Post # 1
A month to go till our wedding and we just moved in together for a fresh start. It’s been great and loving but man I get soooo annoyed sometimes or at least once a day. I guess it’s no big deal because I’m usually easily annoyed.
Anyways, I generally dislike it when males had a few drinks and are tipsy when I’m completely sober. I don’t even drink much.
So FI comes home late but not so late after having a few drinks. I’m watching TV after another annoying day at work and getting my hair colored. I have already cooked some quick meal for myself and him because I knew he would want to eat. I don’t normally think to cook for someone who has drinking arrangement. He eats the food but still hungry. He wants to me fix more food. I get super annoyed and make this face and acts like a grump, but still makes quick food. Whatever. I’m thinking I shouldn’t have to. Then we argue because he is upset that I’m making a big deal out of simply fixing a loved one food. He says he just wanted me to cook food for him because it’d feel loving. or whatever.
“I” think, he is an adult and he can fix himself whatever he wants. Especially, I don’t think anyone should be expected to make MORE food after he/she has made some already for someone who had been out drinking. I certainly don’t expect it. If I wanted to eat I’d buy a sandwich or something.
What do you think?
Post # 3
It sounds like he’s the typical male: love him through his stomach – kind of guy…. which is probably why he got so cranky about it. I totally hear what you are saying though – and you don’t want to feel like you are his slave. 😉 and it would be nice for him to figure it out himself vs. expect you to do it for him….
Would it have felt different to you if he was working late vs. out having fun/drinking?
Post # 4
@gramgeek: I think it is not about the food at all but a total lapse of communication and communicating your expectations to one another. I have lived with my DH for 2 years now, and we are still figuring things out, so it is a constant revolving door of communication, communication and more communication.
It sounds like you were more annoyed by the drinks than the food thing, so if THAT is what is bothering you, the food making is a non issue. You already admitted to being easily annoyed, which really won’t bode well for living together ( I mean, people do it all the time, but if you learned to be more easy going that it would make a better living situation for the both of you).
My advice: address the real issues such as : what you ” expect” from each other as mates, what your feelings are on the boys early drinking out and what needs to be communicated beforehand to avoid ” annoying” run ins.
Oh and I would make him a plate of food, but that is just me.
Post # 5
@gramgeek: I’d tell him to go swivel.
Post # 6
Would you feel this way if he requested more food if he were sober?
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
If you don’t want to then don’t make him more food, but I think this is an issue of you two needing to figure out what you want to do for each other to show affection
Post # 8
@oracle: yes thanks. I said I’m not your servant! meh meh meh! I admit that I can be mean sometimes… and yes it would be totally different if it was working late. I would be sweeter then. Am I being difficult?
@Mrs_Amanda: thank you for your advice. You are a sweet wife for being able to make your husband a plate. Would you say I overreacted?
I do not have issues with drinking per se but to expect food cooked after out having fun is what annoys me.
Post # 9
I agree that there seems to be a bigger communication issue here rather than just making the food. But, if that is the only issue, then I would have laughed at him if he asked me to make him more food after I already cooked something. He’s a grown man and fully capable of cooking himself something. Unless he was so drunk to the point that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him using the stove/oven then I would make something for him and talk to him about it (especially the drinking) the next day.
Post # 10
@gramgeek: I don’t think you overreacted, I think it is just a learning curve when you move in together to see what makes each other tick. My DH really, really appreciates ” acts of service” if we are talking love languages here. I am more of a do it yourself type of person ( sounds like you are, too). So, once I figured out that it means more to him if I make him a plate of food, iron his shirt, drop off the Redbox than it does if I tell him how handsome he is or if we cuddle enough on the couch… it made living together easier. He figured out what makes me tick, but it took time and a few fights to see how to work around some issues– which is normal.
Post # 11
@6598731ssfse3: That’s a fantastic point.
If he was sober and wanting more food after I’d already cooked him something, I’d probably be okay with it (knowing he just wants some more food-love). But if he’d been out for a few drinks, and demanded more, I would simply raise an eyebrow and walk out of the room. He’s just taking the piss, and pushing your buttons because he’s tipsy, and he thinks he’ll get away with it.
Post # 12
@Mrs_Amanda: You are right! I know this love language stuff in the back of my head but it’s pretty hard to put it into practice. Thanks.
Post # 13
@gramgeek: It sounds to me like you’re REALLY annoyed that he went out for drinks.
Post # 14
I may not be the opinion you’re looking for, because I love to cook and I’ll seize any opportunity to do so. I had to pick up my husband late at work last night and we got home about 2 AM. He said he was hungry and I jumped on the chance to cook.
CAN he make his own damn food? Yeah, he can.
CAN I make it better? Definitely.
I don’t blame my husband for wanting a good meal in his belly. I love cooking, and I’m good at it.
Maybe you’re just a better cook than him and he enjoys it. I doubt he’s trying to force you into submission or make you take up some sort of stereotypical wife role, but sometimes men just want to be cooked for (Hell, I do too, but I’d rather not eat my husband’s cooking… he can manage box mac and cheese… barely.)
Post # 15
Actually, he does this “still hungry” almost everytime he eats at home, and everytime, I’m thinking “…ah, why?”. And I’d say most of the time (when he’s sober) he fixes himself something more to eat.
Post # 16
@Mars62312: No no, I have no issue with people drinking and having fun by iteself.