(Closed) What do you do when a bridesmaid won't talk to you?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

One of my “friends” is like this…and she is one of my bridesmaids.  I feel like our friendship is on her terms right now, not on both.  So it sucks.  BUT…I am not going to let her ruin my day.  She bought her dress.  She’ll be at the wedding.  She just happens to be a sucky friend right now.  I am hoping things will get better eventually, but we’ll see.

 

I know it sucks.  I texted her a picture of my dress when I got it, and she didn’t respond.  I asked her about it a few months later (we live in different towns now) and her response was, “You’re being really demanding.”  I was like…wtf.  BUT WHATEVER.  

Post # 5
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Woahh…so it sounds like you know about school stuff, so you must know practicums can be very stressful and time consuming.  I bring work home almost every day of my practicum.  And I was totally MIA from everyone during the holiday break and especially right before school started back.

I think maybe she’s overwhelmed with school.  I would send her a message with NO mention of wedding, asking how school is going. 

 

I have a few slow/no response bridesmaids.  I’m just letting it go.  If they don’t RSVP there are certain amenities they won’t be provided, we won’t turn them away of course.  And we’ll plan the ceremony to go on with or without them, hopefully with.

Post # 6
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

@MissKit:  Ok, people flake. I have learned not to take it personally. Yes, it sucks but it’s just a part of life. I know if I need to cancel it makes me crazy when someone counters with “come for a little”. It makes me feel like I have to let them down again by saying no.

Ok, just needed to get that off my chest. 🙂

Listen, this girl is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Seriously, I can’t think of a single friend that I would treat this way. Or acquaintance. I would give her one more chance- phone or email and then I would not have her in my wedding. It’s adding unnecessary drama. Send the email. Wait 1 week and then say “based on our lack of communication over the past few months, I am going with the assumption that you do not wish to participate in my wedding. Best of luck in everything and I truly wish you well.”

Post # 8
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

I posted a few weeks ago about what a friend really means. To me, she does not meet the definition. Do you really want someone standing next to you in your pictures, sealed for a lifetime, that does not respect you enough to respond to your messages or phone calls? Does this sound like someone who will be in your life forever? Maybe I’m just too quick to toss people out, but please really think about this. If she wanted to be at your dinner party, she would have been there. How many times have you flaked on something you REALLY wanted to do? Zero. I honestly think her ignoring you is actually her way of telling you she does not want to do this for you. Maybe that’s just me…

Post # 11
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sorry to hear your going through this…I’ve have one friend who has tendencies to treat me this way. She is one of my BMs too…at first I just got really upset because like @mamadingdong:  said: I would NEVER treat a friend or even aquiantance this way! But unfortunately it seems a lot of people can be like that! 🙁
so now I just try to say “whatever” @peachacid:  you have the right attitude! the BM I am talking about bought her dress and came to all of the appointments (even thought I was kinda nervous she wouldn’t) …so at this point the show will go on with or without her!

Good luck, feel better your not the only one who has gone through this with a friend!

*hugs*

Post # 12
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissKit:  I’m sorry but you text her and received no reply. Then when you finally flat out asked what’s wrong she can reply. I MIGHT be too harsh on people but I dont need “friends” that bad. I dont see how she is your friend less yet someone I would want standing next to me on my wedding day. I have friends that take 18 credits, have a child, AND work and they can still take 5 seconds to send a text message. I think she needs to give you a good explanation but even then I just wouldnt want her as my bridesmaid.

Post # 13
Member
2545 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissKit:  I have to admit, I’m hooked on reading bad bridesmaids posts, because having my best friend as my BM ultimately ended our friendship completely.

She was like your friend too, non-responsive at all to messages and plans, left me hanging, was a no show, came late and left early to our rehearsal and above that was curt and rude to me on many occasions and also gave me the ‘busy’ excuse.

I had to literally show up on her doorstep and that might be what you have to do here to for your own sanity of planning. But I regret now having her in my wedding, because it became glaringly obvious that she never wanted to be there.

Gonna be totally honest…It might not be a jealousy thing. It might be that she just doesn’t care. I know that’s harsh, but people do make an effort for things that are important to them. She is sending you big signals that you are not on her radar.

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