(Closed) What do you think my SO is up to???

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You should talk to him about it. You don’t have to pressure him, just ask him some questions about his plans and let him know your plans. Agreeing on a timeline is important. 

Post # 6
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Hope1985:  I totally understand not wanting to nag someone. I feel the same exact way. If my boyfriend wants to marry me then he’ll ask me to marry him. That being said, I don’t think it would be nagging if you brought up getting married in the context of the conversation you were having. I mean, if he brought up the future- buying a house, having kids, etc., marriage seems like a natural topic to bring up. If you start talking about that same plan again, I would probably bring up getting married, if for nothing else, for the sake of having some of your questions answered.

Post # 7
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If he brought up all this planning for the future, you should bring up the timeline of getting married, etc. And forget all this about “not pressuring him”, etc.!! Isn’t it a horrible pressure on yourself living with him without a commitment?? I’m so sick of hearing about how women should just shut up about it and suffer in silence.

I’d be very upset if I was left hanging like that for so long. And when I am upset, I do not hide it from my FI!

Post # 10
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Hope1985:  I completely understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend brings up the same type of stuff- having kids, owning a house, etc. without actually mentioning marriage. It’s frustrating and everytime it happens, I regret not mentioning it. Next time it comes up, though, I am set on bringing it up. I feel like if I keep holding it in, I’m going to start holding it against him and I don’t want to do that…

Post # 11
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@citysparkle:  It’s so weird, isn’t it? I actually talked to SO about that recently. It’s like he sees our future together (house, kids, etc) but can’t picture getting engaged or having a wedding. And he knows that I want to get married before having kids (he wants the traditional route as well). It’s just very bizarre…like he skips over that one key component.

Post # 12
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Hope1985:  It must be very annoying! Same thing for all the other bees commenting about how their their SO mention all those things (babies, houses, future) and skipping the engagement/wedding part. I get soooo frustrated sometimes with the way a lot of guys act (including my own SO). You and all the other bees talked about their desire to be engaged before getting all the rest, and the guys know it is one of the most important things for us (especially since we talked about it), but yet, they voluntarily skip it when they talk about the future. Are they trying to throw us off for a surprise? Are they just being incredibly annoying? Don’t they even realize what they are doing? I don’t know, but I just can’t believe how childish most guys act, how we have to wait and shut up on such important topics, how they just can’t have an adult conversation about that and then just get started on the process!!! 

Sorry for the vent, but I totally understand, I had my own issues with my SO about that. Fortunately, now we picked a date for our engagement (he wants to do a proposal, I just couldn’t wait thinking every day for months that it was today). So after a lot of special events and special dates on which I came out really disappointed, he finally admitted that it was terrible for me, so we picked a date together. But still, I mean we have the ring, he is ready, the date is soon, and a lot of my old university friends are visiting for the weekend and we are having dinner with them, and I can’t say anything, because it HAS to be on a certain date. By then, they’ll be back to their respective towns, and I’ll have to announe it through Facebook. My parents visited last weekend, and I just told them and showed my mom the ring! (I won’t see them for 3 months). 

Men and their ways are really hard to understand sometimes… I feel we girls are the ones waiting, and accommodating, and getting frustrated a lot of the time!

Good luck with all that, hope you get clear answers soon! I would definitely advise you to talk to him about it, even if he feels pressured, because come on, it is your life too! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If he brought this up, and he knows what you need, because you’ve had that plan in the past, and he, himself, has said he doesn’t want kids before being engaged, I think you should wait and see, at least for a while.  He might very well be ring shopping at this very minute.  Buying a ring is time consuming and complicated.

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