What do you do in situations like this??! Ugh.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ok it was a little hard to understand with all the typos, but the bottom line is you or your husband need to really tell her to stop AND he needs to stop hanging out with her. Like for real, not subtly hinting or being polite. It’s not that hard, it will just require losing her as a friend. 

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsSnapdragon:  I think your husband needs to deal with this.  If he’s letting these ladies brazenly flirt with him, he’s enjoying it – or he would have shut it down, physically left, or found other people to borrow books from. 

I wouldn’t buy him saying he has no idea she’s flirting with him – he’s not an idiot, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.  This is something to work on with your husband, because once you know he’ll always shut these ladies down, you’ll find them as silly as they are.  Right now, he’s letting them be an actual threat. 

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry to say but your husband needs to set boundaries, simple as that!!! Or else all this will drive you nuts!!!

Post # 6
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree that your husband needs to handle this in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Even IF he needed to borrow her book, he didn’t need to hang around with her. You guys could have left and studied somewhere else.

With the SIL’s friend, I would personally go for a BIG HUG right back to her. If she can hug your man, there’s no reason she should mind a big fat obnoxious hug right back from you, right? 😉

Post # 7
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@MrsSnapdragon:  I read all of this, got fired up then read that you wanted to know how to handle this gracefully.  ….And I would NOT handle this gracefully….

It sounds like that girl needs to be blatantly told to GTFO.

Post # 8
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Polygon:  +1

@MrsSnapdragon:  How can your husband not notice this, but also know the girl has had a crush on him for so long (i.e., before he met you)? Yes, the girl is annoying, but he doesn’t seem like he is saying or doing anything to directly stop this. I may have missed, but did he say anything directly to her about stopping while you were with them?

In the end, neither of you can control what she does, but you two can control how you respond. Your husband (according to your description) doesn’t appear to be doing much. Also, why did he have to use her book? Was she the only one in the entire class that would lend it to him? If what she is doing is inappropriate and it really bothers him, he shouldn’t be hanging out with her or studying with her. It leads me to believe it doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it bothers you.

I used to have this problem with a few guys during college that would openly flirt and want to study with me. You know what I did? I stopped studying and hanging out with them. My DH never asked me to, I just knew I wasn’t comfortable with it and I put an end to it. Your DH needs to do the same.

 

Post # 10
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@MrsSnapdragon:  I’m pretty bitchy (to my DH and any woman that wants to flirt with him) so I would tell him to buy his own damn book so he didn’t have to borrow hers or if I were there I would tell her in as many swear words as possible to get lost!

It’s awesome that you’re confident that he doesn’t want anyone else, but she hasn’t gotten the message yet.  As his wife, feel free to make it plain to her!  Maybe talk to him about it first before you see her next time and she goes crazo over YOUR HUSBAND because apparently they’re friends? UCK! I would be so angry!

Post # 11
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You can tell them to stop all you want, truth is, you know they still probably won’t, AND there will always be woman like this, even if you do get one or two of them to stop (unfortunately).  I’m glad you can trust your husband, otherwise this would be a serious issue.  So really the issue is, these woman are being disrespectful. 

My way of handling it:  I don’t let it bother me.  If I see a woman flirt with my husband, first and foremost, it’s a compliment.  But sometimes, I do know it gets old, then I like to watch her fall flat on her face.  And I always put a smug look on my face like “yeah, that really was pathetic”- if it was our right rude, or “yep, he belongs to me” type look , if it was “innocent flirting”.    Sometimes it’s good to be reminded that yep, my husband is an awesome catch.  Also, bonus point to your DH for blantently ignoring her!  Next time she says “what’s the difference?”  I’d say “I guess I just got that thing, you know?”  and if she says “no, I don’t know, what?”  smile and walk away.

Post # 12
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@mchitt329: I thought this too. Why is he borrowing her book? Surely he could avoid incidents like this (which he clearly knows are a problem if he’s actively stopped taking classes with her) by simply buying his own. I don’t get this at all. I’m not trying to throw him under the bus as clearly her behaviour is inappropriate, but don’t you think there might be a tiny part of your husband that enjoys the attention?

Post # 13
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

For one thing, I wouldn’t let it go on for 5 hours. It wouldn’t last 5 minutes. My husband would shut it down and if he didn’t, you better believe I would. 

Post # 15
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@MrsSnapdragon:  Really? What book would only one person (her, of all people) in an entire class have? Sorry, that just seems odd. Why not check it out a the library or buy it off the internet? 

Sorry OP, I just think this would be a lot less stressful if you and your DH actively avoided the girl. Yes, he should be upfront with her and say, “I don’t appreciate you flirting with me, I am not interested.” Obviously, ignoring her is not working. After that, there is no need to be sitting next to her for 5 hours. Why would you or him tolerate that?!?!?!

Post # 16
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

This whole thing sounds really immature. So your husband attends a study group and one of the girls was trying to get him to socialize with them, and the one day you were along-he ignored everyone. I am guessing she made the comments because he doesn’t normally act like that unless you were around. Her comment about “this is what his life was like” was probably just talking about how there group normally is when you aren’t there, not meant as a dig. Sometimes when we are insecure these little things rub us the wrong way, but nothing you said here is that big of a deal.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors