What do you think of this video (men hitting on woman)

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

allyfally:  First time I’m seeing this video. I’m not surprised with the streets harassment behavior whatsoever. That sort of behavior happens all the time. It’s really hard to control what people think and say, you can only be responsible for our own words and actions. It’ll be interesting to see how far that movement goes.

This stuff does happen to me, I just tend to ignore it & not feed into that. Recently some guy was harassing me at the sports bar this past Sunday while watching football with a friend. For me, letting myself get upset about it and having it ruin my day is not worth it in the long run. 

Post # 3
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee

“My brother, and a few other guys, commented on it saying how they didnt see anything wrong with most of the guys.”

Of course they do, they probably have never been the victim of street harassment so of course they think it’s a compliment. There is definintely a problem with how men view women, look how your brother and friends just treated you- telling you you’re just paranoid and awkawrd because you don’t want random guys talking to you. Of course it falls on you, not the guy

But good luck trying to get this kind of point across since so many people get soooo defensive when you talk about these kinds of things. Thank you for posting this 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Completely agreed. Even my husband thought the “good mornings” and “how you doings” weren’t that bad but I’m just like, if she responded it wouldn’t have stopped there! They would’ve taken it as an open invitation. They weren’t saying hello and good morning to the guys on the street..

Post # 5
Member
3547 posts
Sugar bee

allyfally:  It depends on where you live.  I get that a lot here too.  It doesn’t phase me anymore.  Just put my earbuds in and ignore them.  Honestly, I hate to say it, there will always pigs on the street.  I wish it would stop, but really, most of the men hollering at her looked kind of like low lives themselves.  Especially that one that followed for her five minutes, wtf?  I’ve been hit on at work, at the gym, walking on the street.  It’s gross and it’s rude, but it really depends on where she lives as well.  Where my family lives, you just don’t see that kind of cat calling and lewd behavior.

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

allyfally:  my thoughts on this kind of thing in general:

–there is a difference between harrassment and a genuine compliment. stop telling me i need to learn to take a compliment or should be flattered when you whistle and say, “nice ass!” no.

–if i want to walk down the street in a turtleneck, a skimpy dress, or butt ass naked, it doesn’t make you any more justified in harrassing me. i’m not “asking” for anything; if you can’t control yourself for 5 seconds while i walk by, that’s your problem.

–i do not like hearing from guys, “hey baby learn to smile!” i don’t have to smile, i don’t have to look a certain way, etc. seriously?

–if a woman doesn’t dress up, she’s frumpy and gets told that she’d “be so pretty if she’d just try harder.” if she does, “she must be trying to get attention.” yeah or maybe she just likes to feel good and what she’s wearing helps with that?

 

we live in a culture of “boys will be boys” etc. it’s ridiculous. we need to stop teaching girls how to use rape whistles and pepper spray, and start teaching boys AND girls how to be respectful.

Post # 7
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

allyfally:  Ugh. I remember a similar video came out recently where the girl actually stopped and asked the guys why they were catcalling her. It was pretty interesting what they’re reasons were. 

This video is pretty on par with my experiences when I lived in a big city and my main mode of transport was walking. They didn’t even care if I was with my SO, they would still say things or say stuff to him about his “beautiful woman.” It didn’t bother me a whole lot most of the time, it was mostly just annoying. If it was late at night or they tried to follow me, that was when I would start to feel unsafe about the whole situation. And don’t even get me started on the “smile” thing. People (not just riff raff on the street) tell me all the time to smile, like they think they’re being helpful. I just have resting bitch face. If I’m not making a conscious effort to smile, it looks like I’m mad. Think Victoria Beckham. When I put a fake smile on, I look like a serial killer. 

Post # 8
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

SithLady:  “When I put a fake smile on, I look like a serial killer.”<br /><br />Your comment cracked me up and made me think of Sheldon fake smiling:

 

No, but seriously, when will guys learn that cat-calling is NOT the way to get a girlfriend? It’s disrespectful.  

