Post # 1
About a month ago, I got a little upset with one of my BMs. She was invited over for a dinner party along with a few other people, and cancelled about two hours before. I was annoyed because of all the time and money my FI and I spent on the food, and her excuse was lame. She said school stuff caught up with her, but it was the holiday break! And she wasn’t even in school the last semester, she was doing a practicum! So I don’t see how she could have so much work “sneak up on her” when she’d had two weeks off, and still had 3 days before school started back up again. I had asked if she could stop by for an hour or two only, and she said “I would, but I can’t”. And that’s the last time I talked to her. If she’d given me more than 2 hours notice, I would have gladly rescheduled the night. There weren’t that many people coming and it wouldn’t be hard to change the day.
In the last month I’ve sent FB messages to my BMs about dresses and their thoughts on style/budget. She never replied to any of it. I sent my BMs a picture of my dress which I just recently purchased, she never replied. I tried calling her the other night, and she ignored my call – I know because it went to voice-mail mid-ring. So finally, I sent her a private FB message about two days ago. I just acted like I wasn’t put off by her behaviour. I said I hadn’t talked to her in awhile and asked what’s new, and just casual. No reply. Barely mentioned the wedding, other than to say we had some appts with photographers this week so I may not be able to call her as we’re pretty busy. Facebook says she’s seen all the messages.
I was REALLY pissed at her about ditching out on the party. It felt like she didn’t care at all about all the trouble we’d gone to. No respect. But I’m over it now. But I don’t understand why she’d be annoyed with me!
Do I just leave it? Let her be this way? Do I continue to be persistent and keep calling her?
Post # 3
One of my “friends” is like this…and she is one of my bridesmaids. I feel like our friendship is on her terms right now, not on both. So it sucks. BUT…I am not going to let her ruin my day. She bought her dress. She’ll be at the wedding. She just happens to be a sucky friend right now. I am hoping things will get better eventually, but we’ll see.
I know it sucks. I texted her a picture of my dress when I got it, and she didn’t respond. I asked her about it a few months later (we live in different towns now) and her response was, “You’re being really demanding.” I was like…wtf. BUT WHATEVER.
Post # 4
@peachacid: Wow! I can’t believe that! I don’t understand some people. I think it must be a jealousy thing.. it’s the only thing that makes sense. I won’t let my ‘friend’ ruin my day either. I just hope she doesn’t call me 2 hours before the wedding and say something came up!
Post # 5
Woahh…so it sounds like you know about school stuff, so you must know practicums can be very stressful and time consuming. I bring work home almost every day of my practicum. And I was totally MIA from everyone during the holiday break and especially right before school started back.
I think maybe she’s overwhelmed with school. I would send her a message with NO mention of wedding, asking how school is going.
I have a few slow/no response bridesmaids. I’m just letting it go. If they don’t RSVP there are certain amenities they won’t be provided, we won’t turn them away of course. And we’ll plan the ceremony to go on with or without them, hopefully with.
Post # 6
@MissKit: Ok, people flake. I have learned not to take it personally. Yes, it sucks but it’s just a part of life. I know if I need to cancel it makes me crazy when someone counters with “come for a little”. It makes me feel like I have to let them down again by saying no.
Ok, just needed to get that off my chest. 🙂
Listen, this girl is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Seriously, I can’t think of a single friend that I would treat this way. Or acquaintance. I would give her one more chance- phone or email and then I would not have her in my wedding. It’s adding unnecessary drama. Send the email. Wait 1 week and then say “based on our lack of communication over the past few months, I am going with the assumption that you do not wish to participate in my wedding. Best of luck in everything and I truly wish you well.”
Post # 7
@icetea: I just don’t understand why given 3 weeks of holiday, ONE night, a few hours even, couldn’t be sacrificed. I also don’t know why she would tell me she can make it in the first place. It’s called Time Management. I’ve finished college, and I know it can be busy, but I managed my time so I could make committments I’d made.
@mamadingdong: I don’t normally tell people, “come for a little bit” unless I really think they could take the time to do it. I know people flake, and honestly, I should and did expect it from this person. I’m surprised it upset me as much as it did. But your right, I shouldn’t have to deal with this unneccessary drama.
I will give her a bit more of a chance, and then I might have to seriously ask her if she’s wanting to be a part of this.
Post # 8
I posted a few weeks ago about what a friend really means. To me, she does not meet the definition. Do you really want someone standing next to you in your pictures, sealed for a lifetime, that does not respect you enough to respond to your messages or phone calls? Does this sound like someone who will be in your life forever? Maybe I’m just too quick to toss people out, but please really think about this. If she wanted to be at your dinner party, she would have been there. How many times have you flaked on something you REALLY wanted to do? Zero. I honestly think her ignoring you is actually her way of telling you she does not want to do this for you. Maybe that’s just me…
Post # 10
I talked to my friend on the weekend. I sent her a text and said Hi, asking how she was and mentioned I hadn’t talked to her in a long time. After 8 hours of no response, I replied and asked point-blank if she was upset about something.
She actually sent me a nice text explaining that she’s so busy and we’ll talk soon.
The thing is… is I don’t understand how a person can be SO busy to totally ignore everyone in her life? I mean, that’s not what friends do.
The next ‘event’ that I will need her to parttake in will be purchasing BM dresses. If she can’t make the time for this, I will take it as my opportunity to ask her if she really has the time to be a BM. I’m really just so afraid that a few hours before the wedding something is going to come up and she won’t be able to make it. We use to talk about weddings so much, and now that mine is actually here, I really hoped she’d give me at least 5 minutes of her time once in awhile. Even just to reply to a text to say Hi.
Post # 11
I’m sorry to hear your going through this…I’ve have one friend who has tendencies to treat me this way. She is one of my BMs too…at first I just got really upset because like @mamadingdong: said: I would NEVER treat a friend or even aquiantance this way! But unfortunately it seems a lot of people can be like that! 🙁
so now I just try to say “whatever” @peachacid: you have the right attitude! the BM I am talking about bought her dress and came to all of the appointments (even thought I was kinda nervous she wouldn’t) …so at this point the show will go on with or without her!
Good luck, feel better your not the only one who has gone through this with a friend!
Post # 12
@MissKit: I’m sorry but you text her and received no reply. Then when you finally flat out asked what’s wrong she can reply. I MIGHT be too harsh on people but I dont need “friends” that bad. I dont see how she is your friend less yet someone I would want standing next to me on my wedding day. I have friends that take 18 credits, have a child, AND work and they can still take 5 seconds to send a text message. I think she needs to give you a good explanation but even then I just wouldnt want her as my bridesmaid.
Post # 13
@MissKit: I have to admit, I’m hooked on reading bad bridesmaids posts, because having my best friend as my BM ultimately ended our friendship completely.
She was like your friend too, non-responsive at all to messages and plans, left me hanging, was a no show, came late and left early to our rehearsal and above that was curt and rude to me on many occasions and also gave me the ‘busy’ excuse.
I had to literally show up on her doorstep and that might be what you have to do here to for your own sanity of planning. But I regret now having her in my wedding, because it became glaringly obvious that she never wanted to be there.
Gonna be totally honest…It might not be a jealousy thing. It might be that she just doesn’t care. I know that’s harsh, but people do make an effort for things that are important to them. She is sending you big signals that you are not on her radar.