Post # 1
“YOUR” day–as in “the bride’s day”? We met with the caterer this weekend and he kept saying how it’s the bride’s day and I get to ultimately make all of the decisions for what I want on MY day. Now I’m all for getting to make the decisions, but I feel like that’s sort of unfair. I’m certainly not the only person involved in planning this wedding, and what about my FI? Isn’t it his day too?
The whole thing felt a little My Fair Wedding-ish, which I have mixed feelings about. I kind of love the show sometimes, but I feel like that attitude is also sort of a wedding industry ploy to make me want to spend endless amounts of money on things I don’t really need. It usually works, though, because I find myself wanting them anyway!
Has anyone else encountered this from their friends/family/vendors? How do you feel about it–do you consider it to be YOUR day (with the capital Y-O-U-R)? At the end, who makes your final decisions? The experience got me thinking…I’m not quite sure what I think of it, and I’m curious how other Bees feel about it!
Post # 3
It is OUR day. I honestly have not gone with vendors because they say stuff like this. I basically say “sorry, it is actually our day. Thanks for your time.” Nothing seriously pisses me off more. If I was getting married to myself, then yes it would be MY DAY! But my FI is involved and he has as much say as I do. I mean he is paying half the costs.
I have also boycotted places who use similar tatics to get me to register/buy their wedding stuff. I am a woman, not a little F&*# princess.
Post # 4
I voted “in some ways.” Primarily it was “our” day because it was all about joining us as a couple. But realistically, there just were not many things my dh cared about (food, venue, music. thats it). So for the other stuff it kind of was “my day” because all my dh wanted was for me to be happy. if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t have even had a wedding because he would have been just as happy to elope to vegas! lol. (although in the end he did tell me that he was glad we did it and it was worth all the money– *cue symphony* lol)
Post # 5
To be honest, if a vendor has said this to me, I haven’t noticed. And yes, it absolutely is our day. But my fiance also understands that I’ve been fantasizing more about the wedding day than he has. So while I certainly don’t make all the final decisions, he cares very much about me being happy.
Post # 6
@CorgiTales: Yep, that’s pretty much what I was trying to say, too. 🙂
Post # 7
This sort of thing drives me nuts. I also see it on the WB boards a lot when it comes to the bride’s choice of dress (“it’s your day, don’t worry about what he thinks of your dress”). I guess I don’t understand why it has to be top secret. I involved my FI when looking in magazines and online so I would have an idea of what he likes. I picked out his tux, why shouldn’t he get a say in what I wear? Okay, enough with that tangent. I wholeheartedly believe that the day belongs to the couple and their families. And friends for that matter. That’s why we chose to invite the people we did…so they can be a part of the day with us. Every decision we’ve made so far has been to make sure our family and friends are the most comfortable and having the most amount of fun to help us celebrate.
Seriously, if our caterer said that in front of my FI, I am sure he would correct him/her! I know I get my way more often, but I like to think it’s proportional to the amount of time I put into the planning. My FI is very involved in the decision making, but I am the one doing a lot of the legwork. So if I really push for something, he might give in, but a lot of the time we end up compromising. In fact, we just did so the other night. I picked out all the songs to be used in our ceremony, but he didn’t like two. We agreed he could choose two and I would choose two. I wanted to walk down the aisle to an instrumental version of Coldplay’s Yellow. He wanted Canon in D. So I “traded” his song choice for the attendant’s processional for my walk down the aisle! We still picked two each…it’s just that the bridesmaids will walk to Coldplay and me to Pachelbel 🙂
Post # 8
@CorgiTales: Same here. I want it to be our day, but with Mr.ND really just not having an opinion one way or the other on centerpieces or cake, etc, it’s more like it’s ‘our day as styled by me.’ Lol.
Post # 9
To me it’s obnoxious. Remember on Sex and the City when Charlotte was whining non stop about “This is supposed to be MY day!!!”
It’s about the couple. The COUPLE!
Post # 10
I’d say in some ways too.. Because it is OUR day as a couple, but I have already gotten the “its your day, you do whatever you want” speach. FI isn’t too picky and does actually think (and said) its more about the girl than the guy for weddings.. But I still ask for his opinions and get him involved. If its something important that I want him to make a decision on too, I research first and ask questions. Then I narrow it down to my top 3 and he chooses which one he likes the most. That seems to work well for everything (even picking out paint colors for our house). I still want to make sure he is happy with my ideas so its not just all about me and my day.. We both are celebrating with our family and friends. But he doesn’t care what the centerpieces look like or what kind of bouquet I will have. He wants me to be happy too and will contribute when he wants to.
Post # 12
@indibee: Haha, I like that too! That is sort of how it is for us, too. I definitely think of it as “our’ day but I tend to have a lot more opinions on the details than he does.
Post # 13
I certainly don’t consider it “my” day but it seems like everyone else does.
I agree with @vaness13181 – I think the day should belong to everyone since a wedding is really about the coming together of family and friends in the celebration of love.
Cheesy, I know =P
Post # 14
Yeah, I get frustrated with vendors when they tell us that, and it’s so much worse in front of him because I know he needs it to be clear that it’s OURS. But really it’s also our families’.
Our marriage, their wedding. haha
Post # 15
@MM423: Through the whole wedding planning and kept saying its “our day” etc. but as the day progessed and things got clser it did become more about me (not by choice…) and when i got the pictures back i remember humming and saying “i guess it is all about the bride” and DH responded…”did you JUST figure that out!!” *laugh*
Post # 16
The wedding as a whole is of course “our day.” But I’m doing 85% of the work (that’s generous), mainly because I actually care about the details and because I’m so anal that I would just stand over FI’s shoulder the whole time anyway. I obviously run all major decisions by him, and we’re certainly discussed every aspect of the day.
On our wedding day, it will be OUR day, celebrating us as a couple. However, our wedding is mainly MY labor of love, and will be MY vision coming to fruition. So while our wedding day is not MY DAY, our wedding is in a lot of ways MY PROJECT. Which is why I don’t get bent out of shape when people call it “my day.” I never refer to it that way, but after 9 months of planning and just under 3 more to go, I will certainly be very proud of the end result and feel a little more ownership than FI will. Not of our marriage, but of that day.