(Closed) What do you expect of your bridal party?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What did/do you expect from your bridesmaids?
    Help with decorations, dress shopping, throwing showers, answering my calls, meetings, and anything : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Be there when I need it but I'll handle almost everything : (60 votes)
    55 %
    Just show up and don't complain : (41 votes)
    37 %
    Other (Explain) : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’ve got a small group – just a maid of honour & one bridesmaid – and reading about some of the drama on here I’m glad it’s just the three of us!  They can be involved as much or as little as they want to be but have been absolutely fabulous so far, each came on one dress shopping expedition with me and they’ve been wonderful sounding boards for ideas (although with 10 months to go, I’m trying not to saturate ourselves in wedding talk).

     

    What means so much to me is they’ve actually made an effort to get to know each other as they’ve never meet and probably won’t before October!  Facebook is awesome for that.  I actually can’t wait to get them together because they are so similar I just *know* they’re going to hit it off really well.  Without going too much into specifics we’ve all had issues with mental health, our weight (I met both on weight loss journeys) and none of the three of us drink socially, by choice (if you’re a non-drinker you realise how important it is to be friends with other non-drinkers!).  They are also both quite religious in their own ways and whilst I’m not, I certainly respect their beliefs.  In many ways I find it quite amusing that I’ve ended up close friends with two very similar people in two different countries! lol.

    ETA: I think simply because we are a small group they’re more likely to be more involved.  I can imagine the bigger the group of bridesmaids, the further from the action they’d probably be.  Because they are my two closest friends (and I don’t have any sisters) and not anyone I’ve been obligated to include, they’re almost as excited about this wedding as I am! lol.

    Oh, and you mentioned interactions between them?  Well they started the “lets look for a dress” conversation on Facebook before I even noticed they were having it!  Which I think just says it all 🙂  I’m so lucky to have them!

    Post # 4
    Member
    447 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    -What did you expect from your bridesmaids?

     Help me if I really need it, but mostly just to show up the morning of ready to go.

    -What jobs did you give them?

    None. My MOH has two weddings within a 1 month radius of mine that she is in the BP, so I didn’t expect much from her because she’s so busy. She is planning a local, low-key bachelorette party, but I didn’t ask or expect her to.

    -How did you help them interact?

    They knew each other previously, but weren’t the closest. A dinner a couple months ago to talk wedding stuff. Facebook has been their only source of communication. 

    -Tips/Thoughts? 

    Be clear with what you want, but don’t expect too much from them. Your BMs are your friends, not your employees. They are there to be supportive, not to be put to work throughout the entire process.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee

    Everything. I expect her to plan my wedding for me while I sit back and drink… Kidding.

    I only have one, my little sister, so obviously it’s much different from your situation, but I really just want her input on things. I’m a pretty horrible decision maker, so having someone to say, “Yes, that looks fine!” is more help than I think anyone realizes. I would also really like a bridal shower.

    If I had more than one BP member, and they weren’t 16, I would probably expect a little more, but nothing crazy. And it would be more of a want than actually expecting it. 

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    7568 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It really depends on who it was. I just asked that my bridesmaids show up. I asked my MOH to help me with a few things here and there but my DH and I planned almost everything. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think I said this to my ladies but I can’t remember – the only three things I expect them to show up at are: my hen party, the wedding rehearsal and the wedding itself. I also want them to find their own make up, shoes, jewellery. Apart from that…I haven’t been too bothered. If they’ve wanted to help with something then I’ve said fine, but I haven’t forced anyone. Mainly because I have 4 bridesmaids, 3 of whom live a long way from me and the other is busy with a teaching degree, I understand they have lives of their own. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have four and I think that I pretty much just want them to help pick their dress and then organise the hens night. I know one of them is pretty eager to help me with anything I want but I think it would be best to just figure out everything myself and then ask them for help IF I really need it. Hopefully that will mean less drama and less snarky remarks about my decisions. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Tallulah_: I voted for them to just show up.

