Post # 1
Hey my favorite bees,
There’s quite a lot of discussion on here about walk dates and such, and I was wondering what a walk date means to you? Is it the date after which you evaluate your options, have a come to Jesus talk, pack your bags and leave, or something more practical (like renewing an apartment lease or something)? It seems like people might have different ideas, and I was curious as to what they were.
Also, is there anything you do to prepare – a post on APW previously talked about how it was hard to go from thinking yes I’ll spend forever with you to okay I’m done overnight, and I tend to agree.
Looking forward to what everyone has to say!
Edit: Forgot to add what it means to me. =) I think a walk date is effectively when you give up on the relationship, and start preparing to exit it completely.
Post # 3
@MariaW: I have the same definition as you. I already had my come to Jesus talk with SO, let him simmer on that, and I feel like it worked. I never told him my walk date but I said I really did not want to go through a deployment without a ring on my finger so I think that should be enough, without telling him “I will leave you.” So for me, the walk date is private, but firm. I would end the relationship at that time.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I have actually never heard of the term “walk date” until just now…but I have seen many posts on here referring to leaving their SOs at a certain time. I guess my definition would be the same as yours.
Post # 5
Fortunately I never had to set one with FI, though I had to in the past…:-/ I’m really glad the ex didn’t “man up” by my internal deadline, though, because as it turns out FI is twice the man he could have ever hoped to have been.
I basically just told FI that fertility problems run in my family, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting too far past age 30 without us being engaged, as that would mean we would have to either be pregnant during the engagement, elope, or start trying literally on the honeymoon, with the possibility of it not happening at all.
Fortunately, he understood, but I think it took seeing an family member of his get “someday”ed completely out of her fertile years to understand. He mentioned he never really understood why it was such a big deal until then.
Post # 6
In my group we call it a drop out date. Where you litterally drop out of the relationship. I have never done this. A friend of mine did, and left her bf.
Post # 7
Now I’ve got “These Boots Were Made for Walking” in my head! =P
I guess I technically set a walk date with my SO for 12/31. Thankfully it looks like it won’t come to that. And to be honest, I doubt I really would’ve “walked.” But when I gave him the date (which had already been pushed back more than once due to life situations, such as me being out of work & completely broke for 2 years) I told him I would pack my stuff, move out of our apartment & back home w/ my parents. I didn’t say that we’d break-up, but I did mention dating other people if he didn’t come through.
Post # 8
Realistically for me, ‘Walk Day’ is if he hasn’t proposed before we have to renew our lease in Feb ’14. If by the end of 2013, if we aren’t engaged I am going to tell him that I want us to find seperate places to live. I wouldn’t want to “break up” with him…But we wouldn’t be living together any more. I have been acting like a wife since before we moved in together (when we were playing house at his old place), and at the point of lease renual we will have been living together for 3 years…perfectly enough time to put a ring on it.And he knows where I stand on it NOW!
PS: I highly doubt it will come to this.
Post # 9
@EffieTrinket: Glad you met your FI, and blah on the fertility problems! I worry about those too but my SO doesn’t get that part of it, and I think it is hard for a guy to understand. Sucks, right!
Post # 10
Walk date to me is the date that I would leave the relationship. I know some people say that despite hating the waiting process, they couldn’t imagine walking out on a happy relationship…but for some, the situation can’t be labeled completely happy if you’re feeling unfulfilled without the marriage element.
My secret walk date is the 4 year mark (January 2014). I feel that at our ages (I am 35, he is 43) that is more than enough time to “get it together”. He doesn’t know my walk date and I feel that’s important. I would never want to give an ultimatum and try to force his hand in this situation. I love him, but I love myself more…which is why having a walk date is an important concept for me personally.
I know it won’t come to that, though. I found out yesterday that the ring is purchased and a proposal is coming before the end of the year. I love future in-laws that can’t hold water. LOL
Post # 11
i think if you have a “Walk date” you shouldn’t be considering marrying this person. if it is meant to be they will propose when they are ready. if it bothers you that much that you would leave the person you “want to spend the rest of your life with” because they didn’t propose when you wanted them to, they obviously arent they person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Post # 12
@mrsrecon: I have to disagree with you and I believe you’re speaking in generalities a little too freely. Each of our relationships are unique, and if you couple that with our unique personalities, you may understand that what works for me and my relationship could be the opposite of what works for you. It is important to maintain independence even in the deepest loves, and for some of us, setting a standard for when we would like to be engaged, and resolving to make a change after that date, enable us to truly feel better and more at ease.
I am a “worrier” and a “dreamer” and a “planner.” I know my SO is the one, and many people we meet will comment on what a great couple we are. That doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous. This walk date is for me.
Post # 15
@MariaW: For me a walk date means the day I’d leave.
Like if we’re not engaged by X date, I’m done.
I think some ladies keep the walk date to themselves, and others let their SOs know. Just depends on the situation I guess.
Post # 16
See, I don’t know. Although I would probably go crazy if SO never wanted to marry me, or took forever to get engaged, I don’t think I’d ever be able to walk away. If he ever really had a problem with the idea of ‘marriage,’ I don’t see why that means we shouldn’t be together (This is totally a personal opinion and statement!!!) Both of my uncles never married my aunts, and they have children and I guess refer to eachother as husband and wife… so I guess that’s where my mind goes when I think of never getting married. I completely understand that this is a deal breaker for some people, but I dont think it would be for me. But who knows because I say this now, and I am ‘waiting’ now, and I am SO excited about marrying him haha, so I could be a huge hypicrite right now. I guess I just can’t ever see myself leaving my SO for anything other than abuse. *shrug* who knows