oldest and dearest friends, has recently given me some news that I just don’t know how to handle.
I am in Boston planning a wedding in Florida. Said BM is in California, planning her wedding locally. I got engaged May 2010, she got engaged June 2010 and initially we were super excited to be planning our weddings together – what could be better?
I found a venue right away in Florida. We started tossing around the idea of May 2012, which she knew about. We put in deposit down in October 2010. At this point, we have had our place “officially” booked for almost 6 months and unofficially for about 8 which has know about.
She was tossing around the idea of Oct 2011, then Sept or Oct 2012, and finally decided March 2012. Her emails & phone calls were becoming fewer and far between where I had to ask her what was going on with wedding planning until she emailed me that they are most likely picking April 2011 – exactly 3 weeks before my wedding!
Fellow Bees – what would you do here? I explained to her that I was a little upset about this because my fiance and I now have to take off more time from work right before our wedding (which may not be possible) because you can’t exactly fly to Cali from Boston for a weekend plus have to spend so much $$ right before we are sending deposits, etc. As is, we are planning to drive down to Florida the week before our wedding because I am DIY bride and doing tons of stuff myself so we’ll road trip it down. Everyone is telling me the month leading up to your date is the most hectic. So, if we fly to California I will only have 1 free weekend before we have to pack the car up and head down for our trip.
We went back and forth via email but what bothers me the most is that she doesn’t seem to think that planning hers right in front of my date is a problem and she is assuring me that she will still be at my wedding. Well yeah…because it’ll be an extension of her honeymoon!
On the other hand, I will be in stress-wedding-final details-mode, but have to pause, fly to Cali, give her a subpar committment as her BM (which really breaks my heart that I can’t go for a long weekend now).
No matter how I try to explain this to her, she doesn’t see it as added stress because her wedding will be over and done with.
In the meantime, she’s been ignoring my emails regarding BM dresses and she’s since told me that she feels she can’t share her wedding planning with me because of what is going on…a situation, mind you, that she is causing! I truly feel that deep down inside she knows she’s doing the wrong thing and she is feeling guilty about it so instead of dealing with it, she is ignoring the situation and distancing herself from me.
This is the last thing I would expect from one of my closest & oldest friends.
Help Bees! Am I being unreasonable? How do I explain to her that this is so rude and inconsiderate without it completely ruining our friendship?