(Closed) What do you do with two ideas of wedding sizes?- Family Issues

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
46253 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your Fiance is acting like a petulant child. Because he is feeling hurt by a lack of family relationships, he wants you to feel the same way.

If he expects you to stand by him, he has an equal obligation to stand by you.

The people who attend weddings are there to support the couple, not just the bride or the groom.

If you can’t come to some sort of compromise on this issue, I suggest that you give pre-marital counselling a try.

Post # 4
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I totally agree with @julies1949:

FWIW-My parents treated my husband like their own, until their dying days. 

Post # 7
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

do not give in to his plea bee! you deserve and your family deserves to share that day with you both! This is more than you two joining forces, you are connecting familes as well, he should totally embrace how much love and support he has in his “new” family with you and not build a wall between yours and his… you really need to take this seriously

Post # 8
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Although I don’t feel like you should leave out family members you want to be there, I can understand where he is coming from.  I would be upset if my wedding was going to be comprised of 90% of his family and only a handful of people on “my side.”  Also I agree that I don’t feel like FI’s family is as much “my family” as well . . my actual family.  So that doesn’t help.  

Is his issue with the proportion of his friends and family and yours or the total size of the wedding?  If it’s a proportion issue perhaps inviting more of his friends would help him feel better?

Post # 9
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Dh comes from a small family and I come from 7.  Sine we agreed on 25 Ppl each,my guest list couldn’t include my friends.  He included a # of his friends.  Yes I wasn’t happy when his friends didn’t show but since I had our wedding dinner @ a restaurant, we were able to subsitute.

Post # 10
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’re in a watered-down version of this situation.  I have a bigger family, and we’re very close.  We keep regular contact with our extended family, and we also have a network of extremely close family friends who have been like family my entire life.  FI has a small, disconnected family.  He won’t be inviting some of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins because of family drama.  He probably won’t even be inviting his own brother because they have trouble being in the same room.  

I told Fiance that it was important to me that the people who have loved and supported me my whole life are there, and he understands.  As much as he’d like to keep the guest list very small and balanced, it’s more important to him that I get to be surrounded by the people who matter to me.  You should tell your Fiance why you want the people you want there to be there, and he should understand.  If he doesn’t, then that’s a big problem.  You can count all your mutual friends as his guests, and try to cut out the people on your list who you wouldn’t miss too much, but in the end there isn’t some magic solution that will make his family bigger/closer or your family smaller.  If he can’t understand why you want the people you’re close to there, I’m going to have to agree with julies1949 and suggest premarital counseling.

Good luck!

Post # 12
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow.  I am your Fiance in this situation–I have maybe 12 people on my “side” and he has more than I feel like counting right now but probably around 60 just for family.  What we’re doing is taking the number of his family and doubling it–friends and my family will fill in the spaces and we’re planning on about 130 people.  I’m not embarrassed about the lack of people from my family, after the wedding, they will all be our family together.  Plus, my family isn’t all that great as a whole so I am happy they are not there.  I wouldn’t dream of making Fiance limit his family invites to match mine.

Really, unless he realizes how unreasonable he is being, you guys need premarital counseling, stat.  Don’t cave and don’t marry him without it.

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