- 6 years ago
First post — longtime lurker. Hi!
This is hard to write.
I’m in a fantastic relationship and am head over heels in love. We just moved in together this summer after dating more than a year, and we plan on getting married next year. He’s currently ring shopping.
I know this because, well, we talk about it all the time, and because my twin sister, who I am very close with, let me know that I needed to decide on a stone asap.:)
I know my twin doesn’t love my FI like I do — there’s been some tension in the past year about my relationship with him. We used to live together before I moved in with him, we’re very close, and this is my first super serious relationship. (She’s also pretty anti-marriage generally and has never been in a serious relationship.) We’ve had some moments where we’ve tried to talk about why she doesn’t like him, but those conversations are so fraught with tension that I walk away still feeling confused about what the problem is. (Apparently once he didn’t say hello to her? It’s weird things like that.) My parents and the rest of my family love him, my friends love him (to my knowledge, anyway), and we were set up by a mutual friend I trust implicitly.
So, I thought now that some more time had passed and we no longer lived together and I’m clearly extremely happy, everything was fine. I thought our tension had cleared, and I had accepted that he was never going to be her favorite person, but it was fine.
And then! This weekend, our friend accidentally let it slip that my FI had emailed my twin about my ring. We laughed but because I know her password, I had a weak moment and logged into her email to see if I could find the email. (Lesson: don’t ever hack into anyone’s account, because you will find things you do not want to find.)
I couldn’t. But what I did find were lots of chats she’s been having with our mutual friends about how she hates my FI, how it sucks that I bring him places (like our joint birthday dinner with our family — heaven forbid I bring my boyfriend to a family dinner!), how “no one likes him”, etc. And the friends she’s saying this stuff to are responding with things like “she’s obviously in love with him, she has to make her own mistakes, etc.”
I am…flabbergasted. I just don’t understand what the problem is. And now, how do I have a conversation with her about this when I essentially hacked into her email??
The other problem is that now I’m worried that I’m so in love that I’m not seeing something huge that she is seeing. I mean, I don’t think I am. But still. I never imagined I’d be in a relationship — one that makes me so incredibly happy — with someone my twin sister doesn’t like.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Did you have friends or family members who didn’t like your SO? How did you deal with it?