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That's tough...but maybe it is just stress. I know DH and I had some major blowouts and said some things we never meant. It was usually due to stress. I would give him a bit to calm down and relax and have another conversation. At that point, if his view hasn't changed then you'll know for sure.
I'm so sorry you guys are fighting. I agree that it can be pretty stressful for him that he isn't bringing in income and add to the fact that the only household income is unemployment which won't last forever and I would be stressed out too! Guys aren't very good at communicating their stress so he might not know how to bring all of this up with you so I think that counseling session is a great idea. Hopefully that can help him to open up.
I'm really sorry that you are having to go through this :( Unemployment can cause a lot of stress in a relationship for sure. I would doubt that he is ready to just "throw in the towel" though if he is looking forward to the counseling session with your preacher. I think that is a really good idea - the preacher I'm sure will allow both sides to be seen so hopefully he will understand more how he is making you feel at that point. *hugs*
Stress will totally do that to you. Give him some space, but don't shut him out. Maybe he just needs a little wedding detox.. or some time to calm down. There are days where I am jumpy and moody.. but they pass. Hopefully things will be better soon!
thanks bees. I just hate fighting with him, when he is mad he can get really mean and unfortunately I am the one who has to deal cause I am here. However, his girls had to deal with the bad mood too, ugh.
I bothers me cause I am not allowed to be in a bad mood and when i am he talks me out of it, but when he is in one i cant go near him...what gives? grrrrr
Oh, I'm so sorry! If your FI is anything like mine (and they do sound like they handle fights similarly), I think you need to give him space and time. If you continue to ask him questions and talk to him, he'll continue to get frustrated and say things to push you away and make you mad and hurt. He doesn't necessarily mean them, but he just has so much anger and frustration built up and he needs to process it in his own way, but he can't do that when he has to answer to you. This is always so difficult for me, because I'm the type of person who needs to work out whatever is wrong NOW. FI just can't. He needs time to cool off, think, process, and then he can come back to me and talk like the man who loves me. So, my advice is to leave him alone. Let him do whatever he wants. Don't ask him to answer to you, don't ask him questions about what this means or what's happening. Just give him time. This is going to be hard for you, so in the meantime, go to a movie, meet up with a friend, keep yourself occupied. But I think it's the best thing you can do--otherwise he might be pushed to say some really hurtful things, and those are always difficult to forget once the fight is resolved. I'm so sorry you're going through this!! ((HUGS))
I second mrsmdphd...
Men and women fight differently. He can talk you out of a bad mood because this is how we are wired: talking, listening, expressing ourselves and working through it. Men need their alone time; when he feels he had enough, he'll talk to you again, probably as if nothing happened. Only then you should bring it up again, in a very "this is how I feel when you say that" kinda way - not arguing, but explaining the effects of his behavior on you.
While he's like that, don't push him to see when he'll be ready to talk... occupy yourself, let him be. He'll be fine later.
It does seem like he's stressed out and the things that happen do seem minor compared to his big reaction... It is odd that he'd reconsider everything for that. Either there are other underlying issues, or he's being really unfair, threatening your relationship when the smallest things don't go his way. One way or another, it should be clarified as soon as he's able to discuss.
I hope everything's going better, esp. with the help of counseling.
My FI and I have been goign through similar issues (he was behaving similarly to how it sounds like yours was), and we're 3 months from our wedding. We started counseling the other day, and it has been a weight off of me. Keep the faith that the counseling can help, *espeicallly* since your FI is so in favor of it.
I would back off. Tell him you are there if he wants to talk, but will otherwise respect that he doesn't.
TRY not to bug him about it. It will only make it worse. Men aren't like us- when they say they don't want to talk about it, it actually means that they don't.
Aw just give him some space to cool down right now. I know it is hard because if you are lik eme I always want to talk it out here and now, but that adds fuel to the fire sometimes.
I haven't had a fight that bad with my FI, but I think it comes more from the stress of being unemployed and not being able to provide whatsoever with the unemployment claim being challenged. My FI has been unemployed for over a year and it is SO tough. He deals with depression and just grumpy moods and sometimes they need a big reminder that you're there to be supportive and not to be an emotional punching bag. Good lukc to you!!!
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So last night we got into a fight.
It started as a good day and then a few things happened (minor to me) that made him fly off the handle.....
when i helped him carry the picnic table i slipped off the concrete and dropped it which hurt his fingers really bad, then he saw tire tracks in our front yard which means someone drove thru (who cares) and then my mom picked up a suit for our ring bearer instead of having to blow 150 bux on a tux for our wedding for a 3 year old.
I am certain it was a fight stemming from him losing his job and now unemployment is being fought so he is bringing in ZERO dollars and the only income is my unemployment.
So he went to take his girls home last night at 730 and he didnt come home until 9. He never called and didnt tell me he was planning to stop anywhere else.
I didnt talk to him til about 1030 when i noticed he was laying on the couch with a blanket so i asked if he was planning to sleep there and he said he didnt know
I mentioned that he was gone long enough to figure it out, he said he went to his dads, which i dont doubt.
So heres what we said.... While arguing and him being totally crappy to me and himmaking this all my fault, he said "well if you dont like it, then do something about it"
What? What does he want me to do? Break up with him, call of the wedding, walk away?
Then as the arguing continued he said if i dont leave him alone and let him go to sleep he was going to leave. I am confused with all this. Does he want something to happen and i am suppose to read between the lines?
He left this AM to do a side job and never said good bye or anything so i called and he was still in a bad mood and said he is just frustrated etc....He said he is unhappy about everything. Feeling a bit insecure I asked him if this was a fight that we would make it thru or if were throwing in the towel and he said he doenst know. All this uncertainty is killing me!!!
I hate that weve been fighting lately, its making me feel insecure. I called our preacher today and set up our counseling and i plan to bring this up. He is all about meeting with our preacher and he is looking forward to counseling, he loves our preacher!
Is it me taking his stress personally? What did he mean by the comment?? Am I over reacting??