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I will never buy a bride accessories for her wedding day. No champagne flutes, guestbooks, ring pillows, or garters.
Yet, I have been given a million of these things, most often, they're drenched with little fake roses and white tulle.
It's a kind gesture, and I always thank them nicely. But now that the wedding day is approaching, I'm starting to realize that they're probably going to notice that I'm not using any of it. And the people who gift me these things are fairly "big players", as in my FMIL, and FGMIL. Oh trust me, they'll notice.
What do YOU do with all the tulle and fake rosebud wedding paraphernalia that people gift you?
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Oh goodness....I have no idea! Maybe...are the fake roses and tulle and bows removeable from the glasses? They're still not my thing, but if they only make a quick, one time toast to the gifters they might be ok...If you have any sewing skills, you might be able to deconstruct the ringbearer pillow and make it into a better one (minus the tulle, bow, and the addition of color, lace, etc.)? The rest is...well...I wouldn't use it. But I have a strong aversion to tulle and bows.
Use them all as decorations for the gift table?!
That is what I am planning to do with all the crap my mom bought us. Love her to death... but our styles are just NOT the same!
Step 1: Thank them for their kind gift. Step 2: Tell them you already have something you are using for the rings, etc, and were keeping it a surprise. Step 3: If they don't offer to take them back, sell them!
Haha, I didn't get anything like that, but my grandmother did gift us plastic bride and groom shot glasses on beaded necklaces to use at the reception. We just took a few pictures with them at the rehearsal dinner, and decided to stick with the provided stemware for our toasts.
@SapphireSun: that's a good idea. VM, you should use them at the rehearsal. You can have your bridal party sign in with the guestbook and use the glasses at the rehearsal dinner. The ring pillow can be used at the rehearsal too. If they ask you why, just tell them that you already had something for the wedding, but you still wanted to use what they got you.
Break it...
When they ask "I was so upset this morning b/c the dog chewed up and destroyed the box that had our {crap they gave you, and other mis. things that would be w/ it} we had to run to {store} to replace them quickly before we got here."
People know not to buy me crap and when they do (my mom and aunt) I generally ask them if they can return it because I already have a guestbook, etc. or the color/style does not match. I think those glasses wqould be perfect for a toast at the rehersal dinner, you can even thank your MIL for them as part of your toast so everyone knows they were not your choice ;)
@VirginiaMarie: What a strange phenomenon! I can't imagine ever thinking, "oh I know, I'll help out a bride who's getting married in less than a month... I bet she hasn't thought of [insert extremely obvious wedding object here]!"
I would go for the old "beg forgiveness not permission", use what you had planned on using, and if they say something, use one of the lines about having something already.
If all the gifters will be at the rehearsal dinner that's not a bad option, but only if they won't be even more offended that their previous gift is used "only" at the rehearsal.
I'm curious to hear the answers to this, because my FMIL has already started doing this, not just for the wedding, but also for our house. Everytime she comes over she has some piece of crap tea towel or coffee mugs or something. Never does it ever match anything in our house, or our personal tastes! I've taken to using/displaying it in her presence once, then chucking it out.
@VirginiaMarie: Seriously, you have some of the weirdest things happening to you for your wedding. I feel like you need to take the glasses and drink some straight vodka just to get through to your wedding day.
Ohh, man. I need to put up a pic of the toasting glasses FMIL got for FI and I! They have caricatures drawn on them of a bride and groom. She thought we'd just LOVE to use them at our wedding! Oh, but the caricature of the bride? Looks NOTHING like me. She's blonde-haired and blue-eyed.
The worst part is, FI thought they were so funny and "totally our taste." Um, no.
Oh man I would not be happy at ALL if I felt obligated to use ANYTHING with ANY amount of tulle in my wedding ANYWHERE. That pillow is outrageous!!! LOL sorry but I'm actually laughing at your plight right now!
In seriousness though, I like the other poster's suggestion of telling them thanks but you already purchased those items. Quick and easy way to get yourself off the hook!
