Post # 1
So, I have to start by explaining that we are on a pretty tight budget, and can’t invite everyone we would like to. In fact, my dad and I are paying for the whole wedding. His family has not contributed anything even though they have plenty of money and my dad really doesn’t. My mom just passed away, so she can’t offer any support. At this point we are locked in at a maximum of 120 people. We have been together for six and a half years, so we have mostly common friends and know each others families. Those were all easy to add to the list.
The problem started when my fiance was irritated that in my family we invite first cousins. I am from an Irish and Native American background. We invite EVERYONE in the family. I am getting in trouble with my father for ONLY inviting up to first cousins. My mom passed away two years ago, so she isn’t here to suggest more on her side, but I am sure she would if she could ;-). My fiance, on the other hand, is cutting out most of his father’s family altogether. Instead, he is inviting the disgusting, low-life people on his softball team whom we don’t even hang out with. I am so frustrated. He keeps adding to the guest list WAY AFTER I have ordered the invitations and save-the-dates. I am beyond irritated. When I try to approach this with him, he gets defensive about the number of family I invited. I don’t really know how to handle this, but I am unwilling to not invite people we really love and care about for people who will drink too much, dress inappropriately, and swear a lot. In a way, I think he is doing it to mess with me. Besides that, his family will be very hurt when they realize that aunts and uncles were passed over, yet acquaintances were invited on his side.
Has anyone else had this issue? Do you have any advice on how to handle it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Firstly, his family should have offered to help if they expected people to come. They have nothing to do with the decision.
I wouldnt back down with your FI. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise where you invite 1 or 2 of them. Id also ask him why?
And everytime he says “well youre initing XY and Z from your family Id simply say “well, yes thats because my dad is paying”. Its the truth and its no eexcuse to invite people you dont even see.
Id also stress how inviting friends over family could ruin his relationship with his.
He’ll see sense … i hope
Post # 4
@leecy87: +1 You & your dad are paying, you two get final say on the guest list.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
If there is room for 120 guests total, can you pick 60 from your side, and he pick 60 from his side? When these issues come up and it’s a parent who wants to dictate who can and cannot come, yet they are not contributing financially, then it is ok to tell them to stuff it, but not the groom. It’s his wedding too and he deserves to celebrate with whoever he feels closest to, even if you do not like them.
Post # 6
I disagree that OP and her dad get to decide guest list, as if its nothing to do with her fi. Hes the groom!!
I think you should do a percentage of invites divided up between bride, groom, and families
If he doesnt care about inviting his family, thats his business. Doesnt mean he should forfeit the right to have guests altogether? But at the end of the day, this is a celebration for both of you, its not just your party
Post # 7
@Magpie118: may i ask why your groom isnt halping out with money for the wedding? Besides that…i say split the guest list at 60 guest each or because you dad is paying. .you dad should get maybe 10 choice guest and then you and your groom each get 55….take the mutual friends and divide them up between you and him (like you have 10 mutual friends…5 are used on your guest list and 5 are on his). Then he can do what he wants with the rest….
Post # 8
I would sit down with your FI and not get up until you have a guest list. That way, you can hash things out then and there will be no more surprises about last minute additions or unwanted guests.
Since you are footing the bill, I’m inclined to think that if there are a few people who need to be cut down then you should have a say, however, I don’t think you should pull the “I’m paying so I get the final say” card (not saying you are or would).
I’d say just sit down and figure it out together. That way you can each understand each other’s reasoning and feel better about the final list.