Post # 1
So I have a good friend that I’ve known for few years now. She went through a break-up two years ago with a guy she was dating for one year. It was her first serious relationship and she is still trying to get over him.
Few weeks ago, she told me that she will probably not come to my bridal shower or the wedding and wanted me to understand it since she’s still hurt by her former relationship that ended two years ago.
But I’m having hard time understanding this especially when she’s been the one that always told me how I’m one of her few close friends and how she’s thankful for our friendship..
What do you think?
Post # 3
People grieve in different ways, unfortunately. So while you and I might think that two years is a long time to get over a one year relationship, it clearly isn’t to her.
That being said, I would be super upset that she wouldn’t be coming, honestly. I’d be hurt beyond belief, since my friends are very near and dear to my heart and there really isn’t an excuse to miss a close friends wedding. Not going to lie, because I am so honest with my friends, I’d be tempted to tell her to “get over herself” but… she’s clearly still grieving so… I guess you’ll have to let her grieve in the best way she sees fit.
Post # 4
I’m confused by her reaction. She went through a bad breakup a while back and now that prevents her from being happy for anyone else’s relationships? That’s ridiculous. I’m sorry but the first thing that comes to mind is “get over yourself”. She’s clearly a bit self centered and doesn’t understand that a friendship involves more than emotional support when she needs it. A true friend would be happy that you found “the one” and that you two are getting married, even if things didn’t work out for her. Maybe it would even help her see that sometimes things do work out.
Post # 5
If that’s how she feels, she might not be the kind of friend you need. One of my friends is flying 4 hours to my wedding despite her difficult finances AND the fact that her fiance, who lives out of the country will be in HER town for that ONE weekend for a different wedding. So she’s leaving town when she could see him because she believes that it’s important to be at my wedding supporting me on the most important day of my life thus far. That’s an enormous sacrifice and I am incredibly lucky and grateful. But if your friend can’t put aside her feelings and be happy for you for one (maybe two) days–I’m not sure that’s a person you want in your life. I’m so sorry she’s behaving this way, and I’m sorry that she’s still hurting from her breakup. Good luck and lots of ((hugs))!
Post # 6
I think she is being selfish! She broke up with this guy TWO years ago. And because her relationship failed doesn’t mean she can’t be happy for you! If she is such a great friend, I think she would put her feelings aside and be there for you on your wedding day and events leading up to it.
Post # 7
gosh…that’s really a hard one
Yes…people do grieve in thier own ways…but at that same time, being a freind is about being selfless
I would be more understanding if it just happened….but still. My Bridesmaid or Best Man went thru a bad breakup about 3 motnhs before the wedding…and she was there because she was my freind.
I know we are all different adn all grieve in our own ways, but I think she is being incrediably selfish. I am not sure what to say to her but I think you shoudl talk to her :freind to freind. Tell her how much she means to you. Tell her that you are trying to be a good freind to her by trying to understand where she is coming from, but you really need to tell her how muich it hurts your feeling and how hard it is for you to understand. I think it is totally ok to tell her that you really need her to be a good freind and be there for you. You don’t have to tell her “don;’t be selfish”…but I think there are other ways to get that message across
Being a good friend is about giving…and sometimes when it isn’t easy or convienent. I think that she needs to put more effort towards being a good freind and think a bit more about you than just herself
Post # 8
She might feel sad about it still – that is her right – but to not come to your wedding because of it is being a very bad friend. One of my BMs was dumped a month before my wedding. Yes she was devastated. But there was no way she was missing my wedding – when she cried, she did it away from me.
I would say if this friend can not find it in herself to attend your wedding and put on a happy face for you, she isn’t much of a friend.
Post # 9
It’s been 2 years?
Sorry, girl’s gotta move ON with her life. Get a therapist or something, but don’t lose your friends AND lose your ex.
I’m sorry, it’s not like it just happened. I’d be really ticked and find it really selfish of her.
Post # 10
I would be really mad too! She needs to see a therapist if she is still so hurt after all this time. What can you do? I am sure she will regret it later. I guess I would say I was really going to miss her being there, and let me know if she reconsiders… uh!
Post # 11
I second the therapist idea. We all have break ups and there is no specific amount of time that means that your heart is repaired, but if she is unable to do normal things like attend weddings/showers two years later she has a bigger problem that she can handle by herself.
As her friend, I would sit down with her and gently point it out to her. Focus on how you love and support her, but there is definately something wrong and that she needs help.
Post # 12
Maybe you can get your point across by pointing out to her, that it’s been two years. And if by that point she still feels so strongly, that she can’t go to a close friend’s wedding, maybe she should seek out a counselor.
For the most part, I can’t blame you for being upset. But at the same time who are we to say her reasons are out of selfishness? Maybe she has depression? She also could be really jealous. That’s something that commonly happens. Maybe she feels like the lesser of two evils is to let you have a beautiful day without her, rather than show up with bad energy. And she might be thinking that with your new life, and all your happiness, that you really don’t need her there. Maybe she feels like she’ll be losing another person close to her. ???
Post # 13
I’m with ejs on this one. She’s GOT to move on. I know break-ups are hard, and I remember when my first serious Boyfriend or Best Friend of two years and I broke up. It was rough. But seriously, two years is long enough.
It sounds like this girl needs some therapy. And yes, I would be really hurt by this if I were you.
Post # 14
It’s been 2 years, she has to get help and move on. She isn’t being a friend at all by not attending your showers or wedding. It’s not like they broke up yesterday. My friend/BM and her boyfriend of 3.5 years just broke up this week and she would NEVER do something like this to me.
Post # 15
I agree, you should help her move on! Don’t focus on that though, let her know how important it is to you that she be there and that she should come to celebrate your day, not what could have been for hers.