I will be following this post closely! My Aunt gave me a bridal purse that she made herself a few weeks ago. It's not pretty and not my style so I have no idea what to do with it, but I feel obligated to use it!
Awww, they are probably just excited and happy to be buying wedding "stuff". I believe in honesty first and foremost though.....I wouldn't lie and say the dog ate them. While you are so appreciative and so happy, you found something else that was just a little more your style. The items they purchased are very traditional 70's in my opinion.....maybe that's why they like them so much.
Tough spot, though.
I get those magazines with all that horrible generic stuff in them (thanks David's Bridal for getting me on those mailing lists) and I always grab them from my fiance and scream excitedly "Ooooh! Tacky Wedding Crap!!"
I'd just tell people that you already have something that matches your colors that you'll be using but thanks for their generosity.
Oh goodness. Can't you tell them it's not your taste? Or have DH do it? Seriously--they will be buying all kinds of things for you if you don't nip this in the bud. My MIL bought us toasting flutes also, but they were really lovely, classy, modern ones. I can't imagine buying something so personal for somebody if you don't really, seriously know their taste.
Oh, dear! My FMIL does this too! I agree with the other ladies. Use them at the rehearsal or shower, by no means break them out at your wedding. There's no telling how many hours spent, hairs pulled, or blood sweat and tears you've put into your wedding. Do not spoil it with 90's wedding gear. And if they're you're family, they'll understand and forgive you for it. And if they don't? Well, they'd find something else to get pissed at you about anyway, so you might as well throw the wedding of your dreams!
Luckily, I did get the flutes moved to the rehearsal dinner. I think my face couldn't hide the tulle-shocked look, and FMIL caught on.
Since we have to travel for the wedding, perhaps I will happen to forget a few boxes at home? How tragic! But very likely.
Just because something is "wedding" or says "bride and groom", doesn't mean I want it!!!!!!
luckily my mil asked before buying anything, and when she did buy something without asking first (gifted us a wine glass for the ceremony) she offered right away to send it back if i didn't like it. but if i did get things like that, i'd just use them. i'd rather not hurt other people's feelings and deal with having a few things i don't like. the things will only be there for one night, while the relationship with your in laws will be forever.
@VirginiaMarie: who are you and what is your life!?! How are you not laughing every day throughout this process? Your life is a sitcom. First the selling +1s and this and I'm pretty sure there is something I'm forgetting!!! OY VEY!
My FMIL bought a crap ton of tulle to decorate the reception site. Then I told her I hate tulle. OUCH. We are compromising and I'm letting her use it in some places but not too much. Hopefully it will be okay.
I agree with others just say thank you but you already bought something that matches your wedding or whatever. Or just forget the boxes at home!!!
VM, you poor thing! I think I would die if my family gave me crap like that. I think that they all knew that if it was not waterford toasting flutes it would not be making an appearence.
@VirginiaMarie: LOL ~ How very sad that you forgot those boxes with your wedding items..........
@VirginiaMarie: this is exactly why we put the exact champagne flute, cake cutting set that we wanted and made sure that FMIL knew that i had already made the ringbearer pillow and flower girl basket! :P
we got the mikasa "love story" set... and we love them :) (**although we did get a shower gift of liquer glasses and a cake knife from the 1970s**)
i like youre "forget to pack a bag" idea :)
We've gotten a few of those things. Oy vey! Honestly, we're just not going to use them. If people do notice and ask, we're going to thank them (again), and say that they were too precious to use at the wedding (and risk damaging), so we opted to keep them at home as keepsakes. Or something like that...
I would definitely "forget" to pack the box! That guest book is heinous.
The only tacky thing I got was two feather birds holding a ring between their beaks (because our card box was a birdcage), and I begrudgingly put it on the top.
@Virginia Marie, I honestly find it really hard to believe that all of this weird crap actually happens to you... are your posts all written in jest?
re: flutes - accidentally break them?
re: other stuff - forget them at home/have another use for them/ lose them...
oh man - now you have me worried - i could TOTALLY see FMIL buying me stuff like this....
