- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
Okay, I’m kind of at my wit’s end…but I want an outside perspective in case I’m contributing to this somehow. Basically, I feel completely unsupported by my BFF/MOH and on top of that I feel like she’s making everything harder.
This started early on when we went dress shopping. We met up in a city close to where she and my sister live. The first thing she did when she arrived is complain about how she was in a bad mood (not even hello). But then she called me a few days after and apologized. She kind of freaked out b/c she broke up with the guy she thought she’d marry (but over a year before). Anyway, everyone deals with emotions differently, and I definitely felt like her apology was sincere.
Fast forward, and we’re looking at BM dresses. One of my big criteria was that it not be too expensive. I picked color and fabric, and let them pick the dress they wanted. She got first dibs on the style b/c we looked together. The dress was under $150 which isn’t cheap, but far less expensive than any other dress I’ve ever had to wear as a BM. But she just complained about how all BM dresses suck.
My uncle (who I’m very close to and who actually was staying with my parents when I was born) passed away a few weeks ago. MOH knows him. But she never said a word (not even are you okay, I’m sorry, anything) to me about it. I’m almost past the stage where I randomly break down in tears about it, but it’s not been an easy time and it’s hard to feel unsupported.
Now my B’ette Party is this weekend. Planning it has been a nightmare, and I know at least part of it is my crazy schedule. I have repeatedly said it’s not necessary, but she insists that she wants to throw one. Anyway, we decided to do it in my hometown (not where I live now, though) which means that flights are cheaper and that we can stay with another BM. My sister and godmother are also having a brial tea thing for me beforehand. Well now MOH wants me to pick her up and drop her to airport. It’s about 50 mins each way. And as I said, I don’t live there so I don’t have my own car…and this is the only weekend for me to see parents etc before wedding. My mom and I actually have a lot to do…I bought a ticket that leaves pretty late so that I can do this stuff. Cabs are not cheap, though, $70 each way. But I was hoping she could share with the other friend flying in. She says this is still too expensive. I’m not sure what to say since this w/e is way cheaper than other B’ette ideas she put forward, and she earns more than me and FI combined. I don’t have a right to tell her how to spend her money, but we’ve been in a wedding together and this is way less expensive that was. And at any rate, I did put out there that if anyone was having difficulty they should let me know and I’ll try to help out. I guess I feel that I’m already asking the bare minimum (dress, show up, I even said she asked her to stay with me the nights before the wedding).
But right now I’m just getting a constant negative vibe about our wedding and it’s draining. I really feel like asking her not to stay with me during the wedding…I’m currently concerned that she will ask me to take responsibility for getting her places. I don’t know. Everytime I’ve been a BM (not even MOH), I’ve always asked what the bride needed and tried to alleviate any stress they may be feeling…whether that’s wandering the city to find shawls for the BM’s an hour before the RD or just making sure she is in calm happy place before the ceremony. I feel that in this situation I would rent a car and ask if I can help picking up/dropping off people and things. But instead I feel that she’s expressing how much of a burden this all is (not directly), and asking me to alleviate this for her. I don’t really believe in asking BM’s to step down…and she’s been my best, best friend for 14 years! I feel like I’m losing her at the most important time in my life, though. I’m just trying to understand what’s going on. And I’m having a hard time figuring out how to address it with her. I know that I’ve been a bit pre-occupied in the last few months, but I’ve tried really hard to continue to ask her about her life etc.
I just don’t know what could be going on for her or what to do about it…I guess part of it is that I don’t want yet more drama in my life (it’s been horrid for the last few weeks), but I’m not sure what else to do….