Post # 1
I was reading an article online about the usual tension between MIL’s and DIL’s – and it made me realize that while I read a lot about crazy MIL’s – I wonder how much we either intentionally or unintentionally bring upon ourselves by not being sensitive to what our MIL’s/FMIL’s are going through.
Unless they are certfiably crazy (which, granted, some out there are) 😉 – we both love the same man. Power plays and out of the ordinary circumstances aside – what do you do to try to be the best DIL / FDIL you can be?
As for me: I know I can do better. I try to engage with my MIL as much as possible, but truthfully go weeks without talking to her. We celebrate big holidays together and I make sure to honor her b’day, etc. – but for the most part, I let DH take the lead. I wonder if that will change over time – but, for now, it works! It also helps that I that she’s low maintenance post-wedding. There were times while we were dating/engaged that I felt she was getting super clingy to DH – but, thankfully, that’s all evened out now.
Post # 3
FMIL is one of those with real issues, so generally I just support FI in how he wants to deal with her. There’s not much more I would or even could do with that.
With FFIL, I try to be patient with him. I know he is going through a LOT of turmoil trying to realize his sons are, in fact, grown men in their 20s and not 12 anymore. He was an only child and is divorced, so I try to give him the benefit of the doubt when I think he’s being a bit strange about not having FI at home anymore (it’s been almost 3 years, so..) Also, I try to include him in plans. He was actually with us when we went to look at our venue and helped us pick it. 🙂
Post # 4
I go to as many family things as possible with them. I also randomly brought flowers by the other day (I sometimes do that for mom… although not as often lately… gah, guilt).
Post # 5
I’m just nice to her & help out when I’m over. They live over an hour away & are retired. I guess I could make more of an effort and call her every now and then but ever since she made certain comments a few months ago I feel no need to try and prove myself to her.
Post # 6
hmm, Me adn my FMIL, have a pretty good connection, shes a very very sweet woman and completely easy to deal with. I trully do love her and my FI’s grandmother as well. GREAT women, God bless them. That being said, being abroad now, its so hard for me to call her and talk to her all the time, even though I know I can do it more often then I am doing now. Maybe I shoul push it a little and call her like once a week. Hmm wow I dont do anything else. bad DIL 🙁
Post # 7
What DON’T I do… I feel like I try so hard but there’s no real reason to because FMIL loves me a lot already. I’m just the type of person who helps others a lot, but I do think I go above and beyond as FDIL sometimes.
Post # 8
This is so weird! I was just thinking what a great FIL I have! I seriously hit the jackpot! We all get along wonderfully, and have dinner together 1 to 2 times a week. Of course, it helps that they live 15 minutes away. FFIL is probably the nicest man I’ve ever met. He has the hugest heart and FMIL has grown to love me. We’ve come a long way since I first hugged her and she flinched and acted as if I had hit her over the head with a frying pan. =o)
In addition to spending a ton of time with them, we always are sure to remember birthday’s, anniversaries and I get FMIL flowers sometimes out of the blue. I have worked REALLY hard at getting the place we are at, and I am sooo glad I made the extra effort in the beginning. I know if I had acted differently with her, she could have turned into the mother in law from hell. So ladies, make an effort….even if it kills you because it could make all the difference! I know FI LOVES that I am so close to his family.
Post # 9
Be myself. No really, not trying to be funny, but it takes way to much energy being something I’m not because it’s what she “wants me to be.” I’m polite, but still don’t indulge her in my sex life -yes she actually asks, or other details of my “personal business.” I don’t know you like that lady!
Post # 10
I think the effot comes into play in calling her to catch up, send an email to her etc. We live across country so I would say I call her to talk once a month. When she visits or vice versa I try to spend time by going for walks with her and help her in the kitchen etc when I might otherwise be doing something else since we dont see each other alot.