What do you do when a couple on the guest list breaks up?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite Sally??
    Yes. If you don't, the etiquette police are going to arrest you. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    No. You're not really friends, and you're poor. : (54 votes)
    92 %
    Other (explain in comments) : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @SarahTee:  I say don’t invite her because it sounds like you don’t care for her to be there. Although, it might end the friendship. Are you okay with that?

    Post # 5
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @SarahTee:  I have “friends” like that-facebook only. I would definitely not invite her then. Even though it is a little sad.

    Post # 6
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @SarahTee:  

     

    I think if you have been friends with her for a long time, you might be able to have a real conversation with her about this. A broken engagement is a big enough deal that it wouldn’t be absurd to ask her if she even wants to come- with your business dealings with John, you’re obviously more or less obligated to invite him, even leaving aside the friendship, and you may find that she’s been dreading the invite and having to decide whether preserving the friendship is worth accepting an invitation for what is probably going to be an intensely awkward and painful event for her (and one she’d have to travel to attend, at that). 

     

    If you talk to her about it, you stand a chance of saving the friendship (albeit in a much more casual form than in the past) and avoiding the invite dilemma. Whereas if you just don’t invite her, you will lose the friendship for sure, and it doesn’t sound like there’s any ill-will there, just normal distance and growing apart. 

     

     

     

    (Who is going to give you shit about not inviting Jane, though? Surely not having seen someone for three years or actually even being on friendly terms with them is legit grounds for not inviting them to your wedding!)

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    If your wedding date is true, it’s likely going to be at least another 5 – 6 months before your invitations even go out. I think it’s acceptable not to invite Sally — so long as you start distancing yourself now and stop all wedding communication with her (this would include blocking her from seeing any wedding-related updates on Facebook). 

    When people are parts of couples, and especially when they are not the member of the couple closest to those getting married, they agree to the implicit contract that invitations can be revoked if there’s a breakup. There was a breakup, and now these two aren’t even on speaking terms. Were you to invite both — and give both a plus one — it would likely just make things awkward for all parties involved or lead to conflict, depending on how mature these two are when it comes to meeting up with an ex and an ex’s new partner. If you DO choose to invite both, though it probably goes without saying, it’s key to let both know well ahead of time that they are both being invited, and with the option to bring guests. One or both can then choose to opt-out.

    In this situation, I probably wouldn’t invite Sally. She’s on the fade-out and has been for a while anyhow; you’re both closer to John…I think it just makes sense.

    Post # 8
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Oh that is complicated. Since she knew that she was invited you can’t really un invite her but no one should be giving you any shit for not inviting someone who you haven’t seen in more than 2.5 years and didn’t end the friendship on that great of terms on. That is bull. Maybe you could talk to Sally and see if she would even want to travel for it considering that John will be there and it could be uncomfortable. Or better yet if you know someone that she is friends with maybe they could feel her out about it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @SarahTee:  If you did not give her an official STD then you don’t have to invite her. You talked about the wedding with her when she was still engaged to John…so what? She is a big girl and surely she knows you are closer to him than to her and she is probably not even expecting and invitation anymore. Especially if you are not too concerned about the future of your frienship with Sally then don’t bother inviting her. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @SarahTee:  If she’s not really your friend and you don’t want to invite her, then don’t. Based on your post, you don’t want her there so don’t just invite her because you feel obligated. You should invite you’re close with and want to share your day with. 

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    If you’re not worried about ending the relationship I don’t think you need to invite her. It may be tough because you’re kind of “choosing sides” but hopefully she understands the business connection. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @SarahTee:  you haven’t sent her a std so i don’t think you are obligated to invite her.  in fact, it sounds like you don’t really care if she comes anyways plus it might add more stress b/c of your old room mate situation.

    look at it this way, if you took john out of the equation altogether, would you be inviting her?  probably not.

     

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