    please don’t have meetings. Getting 10 people together for a meeting will be challenging at best. Plus, it’s annoying. If you need help with something I would send an email saying ‘I am assembling my favors on Sunday and would love some help! If anyone can spare an hour or 2 I will supply the wine & snacks.’ don’t be demanding or pushy. That’s the best way to get people to do something without grumbling about you being a bridezilla. That said, be prepared to do things on your own or with FI or mom. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Tallulah_:  I’d like for my bridesmaids to throw me a shower and  a bachelorette party, but they don’t have to. I want my bridesmaids to be involved as much as they want to be. I’m determined not to be one of those bridezillas who demands her bridesmaids act like her wedding planners and throws bratty tantrums when they don’t want to talk about her wedding 24/7. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9551 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    All I expect is to wear the dress and be there on the day, I do not expect them to pay for anything, I am happy to plan a bachelorette myself, do not need a bridal shower. It would be nice if they came with me once to look at wedding dresses, but I do not require it. I also would like their input on the bridesmaid dresses, as they are the ones wearing them. Other than that, I don’t expect anything. I only have one MOH (my sister) and one BM (friend from university). I certainly don’t expect them to help me with any wedding details or projects, that’s my and FI’s job.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8975 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    They just need to show up. That’s it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    -What did you expect from your bridesmaids?

    I expected them to show up and not give me too much trouble, buy their dresses, and hopefully throw the bachelorette party (I don’t really think you can EXPECT someone to throw you a party… I waited for them to offer).

    My photographer was from a different city, and I expected to stay with my bridesmaid who lives in that city when I got my bridal portraits done. Not unreasonable since I’ve been staying with her and/or her former roommate (my MOH) every time I visit that city for the past eight years. Actually, incorrect, twice I have stayed elsewhere, and both times she was pretty annoyed by it, lol.

     

    -What jobs did you give them?

    Things they had to do:

    Measuring themselves and ordering their bridesmaids dresses.

    My MOH had to hold my bouquet during the ceremony and another bridesmaid had to hold my husband’s wedding ring and hand it to me at the appropriate time.

    Things they had an option about:

    They said they were planning a surprise bachelorette party, but no action really seemed to be happening on that front (well, my MOH came up with a horribly embarrassing idea that I had to nix in the biggest drama of my wedding), so finally I just gave them a date when I was available and then suddenly it all came together. I think they were confused about trying to make it a surprise but also make sure I was available to go to the surprise, haha.

    My bridesmaid who lived in the same city as my photographer was asked if she’d like to accompany me to my bridal portraits.

     

    -How did you help them interact?

    Eh, they mostly already knew each other, so no helping was needed. The day before the wedding we had lunch together and all got mani/pedis, then went to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, then back to my house for a little party with them and any friends from out of town who were here for the wedding.

     

    -Tips/Thoughts? 

    Don’t have unreasonable expectations. Let people determine their own level of involvement. FOR GOD’S SAKE, ask them their budget and stick to it! Make sure everyone is having fun and is comfortable. Get them nice thank-you presents. Thank them verbally, profusely, every time they do anything outside regular friend activities. Remember to keep up your regular friendship in addition to wedding stuff – they still have lives unrelated to your wedding, so don’t forget to ask about them.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Is there anyone else that kind of feels the “just show up” attitude is a bit sad?  Like, why bother having bridesmaids if you’re not going to involve them, to some extent, in your planning & preparation?  I think that’s part of the fun for me, having my closest friends help me plot and plan!  And I can assure you, they’re not doing it because I’m making them, they’re doing it because they really do want to.  As soon as I asked my closest friend to be my MoH she was on the phone talking about wedding magazines she has and full of ideas.  My other bridesmaid is sharing the wealth of experience she gained planning her own wedding in November, regardless of how different our styles are.  It’s been a great bonding exercise and a special time I’ll treasure forever.

    I do understand the “you get a day not a year” mentality but as long as you’re not strongarming your girls into something they’re not happy with, I think it’s nice to have them more involved!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1500 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Order their bridesmaid dresses, wear nice shoes, and show up.

    My BMs are all very busy and flying in from OOT. I’m just happy to have them be at my wedding.

    Post # 16
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I expect her to plan the wedding with me together,and definitely i will be glad with any good thoughts….

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