Post # 10
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

howtobeawife:  That’s pretty close actually!

allyfally:  Yeah, I don’t get it. Normal people don’t walk around all day smiling. I guess if you tend to look serious naturally, people feel the need to tell you to smile. I actually had a conversation with my FI about this after we went out with a bunch of his work friends and someone in the group (a female friend of one of the coworkers, who I had never met before) asked me what was wrong with me and told me to smile. Umm, RUDE. FI seemed to think that people do it because they just want me to have a good time and be happy. I told him that I was having a good time even though I may not have been smiling at that moment, but if I wasn’t, telling me to smile certainly wouldn’t change my mood for the better. 

Post # 11
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hmm… okay. So I think the organization could be named better (it’s called “Hollaback.”) I thought it was race anxiety at first, but she IS walking in different neighborhoods of NYC and not walking in highly populated black areas (I am a New Yorker so I know).

However, I think that the woman in the video should’ve been a woman of color. I don’t think this video would have gone as viral if a white woman wasn’t featured. Do you? I feel like people would’ve found things to critique a woman of color of, that they wouldn’t dare do to a white girl. That’s just the society I think we live in… I am happy this video is all over my news feed because at least it’s bringing awareness to harassment. A lot of people just don’t understand, kind of like what your brother said. And it’s a shame. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Agh! I wasn’t going to post on this bur the last comment sent me over the edge. What on EARTH does her race have anything to do with this?? I thought she was Hispanic or something and I still got the message. Race has nothing to do with the issue. 

 

And honestly I don’t see what a non profit is going to do to stop this. Is it annoying? Sure. But plenty of women ogle men and you don’t see them making videos about it. As human beings we all need to treat each other with respect, who cares about race or gender. Will everyone do it? No. So just hold your head high and walk on. Making a viral video to “spread awareness” seem rediculous to me. Who isn’t aware that this goes on? And what does “awareness” help anything?

Post # 14
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

I personally think that it’s totally out of line for a guy to comment on how a woman carries herself (smile/no smile) or comment on her appearance (“You look nice”). Quite frankly, and it’s fair if you want to call me stuck up, but I don’t even really enjoy people saying hello to me on the street. Maybe if I didn’t have mild social anxiety and I hadn’t had a lifelong string of horrible experiences with street harassment that started out as a friendly ‘hello’, I’d feel differently.

Some of my more recent experiences include a man saying hello, I said hello back, he GRABBED MY ARM and insisted that we exchange numbers. Or, something that happens frequently, is I don’t say hello back and the guy’s tune changes to a string of expletive and “you’re not even pretty, anyway.” I’ve lived in cities all my life and not once has unwanted attention on the street made me feel good. It makes me feel threatened, to the point where I only like walking with my FI or a friend.

I don’t think that’s fair. I should be able to walk around freely. If a man wouldn’t naturally say, “Hey, how are you?” to another MAN, then I don’t take it as being friendly or coming from sincere motives.

My FI absolutely thought this video was appalling and said he’d knock out any guy that catcalled our future daughter. 🙂 That said, however, the video was apparently highly edited. The men that catcalled were from a very mixed variety of races that aren’t really shown so the girl’s race is really irrelevant. 

 

Post # 15
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sometimes I think we need to be careful on what we call harrassment. It is kind of like the term bully, which gets thrown around a lot today. It diminishes the seriousness of the issue when people saying a friendly hello is called harrassment.

If someone is friendly and says hello or god bless you to everyone they pass or makes eye contact with regardless of gender then that is not harrassment. If someone intimidates or threatens someone then that is harrassment. 

The camera person did not film those peoples reaction to anyone else walking by so for the plain old greetings it is unfair to call that harrassment.

The instances where the young woman was followed, cat called etc clearly are harrassment.

I do find some of the responses to this thread amusing though. Most of us never knew our partners before they came up, said hello and struck a conversation so by some in this thread that was all harrassment. What about striking up a conversation in a queue is that harrassment? Seriously how on earth would strangers meet or couples get together if one of them doesn’t go up and initiate it? What about winks and kisses on online dating sites isn’t that harrassment? 

Clearly some people need a better understanding of what harrassment really is.

 

 

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