(Closed) what do you think of couples getting married young

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I’m 18, and my FI is 20. We have been together off and on since we were about 12! Lol…we moved in together when I was 16. We had a son together when I was 17 (not by choice…but a blessing). I think it all depends on the situation. I fully support it if they are really in love. My grandparents married when my grandmother was 14 and were married for 57 years before she passed away. If you love someone, you love someone. It erks me when people say it won’t last…they’re too young. But divorce rate is just as high for people who aren’t young. My father married my mom when he was 28, and has since married two other women and divorced them as well. I know that people tend to grow apart, but that doesn’t happen only if you’re young. For all the young brides out there, I totally support you! I always pictured myself being married and having a family young, and though I didn’t plan the child part, the marriage part would’ve happened either way. Thanks so much jwinnings for understanding and not criticizing! People can be harsh!

Post # 4
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I really think it depends on the situation. Im sure there are alot of couples who marry young and have a great marriage. Personally I dont usually think its the best idea, but everyone is allowed to live their lives as they wish. I just think a lot of time when youre young you rush into marriage and dont give yourself time to grow. I cant tell you how many couples both my FI and I went to highschool with and got married young and are already divorced( were only 25). I can think of 6 couples at the top of my head. I know thats not everyone just something my FI and I were discussing the other night.

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

To each their own.  I come from a pretty small town, and several of my friends were married around that age.  I will be 24 and FI will be 25 when we get married, and I think it is definitely the right age for us.  We will have been together for almost 6 years by our wedding.

Post # 6
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it depends on the couple too.  My husband and I were 21 when we got married but we have been together since junior/senior year in high school so 4+ years.  We were engaged for 3 years in order to make sure that we were out of school and ready.  On the other hand, I have a friend who got married when she was 20 to someone from the military.  They ended up being divorced before they even reached their first anniversary.

Post # 7
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it’s hard to make a generalization about age because it does depend on the couple.  In my case, I can’t imagine having been married at that age.  I am a very different person at 28 than I was when I was 21, and I think a lot of people are.  I also think that regardless of how long you’ve been with someone beforehand, a lot of people aren’t completely mature at that young of an age or really know who they are as a person and what they want in life. 

Post # 8
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it really depends on both the couple and the individuals.  I was not mature enough at that age to get married (I am 32 now) and just can’t imagine it.  I didn’t know myself, and I was not able to understand comprimise and committment and things like that.  Now I am.  But I have known people that got married young to their high school sweethearts, and it is working out great.  They were just more mature at that age, with respect to their relationships.  I really do think that a person needs to have a strong sense of themselves as individuals though, before they can be good spouses.  That didn’t happen for me until later.  I think that people who think 18-21 (or whatever) is too young think that because often people at that age still have a lot of personal growth to accomplish.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes they can do it together. Depends!

Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Generally speaking, I think they are a bad idea.  I would be disappointed if my kids got married young.  I know everyone is different, and I have two friends who got married at 19 and have happy marriages.  However, all the other young marriages I know of ended in divorce.

The problem is that this isn’t our grandparents or even our parents’ time.. people have such a delayed adolescence now, so I feel like an 18 yr old today is like a 12 year old in our grandparents’ days.  Most are still living at home, have not finished college, and have had very little independent life experience.

I know personally if I had married any of the guys I dated from the ages of 18-22 it would have been a disaster and I would be divorced now too.  I feel like having been independent for a while and having had some of my own life experiences I am so much more self-confident and prepared for a marriage than I would have been at that age…  

The other thing is that I had a lot of partying to get out of my system in my 20s, so that wouldn’t have worked out too well if I had been married! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

One other thing, (not to offend anyone) but most people who I know who have gotten married early (well, the women specifically) were always 100% about family.  College/education/career/traveling/living abroad were not a huge deal for them so they didn’t feel like they were giving up anything in their late teens early 20s by devoting themselves to family instead.

I did not feel this way.

Post # 11
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i think it just depends on the situation. i always wanted to get married young. my plan was to get married at 22, after i graduated college. then i decided on grad school, so i wanted to get married at 25, after i graduated grad school. then i broke up with my bf right after i graduated so that was that! i don’t think it makes a difference for me though, being older or younger. i think the only difference is that i’m now with the right guy.

Post # 12
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

I got married at 21, hubby was 23 (but his birthday was about 2 weeks after the wedding). I do get a little squirmy at the 18 year olds getting married though even though it’s probably unfair since I would have married my husband in a heartbeat at 18 as well. None of my family thought I was too young and believe me, there is no desire for partying in my system. It does depend on the couple I think, and probably the area. I know in NYC 21 is really young to be married (even 24), but back home, there were a handful of people married or engaged before I was and another handful currently planning their weddings.

Post # 13
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown

I understand that getting married is the right decision for some but it’s definitely not for me.  I only have my mom and dad’s experience to go on. They got married right out of college (they were 21 and 22) and it didn’t last. They still have a lot of growing up to do and discovering who they were outside of school. I’m glad I waited. But if it’s the right decision for you, go for it!

Post # 14
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There are a lot of great aspects to marrying young; the tricky part is knowing who you are and making the right choice the first time. People will make mistakes at any age, and people will make good decisions at any age.

For me, being 21 and meeting my SO (29) at this point in my life has been so timely and beautiful. I would have been miserable if I stayed with my ex-boyfriend. We were dating for 3 1/2 years but the relationship was 100% crap. My SO was in a six year relationship and got married at 26, but it hardly lasted a year because his ex wasn’t interested in making it work. MinMan and I have been together for a little over a year and we’re thrilled with each other. I’m happy, I feel like I understand and accept myself better than ever, and I have a helluva lot more maturity than plenty of older people I’ve seen in relationships. You just can’t predict when or how this sort of thing will happen.

That being said, I take everyone’s perspective on this with a grain of salt. Maturity, personality, and experience are three very different things. People will couch their opinions on young marriage by how they felt about themselves at a certain age, so the opinions are generally nebulous or narrow-minded.

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with hellox3.  I generally don’t like it.  Sure there are a lot of factors in predicting divorce, but this is one.  And while someone might not exactly be able to increase their income to lessen their chance of divorce, or feasibly go back to school to increase their level of education, just to lessen their chance of divorce, couples can more easily wait until they are a little older and more mature to get married.

I think it’s imporant to look at all the ways marriage gets attacked these days.  ANd doing your best to guard against divorce is smart. 

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Post # 16
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It works for some and not others. I think it really depends on maturity and life goals. I know people who married their high school sweethearts at 21 and who are still together at 35 and other who divorced.  It depends is the best answer.

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