Post # 1
Sooo… three of my bridal party work with me (2 bridesmaid and my matron of Honor). I hesistated asking one of the bridesmaids to be in the party when I first got engaged. After talking with my moh she convinced me that I should ask her. Well in saying, I did (she is a great person as a whole). It all started when we went to find bridesmaids outfits. She wanted a specific kind of dress that didn’t show her back. hmmmm…. most dresses now a days show part of your back or something. Anyways, we were lucky and found the dress the first time out (not including the numerous hours on the internet). And they are getting a shawl to cover their back. Now after watching David Tutera and his views, I kinda agree with him and think that they should all match to a certain point. My moh and I started looking for shoes. We thought we found a couple that looked cute and were not going to be a problem. Well…. when we showed them to her she came up with ohh… “I cant wear sandal type shoes, I have to have a strap in the back. I cant have too high of a heel cause my feet will start to hurt.” Excuse after excuse. We tried and tried and it seemed as though everything we picked was not good enough. Soo.. I decided, against what I truely want, to let them pick their own shoes as long as they were the same color.
OK so you think that would be the end of it, right? No… my moh later tells me that they were talking and “the bridesmaid” was saying she can’t wear necklaces because of a medical condition. Ok that is fine with me, but come to find out that they are talking amongst themselves and deciding that they would all (the 3 of them) just wear earrings and a bracelet. I’m thinking to myself… the dress is pretty but it needs more than earrings and a bracelet. Later when I am talking to her she says to the other bridesmaid who was asking what she was gonna wear, “I can’t wear necklaces they bug me”. In my opinion there is a BIG difference from medical condition and just not liking something around your neck.
Recently, I gave them all a letter detailing when they should order their dress and what is going to be happening the day before and of so that they can make arrangements. I included the salon where I am getting my hair styled and stated if they wanted to go to let me know so that I could reserve the salon for us. In conversation the other bridesmaid asked her how she was going to get her hair done and she stated, “she didn’t know” which is fine but then she asked her you are going right? And “the bridesmaid” states I don’t know cause whenever I do get my hair done I never like it and always end up taking it down.
Lately I have been feeling that I should have gone with my first intent of not asking her. Am I making a big deal out of nothing or is it everything that I want she has an excuse for?
Post # 3
Well it seems like you are trying to have some control while letting your bridesmaids have some as well. I also had this problem. I picked out one dress for my girls-my cousin had a problem with it but after hearing that I was pretty upset she eventually got the same dress. They are choosing their own shoes and I’m just requesting that they wear pearl necklaces. They also don’t have to get their hair, makeup, nails done. You just have to learn to pick your battles. I was really adamant about them wearing matching dresses but you won’t notice any of that other stuff…unless they just wake up and show up.
Don’t let the small stuff worry you. It’s you and your fiance’s day. If she’s having that much of an issue ask her if she would be more comfortable as a guest. Good luck!
Post # 4
I completely understand why this whole ordeal is stressing you out ~ you have put a lot of thought and effort into deciding what you want ~ and then the “questionable bm” is causing you more work (and I’m sure you already have plenty on your plate).
But when you look at the big picture, those little details aren’t going to matter. All eyes are going to be on the beautiful bride and most people won’t even notice that they don’t have the same shoes on.
I am definitely a person who puts a LOT of effort into fashion, style and all those little details that I am convinced people WILL notice (although my mom doesn’t think so). In the new The Knot magazine (summer 2010) they printed a quote that made me smile and I SWEAR I should have it tattooed on my hand or something, ” Remember that no one cares about your wedding as much as you do.”
Don’t sweat the small stuff and enjoy yourself. It is going to be the best day of your life and when you see your fiance at the end of the aisle you are not going to even notice those pesky MIA necklaces. 🙂
Post # 5
LOL sounds like all the usual bridesmaid issues to me. I have a BM who gets a skin reaction to certain fabrics and also has to wear nickel-free jewelry… easy to work around. I have another BM who doesn’t want to wear heels all night… fine too because I’m letting them all pick their own shoes as long as they’re silver. Those little things aren’t big deals by themselves, but they pile up.
In your case, I don’t know if that BM is trying to find an excuse for everything, or if she really does have legitimate issues. Let her worry about her hair herself, and if she’s fixing it last minute then that’s her own fault. You can be sure she’ll show up with her hair done somehow, so how it ends up getting done isn’t important. Lots of people have reasons not to show their back or other parts of their body, but IMO they should just suck it up if they’re a BM, because dressing up for a wedding invariably involves showing some skin, and you rarely come across a dress that suits every BM’s needs perfectly.
If this BM continutes to give excuses not to follow what you want to do, then first make sure there isn’t a really good reason behind it, and then put your foot down. She needs to understand that this is your wedding, not hers, and if she’s not there to support you, then she doesn’t need to be there.
Post # 6
I understand I have a bridemaid with the same attitude. I said knee lenght (below the knee or a little bit above the knee) and black… she points out this outfit that is an inch away from the twot. I have grandparents going and kids going I dont want clubbing feel to the wedding. you can look sexy but not slutty..
Before I said black I was thinking blue and she said I’m not wearing blue it going to be urgly which is somewhat of an insult being I’m wearing a pale blue dress which in over words I’m going to look ugly..
anytime I doing a bridal thing she said she’ll come but at the last moment not show up or be extremely late I’m at the end of my rope with her… I was thinking of saying to her you know you seem like you have too much on your hands at this moment and I dont know need another bridemaid but everyone has said I cant do that.. and well I know she would be piss at me for doing that… but I dont know what to do know, I’ve trying talking to her and i think its all good until the the next time and she does it all over again..
sorry I know I havent been helping you I just really needed to get it off my chest its nice to know that others are having same/similar problems