What do you think of moving out until the wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

“it’s been a financial avalanche since February and getting back on top of things is getting to the impossible point if we stay here much longer”

I think the most important thing is to not get into a financial ditch before you get married – this seems like a good way to both accomplish that and appease your family. 

Will you still be close enough to see him often? It might even add to the charm of moving back in together once you’re married 😉

Post # 4
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ErinBlue:  It sounds like in your case, it might be the right thing to do.  If moving in with a family member will help you get back on your feet financially, you should take the help.  It might suck living apart for a few months (if the wedding date you’ve listed is accurate), but it will be worth it in the end if you’re not starting off your marriage literally struggling to make ends meet, worried about where your next meal will come from or if you can pay the rent for the month.  

I hope things start looking up for you regardless of what you decide to do.

Post # 5
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you guys need to find a better place to live with more job options regardless of timing with the wedding. I say find a new place to live together, now.

I would never compromise to make your family happy, either. It’s not the last time they will disagree with you and gang up on you if they are already that way….best to make and keep healthy boundaries now.

Post # 6
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If your fi is ok with it then I say do it.  It sounds like it would be better to start your life together with stronger finances.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ErinBlue:  I wouldn’t advocate this solution if you were doing it for family or because a priest told you as only you know what is best for your relationship. However, if you can’t afford to live on your own right now, then you can’t. My only concern is that after marriage, your money is pooled (whether in a joint account or not) and it sounds like your FI will still be stuck paying all the bills without you. That doesn’t seem especially fair to him, especially given you will be marrying him soon.

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@crayfish:  +1. As I said in my earlier post, sounds like FI will still be paying all the bills and rent, just without the benefit of OP’s support. Your suggestion of finding a new place together with better job prospects is essentially what I was getting at, just not able to word properly, lol.

Post # 9
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ErinBlue:  It does sound, as others have said, like in your case moving to live with your respective relatives would be a good idea. Without a car, it is almost impossible to do anything– including have a job– in the country, so if moving out enables you to get cars and find jobs, then that is the thing to do. It would suck to start married life severely in debt and have to pay for a wedding on credit cards.

But, are you going to make an effort to both find jobs that are located such that you will be able to live together after the wedding? I’d be worried about that, if where your respective relatives live is somewhat far apart (like more than an hour).

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

Congrats on the job!!

Post # 12
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ErinBlue:  Yayyyyy! Congratulations on getting the job! And I’m glad you don’t have to move away from each other. Sticking together through the hard times is always better in the long run.

What is your new job?

Post # 14
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ErinBlue:  That’s great that he has an interview! Fingers crossed for him and hope he gets the job!!

Your job sounds fine– it’s a job, right? And you’ll meet everyone in the community (I worked at a country store in a little town for a year– it can be pretty valuable to get to know people like that) and you’ll get tips! Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone there who will eventually employ you doing something else!

Post # 15
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ErinBlue:  I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in. My husband and I lived together for 2 1/2 years. In February, he moved 6 hours way because that’s where he got a job. We were living in the town that I go to college in and he moved back home. Now, 2 1/2 weeks of marriage, and we’re stil living apart. We will be doing this until December 14th when I’m done with classes. No, it is not ideal. We see each other every 3-4 weeks. But I know that he is making consistant, good money and we are getting closer to our dream of building a house. I live in a one bedroom apartment by myself and he has free rent so we’re making progress, just not together. It is not how I imagined spending the first six months of being married, but it will help us in the long run. Not sure how far apart you two would be if you do end up having to move away from each other, but it is do-able if you have the mind to do it. Best of luck and congrats!

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