Post # 1
Fi and i have never discussed sex toys before, i guess we never needed them. I however have only climaxed by him once, only by myself can i using a toy. This past weekend was my bach party and i received a friend… I of course jokingly gave it to my fi in a gift bag telling him it was for him..just to see what his reaction was. He opened it and said disgusting. Then the next day it was still in the box on the table (because i didn’t know exactley what to do with it). Fi texted me and told me that i better be getting rid of it, and it better never go between my legs. I know that some guys get insecure with toys…. What’s your thoughts?
How do your SO deal with this issue?
Post # 3
Some guys may get insecure with toys, but it kinda sounds like your Fiance has a little bit of growing up to do if he is going to react that way and send you text messages of that nature. If that is the best way for you to be satisfied with your sex life, there are definitely ways of incorporating a toy into the bedroom…and NOT in a way that leaves him in the cold! I think you guys should sit down and have a talk about your needs and wants and possible boundaries of experimentation. Communication is the key!
My husband and I do not use toys, but after we talked about the possibility and I explained to him that there are toys for HIM too, not just for me…he warmed up to the idea right quick. I think a lot of guys have this preconceived notion about “toys replacing boys” and it takes us wise women to enlighten them on the fact that it ISN’T the case!
Post # 4
Hmm…my SO is really very ok with toys. We have a vibrator and cock ring (can I say that on here? Please don’t flag me!!) We use them sometimes for fun. I wonder what your FI’s problem with them would be? Does he think it’s a replacement for him? Maybe you could talk to him about it, and make sure to say that you could use it together….
I guess I should also note that my SO is ten years older than me, and very open about talking about our sex life, so maybe that factors in?
I think there is a way to discuss it – but make sure if you do that it is NOT when you’re in bed, or getting ready to go to bed, or anything like that. It should be discussed in a non-sexual way.
Anyway, just my 2 cents…
Post # 5
Well, considering my Fiance has bought a few for me… he’s very into the idea. We never really discussed them; I just pulled out my vibrator once when we were together, and he didn’t freak out, so that’s what we’ve been doing ever since.
He does, however, go through moments where he gets insecure that he “doesn’t do it for me” (I also have trouble climaxing with him… and with anyone I’ve ever been with… and on my own without help… I’m pathetic. lol), which takes some gentle consolation from me that that’s not that case. Overall, he wants me to be happy and enjoy myself, so if that means bringing a battery-operated friend into bed, he’s ok with that. I also sometimes let him use it on me, when he gets into that kind of funk, so he feels more involved in my pleasure.
It’s a shame when men can’t get over their own insecurities to allow us women who have “issues” to enjoy ourselves. I don’t think they realize how selifsh they’re being by essentially denying us an orgasm, just because they don’t have any difficulties.
ETA: @Ms. MoxieMonkey: My Fiance is 20+ years older than me, and obviously has waaaay more experience in that realm than I do. I do think the age difference plays an important role in his acceptance of “alternative” methods of reaching orgasm, too.
Post # 6
My Fiance loves em! He’s always up for anything of that nature – for use together or seperately.
I really hope this doesn’t come off as harsh or rude or anything, but I would think that your Fiance would want you to climax during your sexual encounters. If toys help, then I would be a bit concerned if he isn’t willing to even try it out together, but that’s me.
Post # 8
Fiance and I had to spend a few months apart when his dad died, so we did discuss sex toys. We purchased them together and made sure they were small, discreet, and friendly. No huge disgusting dildos or anything! He still likes to use my vibrator on me, because sometimes it just gets the job done a bit better…lol.
Post # 9
okay, so this might be a bit personal… Do you guys read or watch porn together? If so, I would try to seek some out that includes a couple using similar toys TOGETHER…hopefully that would help give him the idea that it is a tool for him to use, not a replacement.
Like others have said, I think you need to sit down and have a talk about what it does and doesnt mean for you to own/use toys. If he’s super insecure, he may never come around (I had a friend whose ex-husband considered it cheating for her to use a vibrator and he just couldnt get over that.) …But I really think it’s worth trying to change his perspective and talking to him about it if it will help you have a more satisfying sex life. You might even offer conditions that he could set (i.e. that you wouldnt use it without him) – it seems a little ridiculous, but it might help him be more comfortable with it.
All that being said, I can’t imagine having Fi react that way – mine is disappointed that I dont really use my toys anymore~
Post # 10
He’s fine with them. We even use them together sometimes.
Post # 11
@bridget_124:Maybe you could get something for him?
My ex-BF was not at all concerned that I wasn’t reaching orgasm (charming, right?), so for Valentine’s Day, I went to the Pleasure Chest (that’s a shop here in LA) and bought some things. The only one that got a good response from him: A FEATHER. Yup. Because, really, who can feel threatened by a feather? Anyway, it opened his eyes to more possibilities.
So, maybe start small, and work your way into it?
Post # 12
mine’s fine with it as long as it’s not everytime.. lol
Post # 13
We literaly just ordered our first toy and are eagerly awaiting its arrival. We do more than fine in bed on our own… we just wanted to be a little adventurous.
Post # 14
Well Fiance and I really enjoy sex toys and while we dont use them regularly they are fun to use every once in a while! We have a vibrating co** ring, a vibrator, a dildo, a sex wedge (to help with positioning – its awesome!)
Fiance thinks of them as a way to spice things up! I think you should both be comfortable with what is going on – maybe you need to have a talk with him about it?
Post # 15
@clarebee: been thinking about a wedge.. are they worth it?
Post # 16
Fiance is not interested…AT ALL