What do you think happens when you shut up?

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

@MariaW:  I have asked a similar question, I asked engaged bees that were formerly waiting to post whether it worked or not!! 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/former-waiting-bees-did-the-shut-it-pact-work

I tend to think if the guy is going to propose but you bugging him has put him off, it works. There is part of me that thinks, if he is stalling or not sure, the silence is just a welcome reprieve and opportunity to stall in peace!

i have not had any success in shutting it up, but I look forward to replies from others.

Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

I guess it depends on your SO and where they’re at. I’ve shut it up for the past 3 weeks, I know my man already has the ring, and in this time he’s talked about engagement and wedding-related stuff more than I think he’s ever done in our entire relationship! I suspect he’ll be proposing this month which may be why he’s bringing it up on his own much more often.

Having said that, I’m actually a little worried that by me shutting it up I’m causing him some concern and confusion. I used to waffle on about weddings on the regular before I joined the shut-it-up pact and he’d hardly say a word, but he obviously knew I wanted to get engaged because of how often I brought it up. But now that I’m keeping quiet he’s asking a lot of questions, e.g. are you sure you’d take my name, would you really say yes if I asked, etc., and I think it’s because I’ve not said a word about marriage for a while. I think it’s making him wonder if I really want it anymore, and whether I’d even accept his proposal if he asked me.

So I think it could be a catch 22 for some couples and it really depends on where you’re at in the relationship.

Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, I broke the shut-it-up pact today and told my SO about it when we were looking at rings together, and he said he hadn’t even noticed that i hadn’t mentioned marriage in 2 weeks. Gahhh! All that work to shut my yap and for what? A laugh and a “Oh I didn’t even notice, haha.” oh well.

Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

@Omgbunnies:  Ohh that’s equally funny and upsetting at the same time. But the outcome was a good one with it ending in ring shopping. Yay!

Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I broke the pact even though I was mostly not trying to mention anything because I mistakenly found out he ordered the ring. He told me “If you keep prying, I will keep waiting..” and although it was teasing, made me think I really was just nagging him lol

Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’m attempting to follow the pact. I messed up yesterday by watching Four Weddings, but I don’t think he noticed it was on tv. So far though, he’s been bringing up “our future wedding”, telling me he has to get my “shiny” by next year, and asking me if I’m really ok with him wearing a kilt on our big day. So it seems to be working so far. I think he’s just happy to be able to plan in peace now.

Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

@MissLibra:  Ah well there’s always next week. But on a positive note… he’s ordered the ring! Woohoo!

@Tarheelgurl:  If all you did was watch Four Weddings I think you’re still safe. Disqualification only comes if you watch it and then proceed to discuss anything engagement or wedding related with your SO.

Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think not talking about getting engaged etc is the problem – the problem is when you get drunk or have a bad day, SO comes home, and you blast him with WHEN ARE WE GETTING ENGAGED IVEWAITEDLONGENOUGHYOUEVILBASTARD!!! And he’s likeSurprised

 

It’s so funny how successful grown-ass women carry on like that – I know, I did it myself a few times!  Laughing I say make SURE he knows that you are waiting, and then shut up. If you think ‘It’s been 6 years so I’m sure he will propose, I’ll just wait’, then get ready to keep waiting!!

Member
6304 posts
Bee Keeper

We had no progress on the waiting front until I stopped shutting it up and playing it cool. We decided to look at rings after a pretty bad waiting meltdown–I didn’t need to know when, just if, and I felt like he wasn’t giving that to me.. But once I knew he had it, I shut it up. I wanted the proposal to be his thing, and to not feel pressured by me.

Member
7204 posts
Busy Beekeeper

First, you have to let him know what you want. Then, shut up! I think a lot of it is that the guy realizes you love him and don’t just want to get married. He can enjoy the relationship and not feel pressured all the time. I shut it up for a few months and it worked! Laughing

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