Post # 1
In the past and with your current partner/fiance/spouse?
Even though relationships can be so different, I feel as though we all have patterns.
For me, it is control. I have a hard time giving someone else control. I micro manage second by second. In the past I tended to plow over my partners because of this.
Something special about my fiance was that he challenged me by taking the reigns himself at times.
Just thought this could be an interesting thread
Post # 3
For me, I think it is that we’re each others best friend. And that is usually a good thing in relationships, but I think it’s starting to become a down fall somehow. We recently moved back to Los Angeles so we have had to rely on each other more than when we were in college. we both moved for grad school and even though she’s from LA, her friends that she had from high school are clearly not the same after 4-5 years of college, so they’re not really “friends” but really acquaintances. Also, her best friend is from NorCal, and stayed there for a job, so she rarely gets to see her. For me, I am completely starting over, all my friends were from Northern California and now I rarely get to see them, except when they come to LA but then it depends on scheduling and everything. With this, we both have been spending a lot of time together and it’s great, but we have been bickering over stupid stuff WAY more than when we had more friend interactions.
We also live with her parents, which I HATE but reluctantly agreed when I saw the savings that I would have rather than finding our own apartment. As a 23 year old guy, I decided that living with her parents wasn’t that bad so I can focus on grad school and not working (Which is turning out great-got a 3.6 my first quarter). But as soon as we find jobs, we are OUT OF HERE. I haven’t lived with a parental figure for 5 years, so immediately moving in with her parents was a culture shock that has left me really moody. Hence the bickering, I’ve been really upset with the living situation and haven’t found an outlet besides snapping at her (i know, i’ll get it under control) I also have a lot of stuff that is smushed in their garage right now because her childhood room is very small.Her mother also has a hoarding problem, it’s all organized, but I call it a hoarding problem because the stuff that people normally don’t collect (shampoo bottles from hotels for example,) are just too much in my opinion. Also, I find her mother a little selfish in my opinion. For example, we go on trips sometimes, our most recent trip was Laughlin NV, it was the last day of the trip, we all wanted to go home, but her mom decided that she wanted to see something that was 30 mins in the opposite direction of home and after we told her that we were all tired and wanted to make the drive home, she insisted beyond the group rule. But at the same time, she is allowing me to live in her home rent-free. So it varies!
Super long post, but it felt good to let it all out!
Post # 4
Pride. It could all just be over with a hug and a sweet kiss but NOOOO. Haha. It always ends up in hugging on the couch having an open heart conversation, but just after I’ve wasted an hour in being a child. Working on it.
Post # 5
@freshflowers: I’m kind of the same as you. I’m a very independent person and allowing someone else have any sort of control over me/situations tends to freak me out a little. I’ve actually broken up with previous boyfriends for similar reasons, not that they were ever awful. It’s something that I’m trying to work on, but it’s tough lol. My SO is very understanding though which I’m so thankful for.
Post # 6
I play the blame game. At work I’m a responsible and accountable adult. At home, I nag and things are somehow always his fault. I’m aware of it and desperately want to change, but it seems like I’m taken over by a bitch monster and it just sort of comes out.
Post # 7
I struggle with rigid boundaries and intimacy avoidance. I am afraid to let my husband in completely, mostly because of my past and also some of his actions.
My boundaries are rigid because I have had men take advantage of me when I was vulnerable and naive. I need to learn to relax and let my husband enjoy playing with me.
Post # 8
I am too touchy-feely. haha! I am not good at giving my SO space at home. I always want to cuddle, etc.
Post # 9
@freshflowers: Interesting topic! I tend to withdraw when things get very stressful… I get very much inside my own head and don’t want to talk or be touched or anything… It’s like my emotions shut down when at risk of getting hurt and I turn into a paralyzed version of me…
Post # 10
for me it’s the whole “touchy-freely” things as well, I suffocate at him at times, I just love being under him & for him it’s communication. He would rather just forget about it & let it go, and I prefer to talk things out.
Post # 11
@tarviamariee: I should have included this in the first post, but similar to you i like to talk things out and he likes to let it go.
I tend to want to over-talk things as a matter of fact… and it often times makes things that were not a big deal, a big deal
Post # 12
i get insecure sometimes and become very needy. he handles it well but i’m working on it. this definitely comes and goes with my monthly cycle/hormones.
Post # 13
@freshflowers: In a previous relationship I struggled with him going out, like into town, in the end it was just as in the end I learnt I couldn’t trust him. I learnt then to trust my instinct when it comes to guys.
Post # 14
@freshflowers: same here! I have that problem & then I feel so bad when it’s over and done with
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@freshflowers: Honestly, the only problem we have is my sex drive. It used to be very high, then I started taking medicine that killed it. I stopped taking the medicine almost 2 years ago and my sex drive is sloooowwwwly creeping back. It’s not a huge problem, but it’s the only thing that’s been enough of a problem to actually have multiple conversations about it. It’s never threatened our relationship as far as breaking up goes, but it was a downer. However, it’s been coming back, and we’ve been slowly making improvements as time goes on. We’ve had sex 3 times in the past two days, which is great for us. :3
Looking back at that, it seems ridiculous to be excited about 3 times in 2 days, but I am, haha.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Independence, sex drive, and my lack of “mushiness” lol