Post # 1
Bluespurrs recent post about their wedding inspired me…
This is my second wedding. I had the whole fairy-tale the 1st time, just the wrong guy. That was 10 years and 2 kids ago. This time I’ve found my soulmate. He’s a newbie, so again we’re having a big wedding (we both have huge families). This time I’m doing exactly what I want. I wearing a veil, I’m registering, I’m being HAPPY (who knew!) I’m proud of the stepfather my children are getting, but I’m slightly concerned (maybe more curious?) about what some people will say about us going all out…
I want to know what you think is appropriate for encores and what is not? (Please tell me why too)
I’m asking because we all judge others a little and well…I’m just sayin…
Post # 3
A wedding is a wedding, regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, first timers, encores, whomever; its your wedding & you should do 100% excatly what you want to do!
The only thing I judge at wedding is the decor ( I can’t help it, I’m very opinionated about decor) BUT I will keep my judgements to myself, LOL! 🙂
Post # 4
I think ANYTHING goes for encores. I think the stigma associated with second marriages is gone. I’m sure there are some out there who subscribe to those beliefs, but none of them are coming to my wedding!
Honestly, if anyone does have the balls to say something to you about your big wedding, I’d just say “Wow, thanks for your input” and leave it at that.
Post # 5
Anything at all is appropriate, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s not the 1800’s! Wear the fluffy dress and veil, and invite 300 people if you want to!
Post # 6
Personally, I think it is fine for you to throw yourselves a lovely wedding, to wear white and a veil if you like, and to register. If you (or any first time brides) have children, I would hope that the wedding you have is affordable for your individual financial situation, since it makes me sad when parents go into debt for a wedding if they are struggling to pay their rent or haven’t saved for their children’s college tuition.
The major difference for me between an encore bride and a first time bride is that an encore bride should have less of an expectation for her friends/family to incur financial obligations for your wedding. That means that there should be no pressure on your bridesmaids to host a bridal shower (if they genuinely want to, that’s fine, but no presssure). I’m not crazy when first time brides pressure their bridesmaids into hosting bridal showers, but I can live with it if that is the norm in your peer group. Similarly, if your parents paid for your first wedding and they are unwilling to contribute to a second, you should accept their decision gracefully.
Post # 7
I say if you want to have a big wedding have a big wedding. It is your wedding and his wedding. A wedding isn’t about the big fancy stuff it is about two people in love showing their family and friends that they are in love and committed to each other. If someone says that you shouldn’t have a big wedding the second time around then that is their opinion just like you wanting what you want is yours. Go for it girl!
Post # 8
hey, if you want to have a wedding, so be it! don’t worry about what anyone says. we should celebrate life everyday!
Post # 9
I disagree with ProfessorBee. I am very dissapointed that my family is not interested in my wedding. I know I am having a destination wedding but I believe their disinterest is more because it’s my 2nd marriage…so because I made a stupid mistake 5 years ago my family won’t be supportive? My parents are wonderful but out of the 40 people attending our destination wedding, only 10 are my guests. It’s too bad. I think you should have the right to do your wedding the way you want. This is my grooms first time too and I wouldn’t rob him of his dream wedding just because of my past.
Post # 10
This is why I LOVE Weddingbee! Thank you for being honest without being snarky. I should add that FI and I are paying for our wedding 100% and we set a date 18 months out so that we could save for and afford it. (I think my parents will end up helping a bit and his family will as well, but we are not counting on it)
We live seperately b/c we do not feel it is appropriate for him to move in before we are married. I have a 7year old daughter and an 8 year old son ~ those responsibilities have not changed b/c we’re planning a wedding.
I do think that some of the “old school” crowd will have an issue or two with our choices, but honestly, I don’t care. I’ll use the “thanks for your input” line and be done.
I love what AnnieAAA said and I agree 100% (I’ll be judging that stuff too!)
@WDWBride – I feel for you. I really do. (((HUGS))) just do what makes your heart happy. i’m sorry you aren’t getting the support you deserve.
Post # 11
Glad I could provide for some inspiration. Go for it! If you think tongues will wag for a second wedding, try a third wedding at the no-so-tender age of 50! Oh I know some were mumbling but since I paid for everything myself, I ignored them and had the best wedding of my life! Oh I didn’t wear the white dress and veil but that’s because I felt silly in them. Instead I wore a Victorian tea hat, a champagne colored Nataya dress and ivory lace wedding boots! Had a great time and still basking in the glow…
Post # 12
I think it’s great that you are going all out and having the wedding that you want!!!
The only thing that I might have issue with is the registry (ie: if I bought you something for your first wedding, not wanting to buy something for the 2nd). As I type this, it’s COMPLETELY illogical – but, nonetheless, it was my gut reaction.
I think you have a bit more leeway, because it is his first wedding.
I think people tend to get uptight because they feel like there is a societal expectation of what THEY are supposed to do for a wedding and once they do it once, they aren’t obligated to do so. It really has nothing to do with the actual celebration of a marriage, if you really think about it.
I hope you find this to be a joyous time for you and your extended family and friends. Happy Planning!!
Post # 13
im one of those people that does initally sit back and think “what the” when it comes to an encore bride (not that ive been to many-there are no divorces on both sides of our families), but then i say oh well, the bride may have hated my wedding so who am i to judge – more power to them i say.
@Querida, im glad you have found your soulmate and are providing a wonderful & happy future & home for your children – all the best!
Post # 14
go for the all out wedding!! when my mom married my stepdad she had an intimate ceremony with just a few of us at a chapel and then when she went home she had a HUGE reception at their new home. when she married my dad they just went to the courthouse, so i was very happy for her that she got to wear the huge white dress veil etc. and the fact that my stepdad was so tearful that he barely made it through the vows said that he was happy too!
Post # 15
a wedding is a wedding is a wedding to me. you (and all encores) deserve absolutely everything you want inlclucing a shower, registry etc etc that any first time bride would have.
Post # 16
My encore dress is the one I wore in my last wedding, but with a major overhaul! Reduce, reuse, recycle! This time, I’m wearing the bejesus out of it that day, dirt be damned. It’s never getting worn again!