How would you deal with this?
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What do you do when people just don't RSVP?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    msmonicka    June 19, 2010   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    I mean really what do you do? I'm not a fan of spending money for nothing. Today is my RSVP deadline and still I'm missing about half of them. We even sent out reminder letters about a week and a half ago because today is also the deadline to get the hotel rooms at the lower rate.

    I hate having to chase after grown individuals to make them take responsibility for themselves. I mean mail it already....it already has a friggin stamp on it. Write your name, circle what you want to eat and put it in the mailbox. Geesh!!

    I'm really leaning towards not ordering food for the people who don't RSVP. How long do I wait before I just say F-it and give the hotel the count we have?

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    You should start calling people that haven't RSVP'd.  You have to make sure you know the correct count and don't have to pay extra on the day of the wedding because some people show up uninvited.

     
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    denverbirdlet    September 18, 2010   Denver, getting married in Madison, WI

    wait 5-6 days for some more to trickle in (they may have posted them today).  Then start the phone calls/emails/texts.  

     
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    Tulip61110    June 11, 2010   Philadelphia

    We have already started the process of calling people that we haven't gotten RSVPs from.  Thankfully there isn't a ton of them, but it is so annoying.  My plan is that if people don't get back to us by the date our venue needs a count, then I'm not including them.  And they better not show up.

     
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    EvaBostonTerrier    July 3, 2010  

    I would wait about 3 business days after they are due and then start calling people.  Do you have any bridesmaids that you could delegate some of the calls to?  If people show up to the wedding and there isn't enough food or seats, it may cause some bigger issues (which I would personally try to avoid).

     
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    Selene221    October 31, 2012  

    If you don't hear back from them, get on the phone asap to find out what their plans are. Never assume anything, although some people automatically expect the couple to be mindreaders as to whether they are attending or not when they do not return the reply cards. If you are unable to get ahold of them, count them as a no.

     
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    Miss Britt    June 25, 2010   Kalamazoo, MI

    I say start calling tomorrow or the day after.  I wouldn't want to wait too long.  And if people have to pay the higher hotel rate because they were bad at RSVPing.  I say, too bad...their fault.

     
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    Rosie Girl    September 18, 2010   Montana

    I would start calling in the next day or two.

     
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    msmonicka    June 19, 2010   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    Thanx for the advice ladies. Man it's so f'ing annoying!!

     
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    Rgeddy    June 13, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    ours were due a week ago and we're still missing about 35.  I've split up the missing ones between FMIL, mother, FI & myself.   A lot of people don't think, misplace it, don't bother, don't care or loose it.  It sucks that you spend money on their invite and return card and they may not even see it for more than 1 second.  We had some get lost - they never rsvp'd because they never recieved it!!!

     
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    pansyshell    October 8, 2010   Central Pa, Wedding in Outer Banks, NC

    I would start calling people or have the MOB/MOG call them. That's the only way your going to know for sure!

    I have a few family members that even if they RSVP yes my mom is calling because they are known NOT to come even when they RSVP that they are.

     
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    Melissabegins    December 12, 2009  

    I did NOT start calling. I counted the missing RSVPs as no, unless I was sure they were coming and just forgot. Then I contacted them.

     
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    thebriz    May 2010   Brooklyn, NY

    I can relate; it was a nightmare.  I gave folks about 2-3 days, in case it was still in the mail.  Then I just send one email saying if you don't get a hold of us, then we regret you won't be celebrating with us.  That worked for some; for others, I had to send individuals requests.  We finally got a hold of everyone; took about two weeks, so I was more than happy I set the rsvp deadline early to account for this.  Folks are just plain rude.

     
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    ribbons    June 12, 2010  

    Today is also my deadline and I'm missing six, so I will wait a few days in case people mailed them today and then will start calling.

     
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    Ella1978    June 19, 2010   Cleveland, Ohio

    We are giving them a week after and then calling.  We sent out 110 invites, and probably have 35 back.  Our deadline is Sunday.. ha!  Yesterday we got two!  TWO!  Oh well.  They have till Memorial day, then they are getting phone calls.

     
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    texasmeredith      

    As much as it stinks, you just have to suck it up and call people.  It the list is huge, divide it up and delegate to FI, MOB, MOG, and whoever else might be able to help.

     
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    msmonicka    June 19, 2010   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    I'm glad I'm not in this boat alone. I love the bee. So many hands to hold when you're in the same situation...ha ha!! Love ya ladies...thanks for the advice!!

     
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    Vonnegurl    June 12, 2010  

    I was in the same situation. Our deadline was this past Monday and we were missing almost 140 people's responses. We broke up the list, called, emailed, Facebooked, and tracked everyone down. At this point, the guests should feel embarrassed for not following through. I can't believe how many reply cards we never got back. Sigh. But if you get a few helpful people involved, you can knock this out in a day. 5 days after our RSVP deadline, we are only missing responses from 9 people and have been in contact with all of them and they know if they don't get back to us by this weekend, there won't be a meal reserved for them. Good luck!

     
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    MeghanV    May 2010   New York

    I started with a mass email to my friends and a similar one from FI to his friends.  I had my parents call anyone on their list who was still missing.  It didn't take long to get responses back, even if it was just via email or phone.  Some people had lost their invites/reply cards, others had just forgotten... in the end, you just have to let the lost postage and envelope go.

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    Hey MsMonica, going through the same thing here. Out of 215 invited guests, probably around 25 still have nto responded to the invitation OR our follow-up attempts to get an answer. It is so unimagineably rude, I am beyond myself. I'm really learning so much about human nature by having a big wedding!

    Honestly, I send you the prestamped RSVP card, I email you then call, at that point if no response you aren't getting food at my wedding if you decide to 'honor' me with your presence. I hate how people act so entitled after waiting as long as they can to see if something 'better' comes around.

     

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