I was planning on making my ring bearer pillow. Making it myself. MYSELF. I'm a control freak like that. I wanted the famous Martha Stewart flower pillow. In comes my grandmother. She volunteers to do it. I sent her the instructions. Easy peasy done. I get a store bought stark white pillow with a store bought cream flower. So, this weekend I bought black satin to cover the pillow and I'm debating whether or not to keep the flower.... I suppose in these situations you just have to do what you want. If they have a problem with it (sounds like you hate frou frou traditional wedding things as much as me) just say you that they were just too beautiful to actually use and you'd much rather keep them safe in your china cabinet (with those wonderful frosted glass doors so no one has to see them ha ha ha). Good luck!
This already started for me last Christmas - my FMIL gave me a nasty cheap garter. And I'd soo wanted to get a beautiful classy one...however, I decided that of all the things to compromise on, it wasn't a big deal, so I'll go with it. It's not like it'll be in the photos.
I'm really hoping no-one expects me to carry a bloody horseshoe though!
I think saying you forgot them all is brilliant, and totally believable. You could even blame your FI... ;p
Just keep smiling, and remember people are only buying you this crap because they're excited for you...just keep your fixed smile on, and laugh about it later :)
Holy tulleness batman!
Break the glasses, say your dog ate the guestbook and the pillow. Or "forget" the box at home.
@WhiteRoseRed: horseshoes are useful for smacking people with though - i was 8, my brothers 10 and 13, i was giving a horseshoe to my uncle's new bride, but blacked one bruv's eye and knocked two teeth out of the other before i did so. Nobody calls me specky-four-eyes and gets away with it!
I have no advice for VM, i can't stop laughing!!!
All that stuff you posted is exactly what my mom likes. She told me she bought a ring bearer pillow and I would bet you that it's the one you posted. I've decided that some stuff just isn't worth the fight or the awkwardness.
you always have me rolling - seriously? who does this?
A few of the items, I might try to modify - take the tulle off, maybe add a ribbon or something that actually coordinates and call it good. That might be a good option for the guest book set, but I'm not sure there's anything you could do to make the pillow ok. The flutes wouldnt be so bad if you took the bows off - and if you dont like the etching (or whatever it is) maybe put a pretty band of vellum around it (Martha has some pretty vellum ideas.)
Then if asked about it, you can say you really appreciate it, but wanted to add some DIY touches to make them more your style :)
I'd just use it! It's funny to me! I would be light about it :) Modify it if it truly horrifies you ;)
Oh Virginia you just made me realize how fortunate me and my husband were to not get anything like this. My MIL did offer (and bought) our cake cutter/server set but they were simple and classic, not tacky. She even engraved our name and wedding date on them. She asked first and told us to go on-line to see what styles we liked, which I really appreciated.
I don't think I've ever seen a post like this. LOL! I'll be anxious to see how you get around this. I saw some good ideas up there. Must we wait until January??? 
Return them to a local party store. You are under no obligation to use or keep them, especially if you didn't want them in the first place. However, you do need to graciously thank the giftgivers with a thank you note of some kind. Since it's your wedding you are paying for, you decide what is used and what isn't. They be upset that you didn't use the stuff, but that is the limit of what they can do and it is rude for them to bring it up and accuse you of anything.
I need to take a picture of the champagne flutes my fiance's mom got me. They might suit someone else, but . . . definitely not me and definitely not our wedding.
We're going to bring them with us to the rehearsal dinner & use them there & use a pair of flutes my Aunt & Uncle gave us on the wedding day. We thought that was the best solution to make her not feel like we just threw away her gift.
So, yea, that is my recommendation for your frilly tulle & tiny rose wedding paraphernalia, rock it at your rehearsal dinner or at a welcome party, if you're having one, or while you're getting ready for the wedding. Basically any wedding-related activity that's not the wedding :-)
Oh, and the glasses have "I do" written on the bottom, so people can see it when you drink. Bottoms up!
@OP: I dug my own karma-grave by laughing at you. I was gifted a plush fabric picture frame embroidered with pastel-colored wedding bells. I dare not post a picture. *sigh* I know people mean well, but c'mon sometimes things become outdated!
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