Post # 1
I’m making up the RSVP cards for the invites, however I don’t want to leave any room for people to bring someone that is not invited. I’m thinking of writing out the names and the number of guests invited manually so people won’t think they can bring whoever they want.
So I will write in the number of seats reserved, the guests names invited, and leave the other lines open for them to accept or decline. What do you think?
Also what sounds better… “adults only reception” or “no children please”? let me know in the poll
The favour of your reply is requested by November 7, 2014
We have reserved ___ seats in your honour
Number of guests to attend: ___
___ Accepts with pleasure
___ Declines with regret
Adult only reception
Post # 2
Quackadoo: No matter what you say, or how you say it, there is something about weddings that makes guests feel entitled to do some inviting of their own. LOL However you word your RSVP cards, be prepared for additional guests, announced or otherwise.
Post # 3
Astra: you’re right, I know this lol. It just bugs me so much that people might bring others I don’t even know or don’t want there. ugh.
Post # 4
Quackadoo: I agree. We wanted a small, intimate wedding, we did not want to *both* be meeting someone on our wedding day. We ended up with five or six guest-invited guests, two of whom were announced at the very last minute – days ahead of the wedding. On the day of the wedding they were very gracious and they all blended in well, but I know it doesn’t always work out that way.
Best of luck with your plans!
Post # 5
Neither. Invitations aren’t to point out who isn’t invited. You use the inner/outher envelopes to list who is invited (Mr. and Mrs. Jane Doe, Mr. John Doe and Ms. Sarah Smith, the Jones Family, etc.). If your guests add additional people, you privately call them and point out that the invitation did not include the person they added, and that unfotunately, you can’t accomodate additional guests. For what it’s worth, we didn’t have a single person add additional guests.
As for the “We have reserved X seats in your honor” – I suppose it’s fine to do that, but I have never really seen it as necessary.
Post # 6
The reserved “# of seats in your honor” may not work. We had one woman want to substitute her 9 year old daughter, since her husband probably has to work. If we invited one, we’d have to add 30 and the venue is too small (100 adults). Of course, one guest, who had an adult only wedding a few yeas ago, thought it perfectly all right to ask if she could bring her toddler, who she referred to as “the little monster,” in her e-mail. Not happening…
Post # 7
Adults only sounds much better!
Hopefully filling out half the card will reduce the amount of unwanted guests! I’ll worried about this too. Good thing FI is very blunt and will call them if we see a name that isn’t invited. Bahahaha
Post # 8
Aside from the points that have already been made, you could use “Adult reception to follow”. That way you are not saying who is not invited, just letting people know the type of reception you are planning.
Post # 9
I had an adults only reception and didn’t mention it anywhere on the invitations or RSVP cards. Nor did I mention the number of seats reserved per household. I made sure to have the invitations addressed correctly as a PP mentioned.
Only two people ended up trying to invite people that were not included specifically on the invitation. And both were on DH’s side. So when those RSVP’s came in, I called my MIL and asked her to handle the issue of the additional people/children who were not invited. It turned out not being as big of a deal as I feared it would be.
Post # 10
If you really want to eliminate the room for error, then the most polite way would be to list out each guest by name, not mention who is not invited.
_Bob Jones_______________ Accepts Declines
__Mary Jones____________ Accepts Declines
The whole we’ve reserved…..allows guests more room to fill in their own picks. If Bob can’t go, Mary knows she can sub in her neighbour Florence to accompany her, as you’ve save two seats in her honour.
List who you want there, either via envelope or hand writing in each name. Do not make mention of anyone you don’t want there. You wouldn’t dream of putting “no crazy uncles” or “no gossipy grandmas”. No children is the same thing.
Post # 11
Astra: thanks for your advice, I suppose being busy that day will help distract me should I have any uninvited guests lol
JiminyCricket: I see your point, and will do my best to add the names on the envelope, I know that is normally the custom. During our engagement party, we had guests call us the day of the party and tell us they were bringing extra guests. We had to tell them that they couldn’t be accomodated, and it ended up being awkward. So after that, I was trying to find a way of being super clear to people about who is invited so we avoid any awkward moments later on.
PABride: You know I totally expected that to happen, but that’s why I wanted to add the exact names of who is invited, but that system doesn’t seem to be popular, so I think designating on the envelope like JiminyCricket suggested will do that. But I don’t mind replacements so much as extra people. We’re spending so much already, I reeeaaaally don’t want people thinking that their whole family is coming.
Another story about our engagment party, but we had a falling out with a family friend who thought that bringing her mother, WHO WE NEVER EVER MET, wasn’t a problem and was invited as well. why are people so entitled?? Anywho lol you seem to have had similar issues, so that’s why I think maybe adding that little extra note that there are a finite number of chairs for them might help the situation.
Post # 12
winterwoodlandbride15: hehe I’m glad he’s blunt. We both kind of like making people happy, but he’s gonna have to make the calls if anyone tests me lol.
andielovesj: It seems to be a general concensus to put the specific names elsewhere than the rsvp card. I think i’ll avoid anyone being pissy and easily offended while still telling them who is invited by putting it on the envelope. However, I personally wouldn’t be offended if I saw it. Im kind of sick of people pleasing at this point
Post # 13
I agree with many of the prior comments. The whole “we have reserved ____ seats in your honor” language, which I have never seen until I joined Weddingbee, has the unfortunate effect of promising guests a certain number of reserved seats, even if one (or more) of the individuals you’re inviting is (are) unable to attend. “My husband can’t come, but I don’t want to travel alone, so my sister/friend, etc. will be coming in his place.”
Also, it is best not to attribute emotions to your guests. The language offered by andielovesj: — a simple “accepts” or “declines” is better than presuming that a guest is accepting wih pleasure or declining wth regret.
As for people presuming that children are welcome when you have not invited them, I found that using both outer and inner envelopes is very effective. When people see an inner envelope that lists two specific names, they are much less likely to presume that children also are included.
Finally, if a guest DOES add names of guests whom you have not invited, it is perfectly acceptable to contact the guest to explain, politely, that there must have been a misunderstanding and that only (names of guests invited) were included on the invitation.
Post # 14
Quackadoo: I had a child-free reception and just wrote the names of who was invited on the invites. We didn’t run into any issues. Everyone understood that anyone under 18 years old was not invited to the wedding.
Post # 15
You know I’m really surprised by the reaction to this wording, I thought it would be acceptable. I guess not, it seems to be more popular to have 2 envelopes and specifiy who is invited on the inner envelope. That means more money for me though spent on extra invites and printing, which is what I was trying to avoid 🙁