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I don't know that "Favors are required" is outdated. I don't think it was ever a rule to begin with.
I should clarify, I was thinking of rules and unofficial rules that people have in their minds. I've heard Bees sigh when a parent says that you "have" to do favors, that you "can't" do edible favors, etc.
I think all of those are outdated except the wearing white to a wedding, Which I just think is kinda rude, unless they just don't know any better.
I'm 23 though, I had no idea about 80% of the "rules" until I came here.
I wish weddings were like..someone could wear a pink wedding dress, the invites can say "yo..be here, have fun, celebrate some love", everyone eats, drinks, wears whatever they feel the best in and has a good time, without worrying about offending people or being rude or tacky or whatever.
I think all of these are outdated except for wearing white to a wedding. To me that is just rude, and trying to compete with the bride. And who does that?? It's a new day and age. people get so stuck on stuff and pick weddings apart for things that aren't "proper". Who cares? I always hate when people go to weddings and sit there with this fake plastered smile on their face and eat the food and take home the favors, and then have the nerve to bitch and moan about everything!! And they do! I find that you find out who your true friends and people who love you are when something good happens to you. Misery loves company, but when something good happens like a wedding people pick it apart and hide behind the guise of "proper etiquette".
Personally I don't consider any of it to be outdated. What many people fail to realize (and don't care either) is that etiquette is not something to be changed just because you don't like it, because preventing awkward social situations does not change over time. Traditions can be changed at will because they don't fall into the same category, contrary to popular belief. Etiquette is in place for a reason, since without it, you will have chaos and people who are offended and inconvenienced right and left.
I also didn't vote in the poll just because alot of those selections are actually traditions rather than etiquette.
People are offended and inconvenienced by weddings all the time whether the couple follows etiquette or not. If something isn't working, and doesn't fit into todays time or just that couples wedding, why do it? You can have your wedding however you want, it's your money. Same for the rest of us. I doubt without etiquette there would be chaos...that's a little over the top.
I think there's a parental expectation that your siblings be included in the wedding party or wedding in some way (regardless of what your relationship with said sibling really is like!) - not sure if that's a 'rule' - but it sure is annoying! ;)
I'm not a fan of cash bars. I don't think I went to a wedding that had a cash bar of any sort. Either just wine and beer or free for all booze. Although, the wine and beer one had a public bar on the other side of the country club where you can buy whatever drink you like. But that area was separated from the reception...
I just voted for the invitations, the other ones I think have their place and make sense. Favors are given as a thank you to your guest for coming. Reciving lines are nice because they allow all the guests to meet the couple (Just went to a wedding where the bride only spoke with her bridesmaids and made no effort to speak to any of her guests. I almost felt like she was avoiding me!).
But the invitations, the whole inner and outer envelope, not being able to use technology (like a printer vs. hand writing). That's just dumb and not eco-friendly!
whether etiquette or tradition, it doesn't matter. many etiquette rules are old fashioned and no longer will offend the mass if these rules aren't followed.
The way your "supposed" to address invites Mr & Mrs Joe Smith! BARF!!! no one better EVER address me like that
@mishelleez: I LOVE it. And we had an older guest whose husband had long passed away who was very offended that she wasn't addressed as such.
I agree with @Ember78 Most of those are traditions and not ettiquette- But I think things that are actual ettiquette are there for a reason, to allow people to feel comfortable. It is just the rules of politeness.
@mishelleez: I totally agree! I got married - I didn't take over my husband's first name. I'm okay with Mrs. HisLast. But Mrs. HISFIRST HisLast - no thanks.
I didn't know there ever was a rule about not wearing red to weddings. Why? Can someone explain for me?
(1/2 of my wardrobe is red and my BM's will be in red) :-)
I also thought favors were more of a newer tradition? I know when my sisters got married in the 70's and 80's they didn't have favors (unless matchbooks with their name on them count) I don't see the point of favors. I think it's great if people want to do them, but I have never thought of them as required.
I have to say I've never heard of the rule about not wearing red or black. That's totally new to me, and I've gone to a lot of weddings. I have a hard time imagining that a classic little black dress with simple jewelry would be inappropriate, especially at a formal affair.
White is the only color that I've ever heard of as being inappropriate, and then it's a solid white that's inappropriate, not a print. I have, however, heard of it being inappropriate for the BRIDE to wear black!
@mishelleez: My position was eliminated a couple weeks ago, and some of my employees asked me what I was going to do when I was done working there. I looked at them with a big smile and said, "I'm going to become Mrs. James Clark." I like the idea of it. I know it's old fashioned, but it brings a smile to my face every time I say it.
Honestly, we requested no gifts for a reason! Both hubby and I had two complete households and he moved his stuff from a large house into my much smaller one. We had 7 TVs between us, 4 blenders, 5 sets of dishes - well you get the picture. We both gave away or donated a ton of crap and we certainly didn't want any more.However we DID request guests bring a dish to the pig roast we held the next day! Got some wicked good food too! Yummers!
Yeah, these are a mix of etiquette, tradition and trend. There are very few things that I think you HAVE to do. If I am treated with courtesy than all is goo. If people find a lack of an inner and outer envelope to induce chaos then perhaps they need to think about their priorities and consider how happy they are, what with policing everyone's actions.
I think the only one truly outdated (in this area anyway) is the receiving line and wearing black to a wedding. Otherwise, I think the rest are still respected etiquette, but then again that could be regional. Plus, my FI and I are quite traditional.
I think black is fine to wear if you are a guest or even to put your bridal party in black. I don't think you need a receiving line or favors. I think honeymoon registries are the coolest thing! Im glad things have changed a bit but i still think guests shouldn't wear white!
Oh and I like how people have started taking most their pictures before the ceremony and having a 1st look. We are doing this- that way you have more time to spend with guests at reception, and you have some personal time with your fiance! Although i think you should start pictures early enough that you are hidden before guests arrive. I hate getting a glimpse of the BM and Bride and Groom before hand- it's very anti-climatic to see all the dresses before they walk down the aisle!
I hate that you can't put your registry info in your invite. There is no "word of mouth" anymore. THere's Facebook. So either I announce where I'm registered on FB (where even people who aren't invited could see it), or I put it in my invites. I never did put it in my invites, and I regretted it almost instantly! I wish looking back that I had.
Bamboo - That's a really funny mental image... "No outer envelope? NO OUTER ENVELOPE?! AAAHH!" (runs around in circles waving arms wildly.)
MightySapphire - That is a really good point! All etiquette books reference "word of mouth" for just about everything - dress code, registry, cash gifts, etc., but I think that's from an era where your guests were all in your hometown. Nowadays you've got people all over the country, many of whom don't know each other, so it's not like they're all chatting pre-wedding. I guess that's why wedding websites have become so popular.
I just said this in an earlier post. You really cant win. People always want to find something wrong with something and complain about it. So honestly, I say "Its your wedding, its your money, its your rules!" If someone doesnt like it, TOUGH!
@PixelMePretty: That's what it should be. Wear pink if you want to! And you'd better have a good time!
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I have seen this come up over and over and over in WB posts, and it's made me really curious! What rules of "Traditional Wedding Etiquette" do you think are totally outdated? Or just not worth following? I'll put a poll up with some of the more common ones! You can vote for as many as you want, btw!
Also, just an FYI, I'm not saying here that I happen to agree or disagree with the things on this poll. Just trying to think of common rules to list!